Friday, December 29, 2006

Happy six week Birthday Pops, you look so old already.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006


Yes ladies, tis the season for self delusion. Today I am going to give some thought into things I can improve or change in my life. Today I am feeling quietly confident I can achieve anything I want.

Each day from now on until around January 2nd that confidence will slowly be pissed into the wind until I convince myself that New Years Resolutions are bullocks. Perhaps that is even true BUT for me is is mostly a cover for my lackings in the ole will power department.

I had a wee look at last years resolutions. It was something along the line of trying to stress less over imaginings. Sounds lovely, even poetic............but gobshite.

Ok back to the plan.

Take the time to make my daughter laugh every day and although I am busy to ensure things at the business end like changing nappies are taken slowly and not rushed as the ambition is to make as much quality time as possible.

Once a month to have a family day where no housework is to be done or no jobs on a list to be ticked off and the day is to be spent with just us four relaxing and enjoying each other.

To put less focus on food as our love of good food is sending us to the poor house and really I have to think of eating as a fuel and not a all day party.

More later

A snoozeing sleepy slumber

Oh yes my lids are getting that pleasant heavy glazed feeling even as I type that title. I cannot even say I dream of sleep as that would imply that I was actually getting some.

Well no that is not strictly true as I have been having some fantastic sleeps, one of six hours on the night before Christmas eve. I am just exausted from Christmas and visitors.

However our Christmas was fantastic and this year I was on pudding duty so I made the best trifle I have ever made, a huge pav and huge chunky fresh fruit salad with four types of truffles, the White chocolate and Raspberry went down the best.

The main meal was also outstanding with undoubtedly the best Turkey I have ever eaten it was superb and I do not even like Turkey. Ella and Poppy where absolutely spoiled, it is odd but it was almost distasteful the amount of presents and I am struggling a little. Most upsetting was the speed inwhich people helped open the presents for the girls and I have no idea who gave what or who to thank, which just does my head in.

Today is the first day in six weeks that I will be having no visitors and no extra jobs to be done and I am truly thankful.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

As Emeril says BAM, lets kick it up a notch.

CH has just come down with the dreaded life is over

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Who would have thought, it does get worse! This is the most disgusting bug I have had in quite sometime, to add further insult it makes you burp sulphur, rotten eggs and lots of them. Farting out ones mouth may be indeed a great party trick, if only I was a bloke to take full advantage of the situation. There is a upside I just lost 4kgs in 24 hours. If only it would stay off.

Today is a good day, I no longer feel like dying and I almost feel stong enough to tackle something other than dry toast. Ella is fine but Poppy is a little off and thankfully CH is well.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Ho Ho Ho bloody ha ha

It is times that like that I know there is a god because friends come bearing a gift of a nine pack of Jumbo triple chocolate Cookies to provide sustanance during a trying time. It is those biccies that have provided lunch and sanity over the last couple of days.

I also know there is a god who is having a laugh, no I am not being so petty to name names or denominations, but you know who you are. I must say you are one funny fecker and I bet you are just gonna keep hitting me with that funny stick until your godly arms tire. Due to my sense of humour and laughs I have had over the years it was to be expected and yes all I can do is scoff in the face of normality.

I am reminded of that wise old adage 'The more you prune a fruit tree the sweeter fruit in bears'
At what point is does a burn off considered a "prunning" or is it pruneing, prunening????

What's worse, having chronic runny arse with haemorroids and looking after a family OR being dog tired having a new baby and toddler with vomiting and runny arse, no beds to sleep in as soiled with said runny arse, CH's vomit on floor as he could not deal with the afore mentioned RUNNY ARSE. Bless his soggy socks he did try before he went to work.

Oh my god, the house is a fright, my children smell REALLY bad, I keep smelling mystery poo on myselF, Christmas is still not organised and one of my cherubs has just lost her bowels AGAIN. Can we do Christmas at some other time?

Ahh by the look of it, it is another one for the shower, In fact before the end of the day I may just have to leave them in a empty bath for we will run out of clothes/hot water/sanity.

No Woman, No Pride

From the beginning of time women have been fought over, lives made and lost over the procurement of such a precious commodity and generally we have credited with the start of many a war and battle. In life we are amazing in so many many ways and if we are lucky enough to have women in our lives to share kinship, our lives are rich indeed.

No, I am not considering going and playing in the all girls sandpit, I just feel lucky at present to have so many lovely people in my life. If you can measure and judge yourself against whom you have around you then I must be doing something right.

Is it not amazing how your life changes in so many way and as you go along people come and go as you need them. At present I have had some challenges and have been amazed and all the help I have around and even more gobsmacking I do not even need to ask as it is just given.

For example this weekend was the Plunket Christmas Party and it was a successful mission to get there only half and hour late BUT with home baking, children fed and dressed and full of the Christmas spirit. I admit I was sturggling with juggling being social and looking after my girls as I was feeding Poppy, Ella would be off with one of the other Mums who would take care of her so naturally. During feeding Poppy, I managed to not only spray my child with breast milk, saturate myself with the stuff all without anything to mop it up, others come to my rescue. At another stage Poppy was crying, Ella was terrified of Santa and loosing it completely, other Mums took Poppy(who was also in need of a change) so I could comfort Ella. The most giving thing was one of the mums whom took Poppy lost the opportunity to get a photo of her son with santa due to looking after my child.

From the very moment I started this journey of motherhood my life has been dotted with the most wonderful women and friendships. It is almost like I have secured a life long membership to the most exclusive club in the world. Mind you, membership fees are high, but to have two such beautiful children it is a small price to pay.

I only hope I too can return the favour and be there for some of these wonderful women in there time of need.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Righto, I shall allow you a moment to bask in the bright and pure light of my succesful parenting skills.

Done? Now for the drivel.

Last night I had five hours sleep!(Huge round of applause) then to put icing on that little cup cake of joy, I managed to leave the house before 11am(not in my nightie and with brush through my hair) AND actually walk into town. Now for my crowning glory, Poppy actually is sleeping again, in her own bed, as I type. However the house is a mess due to my need to blog over my need to be tidy.

It has been a hell of a week as Poppy is still being inventive and throwing new and interesting things into the mix. I have had awful trouble breast feeding, pain, latching issues, infection and thrush(which I cannot seem to get rid of) Now this week, Poppy has decided to accept milk from only one of my boobs and latching painfully on the other. Being someone who is very analytical and thought myself quite a good wee breast feeder with my last child, for the life of me I could not work out what the heck was the problem. Luckily this time rather than battleling on alone(normally my strongest trait) I enlisted the help of our local lactation consultant Liz who is amazing, although she had no ideas for what the problem is but she said I was doing everthing right, positioning blaa blaa. Although not resolved but it gave me my mojo back and she did have a great idea to use a breast shield and the little bugger now feeds, my mid wife puts it down to Poppy's personality. Which by the way I adore.

CH has been amazing and long may in continue. He works hard, I feel supported and gosh darn he even makes my lunch in the morning, plates it with a sprig of parsley to garnish. I love it. It makes such a difference to how I feel about him when I am not feeling like the weight of the world is not mine alone to shoulder.

Mind you we are living like old people at present as Poppy has kicked him out and sleeps with me, I know perhaps a bad choice and something about creating rods for ones back BUT if I did not do this I would not get any sleep. CH is sleeping in the spare room which does allow him to get some sleep to get him through the day at work, which I know is tough at present. Besides I can handle the jandal and do seem to be having more success with Poppy as I suppose I know her a bit more.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

A whirlwind of a week

As most of you will know this past week has been as close to my worst living nightmare. I have not really began to process the events or even get over my exaustion but am brimming with thanks to all who have been involved in our lives since last thursday.

Upon reflection the events as they unfolded now seem quite exciting but to be fair my thrist for adventure does not extend that far these days, lordy I am soft.

Last thursday evening after not being well for a couple of days Poppy's wee eyes rolled back in her head, she stopped breathing and went limp. We panicked. All infant resus skills learned, GONE. I urge all parents to promtly do a refresher or at the very least force yourself and your partner to go over the scenario. Please do so for me.

To not bore you with all the drawn out details, Poppy was a very sick wee baby and Blenheim did not have the facilities or staff for such a baby so we were flown to Nelson in the special life plane(which I had no idea existed) with suspected Meningitus. Nelson has a wonderful Special care baby unit with the most amazing team of people doing all they can to deliver your babe back into the arms of recovery. I have never been affected by any of these so called strikes that the hospital workers have done but we fell smack in the middle of this one as we could not test Poppy as fast and any tests had to be done in Christchurch. They hit Poppy with as many antibiotics they could and the little bugger was like a second hand dart board. They even done a lumbar puncture, which is they very worst. I really cannot believe the extent of this strike and we were not the worst effected by far, does someone have to die before the issue is resolved? As I have been involved in the New Zealand hospital system of late I have a few things to say but will save them for another time.

I do apologise to all those in Nelson we did not actually even visit or even tell of our plight. But you know how it is when you are only just holding yourself together and when you see a friendly face, your face distorts and becomes that real ugly cry face and the next thing you know your own snot is running rivers into your mouth and on to an unsuspecting shoulder..............

We arrived home yesterday, Poppy is not right but temp is down, heart rate is no longer over 200, breathing well, box of birds really but I feel like I have gone seven rounds with a prize winning fighter. Did I mention both Ella and I also got sick. Sleep has been minimal as we were in isolation and Poppy was even more grumpy than usual. Infact upon saying our goodbyes to the team they mentioned although they would miss me they would not miss my baby's cry! It was also commented on that unfortunately Poppy being ill could not account for her general attitude! However my favourite chap Dr Nick also did say something along the lines of the qualities you want in a baby do not make a good adult, if that is my silver lining I shall take it.

It is true, she has so much attitude and is VERY angry most of the time. Never sleeps and is not happy unless she is with me and even then it is not happy in the normal sense of the word as I simply mean........not crying. She is so very knowing and has a look in her eye that seems to sum you up and past judgement in a second and works to plot your ultimate demise. Yes, times are tough and the wheels are off(much like my nipples) more often than they are on and I have no idea how I will regain control of my exsistance as Poppy well and truly rules thus far. BUT I admire the gaul and behaviour of this wee bundle of tricks and look forward to duelling in the future.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Spots, temps and grumpy children

Bullocks to it all, firstly we were going Chrismas shopping in Nelson, then being visited by friends and then I was off out and about to my first adult outing in a couple of weeks and it happened. The little buggers are already teaming up on me.

I first thought Poppy was unwell as I noticed she had Oral thrush and of course now so does the milk factory. Problem solved relatively easily as I had delt with such things before. Unfortunately it of course did not explain a general distaste for everything and a temperature.

Then all became clear when Ella developed a heck of a rash and looks to have been attacked by a red felt pen. A virus apparently and now we are on a 'No Play' with children zone. Does that go for me too? I could easily hide from children today.

Here is a lovley eyes open shot of Miss Pops, credit for the gorgeous picture goes to Myself for growing her so perfectly and to Delwyn who captured a quick moment of relaxation by the popster!

Shock horror, Pops may have an outie!!!!!!! Could this child do anymore to upset her father!

Oh bless she knows how to wind him up, oh she does take after me!

Monday, November 27, 2006

biltong anyone?

Oh lordy it is worse than I expected.

I have a child that sleeps little, shreds breasts with a single suck and of course is bringing up my blood WHICH IS JUST WRONG, I am wearing breast pads that when removed take half my nipple with them, stitches which have just gone from sitting on barb wire to itchy as all hell. Not to mention a complete befuddled brain that reigns supreme(which left CH's wallet on roof of car..................................and amazingly found by a friends husband!)

I have just come through four days of being abandoned by CH for a Irish rock band (I am still sulking) Thankfully my best friend came to my rescue and baby sat me for the weekend, seriously I could not have coped any other way. I am still knackered as hell as the demands of a toddler weigh heavily and there is no sneaky rest during the day. Speaking of said toddler, poor little bugger is not really handling the transition to a two children family very well at all. She has always sucked her blankey upon sleeping, but blankey is now a firm friend that hangs around all day.

I am having some issues myself as I am really dog tired and trying hard to keep things the same for her, but it will never be the same. I am feeling guilt. I am sure it will pass but when one is a little emotional things do appear worse than perhaps they are.

Tomorrow is a new day but I must get through the night. Poppy is being Poppy and doing what the heck she likes, who knows what new and interesting way to torture her mother she has been dreaming up.

I am still amazed at the difference between my girls, I have no idea what I expected but by gosh there is almost no similarities, she is her own girl and that cannot be disputed. She already has so much attitude and spunk you could almost swear she has been here before.

Yes I am in love once again and it is true what they say about love multiplying and not dividing. I am flirting with the idea of going to my normal Tuesday coffee group tomorrow, shock horror. I may not go as I have a very I bet you are glad I said baby as I have been so frank in this blog that who knows what other little ditties I was going to pull out that you did not need to know. Yes, Poppy is going though the rancid belly button stage and it is so bad it could clear the room, mind you I am sure if I hid a hunk of dead meat in my belly button for eleven days, things would be more than a little savoury, biltong anyone?

Friday, November 17, 2006

Just a quickie

Time is a wasting and I have a power of Ham, custard squares, camembert, blue vein, seafood and various other deli treats to eat my way through.

As most of you will already know,

Poppy Neave Joy Langdon
was born on Thursday November 16th, 8:18pm, weighing in at 8lbs6oz.

She finally made it and most reluctantly I might add. Rapt that she is here and feeding hellishly well(she is brutal!!) She is calling the shots already but of course we knew she had no intention of ever doing anything else. Not much hair to speak of, huge hands and feet(CH has a thing about women with big hands and feet) lovely small head(best pleased) I am well and still have a sense of humour although not willing to laugh at present(Go the salt baths) But let it be said, NEVER, Ever doing it again!!

Ella is being fantastic, a complete and utter star.

Thank you for all of the kind wishes and flowers we have received, I will get to you all in time.


Tuesday, November 14, 2006


I had great success on swaddling Ella and last week I was told by my mid wife swaddling was no longer endorsed due to a higher chance of cot death.

This really has pissed on my chips. Now we are damned if we do and damned if we dont.

What to do, what to do?

Are we there yet

7.42pm: After an afternoon of no contractions and a whining toddler I sought refuge with a rather lovely friend and regained some sanity. Well worth it.

Since then I have been working on a couple of wives tales to hopefully get things moving again, my last one was to eat a blow the roof off your mouth thai curry, smoke the bugger out. Thus far all that it has achieved is a hiccuping baby who may or may not have been shouting "Bring it on bitch, call that a curry, I have met sperm that have been hotter" as she stubs out a ciggarette on my cervix. Oh apparently it is not unusual to have a show weeks before delivery.......sigh

Round 176 to baby, Mummy 0

Ok child of mine, show some compassion and since you have been pissing about all day, hold off until tomorrow as it is your Nana's birthday and she will be chuffed.


Oh my friggin gosh, can this child do any more to upset the apple cart?

This morning 4am I had a show, 45mins later contractions where seven mins apart.
By ten thirty the buggers had stopped!!! Mo fo

Not best pleased.

Monday, November 13, 2006


Can anyone see any possible reason why my strongly anticipated baby, may indeed be staying in the plush accomodations she is currently used to?

Would you leave the house if that was waiting for you?

Monday Monday

Today is Monday.
Monday, baking day and the start of the working week, awfully close to fish and chip Friday......

Well the good news is baby has moved to nearly the right position, but knowing this child I really think she is most likely fecking with me, I bet she will come out with a huge grin, teeth and a tattoo.

Come Thursday 9am I am having something called a stretch and scrape. Personally I think they should some significant rebranding as that name does not exactly conjure images of happy times, perhaps, cervix massage and throw in a few scented candles and a box of choc......Marvelous, how do I book in?

I have been thinking this week that Ella is being amazing, and she really knows what babies are now. However this week everytime she dropped something or did something naughty she would say bubba. At first I thought it very advanced to already be placing blame upon a sibling that is not here yet.

Twas not bubba she was saying, Twas bugger! time to rethink the ole vocab.

Friday, November 10, 2006

The Elephantine Cometh

To your left you will see a rather lovely photo of the most happy wee girl and may I draw attention to the right and you will see my rather large protrusion.

Less than a week to go and I am really feeling it. Beneath the ocean of green lies the more stretch marks than skin it looks more like a reptilian pattern that skin stretched beyond recognition.

I have not cracked the tonne as of yet and am beginning to doubt that I will get there(thankfully) Mind you if my clubed feet continue to swell like Mitchelin Man I could be in with a chance.

It is weird and although I am feeling the weight of Pregnancy with every breath I really do not feel like I will have a baby soon. I guess I have finally got used to the bump and cannot imagine anything else.

I do remember once Ella was born a feeling of being alone and a little lost as although I could kiss and cuddle a real living baby, I missed having her in my tummy.

CH is still working all the hours god gives him and as you can imagine I am not best pleased. But you can hardly fault a fantastic work ethic and commitment to loyalty especially when it is a quality I tend to require in a person. But feck me me me me me, just for once.

Ok I am over it. It must be the vast amounts of delicious Raspberry leaf tea I am consuming chilling me out. Vile hateful stuff. I guess if I was a tea drinker the taste would be more palatable. Who knows if the tea does as it claims but I am willing to take the placebo effect, I will say this however, It has completely stopped my gums bleeding(yet another glam pregnancy issue....sigh) SO I do have hope.

Righto best go as I have to traul the internet for thoughtful unique presents........................!!!!!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


Why has my blog got this huge gap at the top? Any ideas?

Ahoy ya lard arsed scrubber!

To the best of my knowledge I have never been called a scrubber but I am fast discovering I make a darn good one. You are reading the blog of possibly the cleanest hand scrubbed floor in the land.

Once again my theory of procreation to be the vessel in which a bunch of marketing guys got together and oversold to women few things to make getting their wicked way heaps easier.
We are suckers.

Lie number 1.
Nine months Gestation, since when is fourty weeks nine months!

Lie number 2
Morning Sickness, surely this implies you should be sick in the morning, more accurately perhaps we should rename 24 hour, four month sickness. Not quite the easy sell now huh

Lie number 3.
Women are horny during the pregnancy. I have only met one ever.

Lie number 4.
Drinking harms your unborn child. Perhaps very true but now those marketing men have sober drivers and more beer money on tap so to speak.

Lie number 5.
All these foods like camembert, seafood, trifle, sushi, cream buns, cannot eat. All luxury yummy items destined to make wallets lighter and arses fatter. How convenient we cannot have them.

Lie number 6.
No hot baths or spas. Yep zero relaxing time

Look I could go on but here is a couple of last points

Scrubbing floors, upon hands and knees helps baby move!!!!! bastards just want the floor cleaned properly and have an excuse that it helps baby if we do it.

Exercises on hands and knees to help baby move, just last night CH said perhaps he could offer some assistance by standing behind me in such a position! and perhaps while he was there......

Sex brings on labour..........oh but it will help you out dear..........and it must be quick so not to take a chance on hurting baby.........for baby's sake of course.

Sunday, November 05, 2006


Cracker, marvelous, Corker, Ace, Terrific, Well done!

buggery crap filled fecking bullocks.

Ten days until my due date and the little bundle of joy has turned completely the wrong way, I guess who can blame the LITTLE CHERUB for being in the right position for some months now, it was bound to be a bit boring so adding yet another level of difficulty to the mix.

I have always said I have a real good take on the personality of our next wee baby, not much of it complimentary as I am well sure she has bags of personality and will be born knowing all the tricks rather than learning them. For most of the pregnancy I have predicted going overdue, going into labour when Jason is away and ending with an emergency C-section.

It is actually getting quite laughable now as we have climbed many obstacles on our journey to having this baby, luckily none of them life threatening but in essence none of them easy and without a word of a lie the longest nine months in my life. I am sure those who have been with me on this blog journey have sensed my frustrations, so very subtle of course....(still capable of self delusion)

It is still far from over and I know the road will have a few more bumps. I know the strain will be tough until we have sorted out just how to operate two children. I realise It will be tough on our marriage and friendship. I must remind myself to tell CH that regardless of what may or may not fall out of my mouth over the next couple of months, that I still love him.

Contrary to how pissed I am with this latest development, it matters none. I just cannot wait to welcome her into our family and I also cannot wait until I have been to the toilet the first time after labour. Who can forget that little experience.

So I am off to scrub the floor upon hands and knees to encourage baby to move the right way around. You gotta admit she has got some back bone pissing me off, oh well I am up for a challenge. So I shall sign off, 117cm girth and still in one piece.


Sunday, October 29, 2006

This week I shall be mostly eating Toffee apples. Man I love them at the moment.

As it turns out this week is actually much better than the previous one. I appear to be intact mentally and physically(well using the latter very loosely) Ella of course has chosen this week to be a complete Pratt, using all manner of newly acquired and very accomplished Mummy torture to make my day a little more interesting. Her efforts thus far have been so conniving it takes all my strength not to admire or at least giggle my arse off. Obviously it would be bad parenting to giggle not to mention the mess I would leave on the carpet..........

Please out of courtesy restrict all funny happenings to the linoleum. Thankyou MANAGEMENT

Eighteen days to go until due date. Legs firmly crossed.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Well strap my mittens on with Duct tape

I have been wallowing a bit of late in both self pity and self doubt. Had a few days of the standard hormone bullocks, crying about everything, drowning in hoplessness, feeling like the most horrid and ghastly person, you know a real joy to be around.

Monday as luck would have it I awoke to look like I had sprayed myself with candy apple red and it itches like buggery. Very attractive, team that with nausea and what is more worrying a loss of appetite so I suspect someone up there is having a laugh. 'yeah lets make the fat woman itch where she cannot reach'

Apparently it is a pregancy rash but the are checking for something called 'Fatty liver' What a hideous name. Of course I would be bound to have a fatty liver as I have a fatty everything else, oh except my ears they are still in pristine prenatal condition.

CH is of course bored with the whole whingeing about everything, as he should be but I still tend to nail him to the wall over it. For the love of god, rub my back more than twice you bastard.
At the moment he could come home at the end of a day and I could say I had my toes filed off with a cheese grater and the standard answer would be "arhhhhh thats no good, whats for dinner'

Mind you there is no point being lavished in affection at present as I feel quite numb to the whole thing. I feel wound so tight and barely a moment passes that I have not had my brain going at an alarming rate thinking of twenty jobs and scenarios at once I feel like I have a pick a path book in my head. I just cannot relax and even getting a cuddle from CH feels horrible like I cannot afford to slow down and just let myself relax. Weird huh it is like I have tunnel vision or something.

However I did receive the most lovely bunch of flowers yesterday from a rather fabulous good friend, a complete suprise who put so much thought into what the flowers should be and people who know me well would know the signifigance of me receiving a bunch of flowers including Poppies and from a florist called ' The Pink Poppie'. What a lucky girl I am.

I am so not good at being pregnant. Touch all available wood that all will be well as I am not going down this path again.

Maternity Ward visit

Yesterday was the day that this whole birth thing compounded into reality. 9am yesterday morning we went to visit the hospital and see where to go and hopefully what is going to happen.

And ladies it is no St Georges. In fact the comfortable rooms are on par with the old Christchurch Womens labour suites. From all accounts the silver lining is the staff and really that is what you want over the Chocolate thick shakes, Menu dining and sky tv in every'nt it?

However there is one we black cross to their name, I jokingly said that it does not matter what the decor is like as long is there a ready supply of Knicker popsicles(made life bearable last time!)

Of course the answer was 'Ah no, we no longer have a supplier'


Friday, October 20, 2006

Perhaps some more cheese with that whine

You are friggin Joking Mr TV Three. You have completely pissed on my Friday evening fish and chips. How dare you re-schedule my mate Jack Bauer to a god awful late night time slot and replace it with a RE-RUN of an old House episode(However, I suspect this was a mistake as you really did mean a new series...................surely)

As you are all aware, I have been known to have a slight dependency problem on my long time friend the humble television. Now I guard this non chemical escapeisum with ferocious intentsity and for the love of god do not talk to me while me 'programme' is on! call it sad, boring or pathetic I call it my sanity preserver.

The bastards have deemed 24 not popular enough to dictate a prime time slot and have moved it to near middle of the night for a washed up mother 11.15pm on a Saturday night! If I wanted to stay up that late I would at least have the good manners to go out and have a crack at having a social life....................hmnnn I am sure I had one......perhaps I sold it on Trade Me with everything else.

I wonder if the obviously big brained Brad's at TV3 had ever considered the reason for a Number one show that has had stunning ratings in the rest of the world to appear completely bomb Rugby. CH actually enjoys 24 but would also not ever watch it over the ruggers for fear of growing breasts.

Now that the Rugby season is almost over, House(which I also enjoy) will receive higher ratings.
It is not rocket science.

You bastards not only was I not forewarned of 24's demise I had to put up with CH woefully slow channel surfing. Never fear the cooking chocolate took a beating again out of complete frustration.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Less than one month to go until my due date so I am trying to get as up to date as possible. I do not imagine that I will be able to do much blogging so here is the latest wee pic of Ella, pre sibling days. It was taken this weekend just gone at a party.

Had a horrid night last night, vomiting at 4am. Nothing serious, I just felt like I over ate and something had to give due to lack of room. Unfortunately, vomiting is quite powerful and with my lack of strength in pelvic floors............................ it was interesting times!

This is the last preggie photo you are likely to see as it was taken a few weeks ago before the huge exspansion, plus I am bending over so it looks like I have a small bump but in Reality my petit waist measures a whopping 112cm! I also have started to swell, joy

Wednesday, October 11, 2006


Well it had to happen sooner or later, the wheels have not just fallen off but have busted beyond recognition, in fact they may even be square to match my big ole square hips.

I have reached that stage of everything attached to me hurts including CH. I am just finding him godamn painful. All completely unwarranted anf unfair but still firing looks of contempt as he so nimbly prances around all full of energy and freedom of movement, bastard.

To underline and highlight my huge arseness I have recently broken a fairly solid bed by doing nothing more than rolling over to avoid stinking, drooling, snoring alcoholic husband. I wish I could have told a more creative story involving me as a horny pregnant chick and hours of passion unleashed, but I really do think a pregnant lady who has a huge sex drive may indeed be one of those urban legends, sorry boys have I crushed the dream.

That horrid night was the last time we stayed at Jason's parents place and I vowed and declared it be the very last time we stayed overnight in that house. Oh rapture it looks like we are there this weekend.

This time I will double check on the packing of ear plugs. Just one of the things that stop my slumber at this house is in two words "Prostate Problems" yes ladies this is no joking matter, you know those pelvic floor lifts we are all crap at doing on a regular basis well men need to do them as well and CH's father should be the poster boy! The afore mentioned has difficulties at present(to say the least) which means he seems to take forever to take a piss with many stops and starts and sounds as though he is standing on a step ladder pissing from a great height, ten minutes is a quickie and it wakes the whole house. This occurs every couple of hours. I am not even going to talk about the spiders and pet hair that is everyhere, infact before I really rant I will just stop on the subject. As they are good people and I love them both.

I made the bassinette up today........................counting down.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Pimping Bubba's ride

Well I did it, completed earlier project of re-upholstering pram. Fabric and purchase now makes this a $40 pram. Bargain!

Words cannot possibly describe how hard I found said project as all I had was an idea and a can do attitude. When will I ever learn.

It took, nine hours SOLID and two sewing machines. This sewing session was longer than all my sewing experience in my whole life. Thus far I am fairly chuffed with the outcome, I now wish I had taken before and after photo's as you would have been amazed.

I also had a haircut today, most exciting. It is so lovely getting your hair done and today it looks great, tomorrow of course will be a different story.

Monday, October 02, 2006

It really is raining!!!!!

For some reason or another the connection I have with what is reality and what is in Domestic Goddess land seems to be little disjointed.

For the third morning in a row I have awoke expecting brilliant sunshine, even though I can hear the pitter patter of rain it is still a complete surprise and disappointment to rip back the curtains and have a dull day staring back at me.

I guess this week I have so many plans and the only thing I expected holding me back would be my huge belly and perhaps motivational issues........not poxy things I cannot change.

Thus far I have built a step off our patio, I miraculous feat considering I had nothing in which to build with and no intention of spending money. It took most of the day but is fairly sturdy and does the job.

My second project is progressing well. I bought a double pram from the Salvation Army for $20 and as you would expect needs much work. This perhaps might have been a easy job for someone who knows how to re-upholster. I cannot even sew, and had to follow a manual just to thread it, let me just say it has been a trying time. BUT have even made patterns......I am on FIRE. The lounge is a complete mess and I still have doubts in my ability to sew let alone getting it all back together(I hate puzzles) Oh dear. I am hoping I am not pulling myself but I want this one finished today.

Right I had best go as I made a promise to myself not to piss around on the internet as before you know it I would have not only wated time but bought something.

Oh I had a wonderful evening last night, CH cooked a lovely dinner complete with wine and dessert........almost a date! However it all had to end a little prematurely as after dinner I had massive Braxton Hicks, almost contraction like in pain, I thought it was all on. I then realised all this proclamation of wanting to get the whole labour over and done with was actually bullocks.

In fact, no hurry take your time. Please.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Oh now this really is something a little special. Watch Wayne's stuggle to live his dreams and break out of the resthome circuit!

Six days of child free days!

You are never going to believe it but with all the anxiety I have over allowing Nana to steal my child away, I awoke this morning absolutely dead chuffed and my head bursting with plans and schemes to fill my week. Yes, blaaaa blaaa I do realise that perhaps I should be resting BUT it would be worse if I thought I was wasting what little free time I have.

I also had another thought this morning and I realised that CH is perhaps not so firmly strapped into the old gravy train. Sure his clothes magically appear washed, house cleaned, lovely meals, you know all the domestic stuff and generally he pays for services rendered in the form of me throwing looks of contempt and an almost always tired wife and friend.

It is upon that level he perhaps gained the mother of his child but the friend and lover almost beyond reach. This morning as I was alive with ideas and not clouded by morning grumpyness. I got up and made a most wonderful fresh fruit salad, yoghurt, juice and set up breakfast on the patio, lovely sunshine and music, bliss and quality. By this time I had also made him a lovely lunch as he is working all day. I guess it is just slowing down the pace and just enjoying what is.

I hope you all feel as inspired as I do this morning as it really is a most wonderful feeling.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Seven days, one week, 168 hours, 10080 minutes or longer than any diet I have stuck to.

Next week while all you Mothers out there are teetering on edge of sanity, up to your elbows in offsprings body fluids and weighed down by the pressure of house whipped bitch duties, I shall be realxing in a Hammock in the great land before child. A choice of good books, no routine and do what ever the hell I feel like. Yep I am one foot loose mutha.

Do I sound convincing?

My one and only daughter is about to leave my side for not a day but seven of the bastards and I am completely uncool about it.

I have much to do as we have not done any prep for the new baby and I also have many plans to finish a couple of projects and finally solve world hunger so I will be really busy..................... really anxious.................really worried...........I will most likely be breast feeding the cat before the end of the week...................................Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......

Baked beans, large portions YES PLEASE

Tis that time again when CH and I sit down and work out exactly how much money we have spent than actually earned. Every month is the same then why is it still a complete surprise.

As expected I am starting to nest a little and part of that is the overwhelming need to be nesting in my own home and not a cat pee smelling rental. Unfortunately CH seems to have heard my nagging upon the subject(almost unheard of!) anyway we are too skint to purchase a property up here so do we sell our CHCH home or not?? who the hell knows, we did our sums for what seems like an eternity and still cannot make it happen.

Hell the hell do others do it. We went online and got a estimation of what banks would lend us and what a bunch of dumb bastards the only way we could make those weekly repayments is by living on Signature Range baked beans and as you all know me that is never going to happen, I would rather cut off my left boob than give up my life long love of lush grocery items.

Good things happen to good people right? All we need now is an old chap with a huge established farm complete with orchard and flowing river who has a old homestead he no longer wants to rattle around in alone and in exchange for cooking and cleaning he lets us live our lifestyle dream..............................................Any takers?

Hold on perhaps if I put in a few choice words of what old fellows may be searching for ummmm boiled cabbage, Old Spice, Bonanza re-runs, garage sales, cribbage, curried sausages, Park Drive, Brylcream, clearance sale, overalls, jugs, quarts and seven ounce glasses. There my cunning trap has been set.

Come hither, I am a fantastic could you not?

Saturday, September 23, 2006

So this is Saturday?

Hmmn I am sure I should be feeling bad about something.......

I have just finished my second grilled cheese sandwich and I just have to say, I make the best grilled cheese.

My television viewing pleasure consists of shit(much like my night), hence why I am paying you any attention.

I Have just put CH to bed after an amazing human body sound effect special consisting of shitting through the eye of a needle.

Perhaps I should not have made him clean up his own incredible all incompassing power vomit from not only the floor but half way up the walls.

Looking back, forcing him to change an extremely smelly nappie of Ella's may have been a tad harsh.

Why? earlier today CH made rather a pig of himself at the Rugby as he went along to a corporate hospitality event all beer and wine provided. Judging by the vomit, they actually provided some food....Salmon by the look.

Unsympathetic? Moi? Bet your arse.............there is nothing worse than a middle aged bloke attempting foolish student drinking games in an attempt to drink a good friend of mine under the table with the intention of sending him home, blind and in trouble with his wife.

Murphys law is a bitch.....................My friend holds his alcohol much better than soft cock CH, I could have told him that thinking of our student days.

I must admit to wondering if what CH is going through could be the sole fault of alcohol? Runny bum, in particular while still pissed? Hmmmnnn, My lord I have been in some states in my time and no matter how rat arsed I have been, I have never been like this.

The poor bastard is dribbling so much that I have him sleeping on a towel, man I cannot wait to snuggle up to that all night. I would sleep on the couch if I did not fear the possiblity of CH choking on his own vomit.

Morning is going to hurt.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Busy but bored??????!!!!!!

Sixty days and counting.

I need to find a way to chill, relax and just let time pass peacefully. Sixty days, two months is actually quite some time and it will not just fly by. I feel like a an upside down b sniffing mouse surrounded by hungry cats. I am really busy, not sitting on my chuff but at the same time, really bored. I have started nagging again to add interest but it just does not give me the same satisfaction any longer.

Many weeks ago I told you of a project I was working on, embroidery, well I actually finished and sent it long ago and the person in question should have it by now so I can show you and you can bask in my crafty glory. It was my first time and learning from a book was a little harder than I expected but once I get an idea there is no way I will not achieve it.

But to be fair I do wish I could learn a hobby and actually stick to it, as per usual I take the time to learn something new, get all the gear and then I get the feeling well I have done it and what is next?

You see I am a traditional type of gal!

Gooey Lemon Slice

Here at DG HQ I have been working tirelessly just for you, in order to find the most easy, fast, using products normally at hand and gob smackingly tasty treats to even wow the ladies at the CWI. This week my crusade was lemons as we seem to have an abundance of citrus and there is only so much lemon curd one can eat. Should you have any other ideas on how to use said lemons, please share.

It really is very good and it would be a crime not to share.



2 cups flour
1 cup butter

1/2 cup Icing Sugar

2 cups sugar
1/3 cup fresh lemon juice
1/4 cup flour
4 eggs
1/2 tsp baking powder
2 Tbsps Icing Sugar


Preheat oven to temperature 350°F. Combine first 3 ingredients and press into a greased 9x13 inch baking pan. Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until golden.

In a bowl, combine next 5 ingredients until smooth. Pour over baked crust and bake for 25-30 minutes. Cool, cut into squares, and sprinkle with Icing sugar.(if you have not got one of those handy Chelsea icing sugar shakers, get one)

Now in the spirit of all things yummy I would strongly advise adding the zest of lemons plus adding less sugar to the lemon mixture and adding more juice or jazzing it up with a bit of lime juice.


Thursday, September 14, 2006

Pass me the salt and lemon would ya honey

It has finally happened, I now have the Mummy attitude to match my worn and haggard Mummy body.

Twas the night before the weekend and all in the house were quite.....cos we were bloody sleeping! Two nights without Ella, unbearable anticipation and we were so knackered we could not stay up past 9.30, not even a decent shag..............mind you at present the term bumping uglies really rings true. I kid you not my entire weekend was thinking about my little girl, I had no idea the strength of co-dependancy. We went to the movies, only crap on but we went to a Movie called something like 'Lady of the water' I enjoyed the flick,very whimsicle...not going to be all that memorable however. We also planned to go to this restaurant, who would have thought the bastards would be fully booked in Blenheim! We went to Picton and spent most of the time with a crazed wide eyed look going on as man that place is seriously odd. Then to top it off I spent the remainder of the weekend trying to plan things so not to waste a moment, unfortunately this was not CH's idea of a relaxing spontaneous weekend. Bugger.

Then of course I expected my angel to see me and running through fields of daisy's with arms fully out stretched...................instead I got sullen contempt.

I have discovered why..........Nana, bless her cotton socks feed my child crap, morning, noon and night. My little cherub now refuses to drink her normal water or very weak juice and is throwing tanties for real full strength stuff. She arrived home on Sunday and four days later still has not eaten a proper meal as her stomach is still really upset. She is miserable and really being an arsehole.

What to do, first reaction was to call Nana and promptly read her the riot act. I am seething considering we did lay down the rules. Oh god I detest confrontation with anyone else other that CH. Plus I remember laughing and scoffing at parents who had similar experiences and thinking they should really loosen up. Oh feck.

Maybe that is why I am craving wine and help me loosen up. I really could go a Bulmers cider or perhaps a jug of GnT with loads of chunky lemon and limes with ice on the back porch................Margarita........god I love Margarita's, it must be nearly summer.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Welcome to week 29

Eleven Weeks to to go!

It could be the comforting effects of guzzeling chocolate on this rainy afternoon. But do you know that feeling of standing on the gangplank of a bungy bridge and the heavy weight of that huge rubberband pulling you towards earth. Pure excitement. There is far too few times in our lives where we are balancing on the cusp of something that sends shivers down your spine.

Today I am there, as I take this moment alone and toddler free just you and me and a baby makes three. I am terrified and yet I am excited on the journey that we as a family are about to embark upon. I am so excited about the prospect of meeting our new edition it is almost unbearable. Seeing her face, touching her fingers and being enthralled about the miracle of life and hoping I have not given her my feet and high hair line! Will she look like her Daddy, will she look like her sister, what colour hair? Soon.

We have so very much to do as we have organised little but now I guess I can pin my ears back and go for it as really we do not have long to wait.

I am not one to wish my life away and I know there are times coming before she gets here that will be tough but I shall attempt to enjoy every moment while she is in my belly when I do not have to share her.

Friggin Murphy

It has been awhile since my last blogging. I have been sulking.

Previously said childless weekend was replaced with regular child weekend, teamed with onslaught of family-in-law staying. I am a lucky girl.

That will teach me for being so darn excited about it it the first place. However good things happen to those who wait and if all the moons align it may just happen this weekend. As with every other aspect of my life I of course will be ignoring it. Hopefully it will just creep up on me and actually happen.

Now let us all rejoice for today is a good day. I have just discovered that the red place has Cadbury Dairy Milk Value packs 400g for $2.99. Given that this is my main squeeze these days I shall not be moving from the couch for the rest of the day. I have never liked plain chocolate before unless it was really good blow your head off stuff. At the moment, my god it is fantastic. There is no accounting for taste.

Since I last wrote I really think that the reality of living in Blenheim has become a good one. I have met some really lovely like minded people and joined a couple of groups and actually having some fun.

To make myself more at home I have been building a herb garden and nearly finished a salad garden and within the next couple of week hopefully I will have an area prepared for planting tomatoes. Fantastic.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Blooming Newsflash

I can hardly believe it, this whole moving to Blenheim thing may be panning out to our advantage, firstly Jason got a good bonus and achieved target in his first month.

But the height of my excitement and it will only be appreciated by parents, God Bless Ella's granparents as they want to have her for the Whole weekend........Yes of course I am nervous at being seperated BUT FUCK YEAH, we can sleep in, go to the movies, no shitty nappies or whingeing child..............It was funny, when Jason first told me I said great we can go to the that moment I forgot I was heavily pregnant. Kinda limiting.

But who the hell cares, to be able to just hang out together as a couple, is amazing...well it has been nearly eighteen months.

Yahooooooooooooooooooooooooo where does one start..............................

Shite, feck and bullocks

Who in their right mind would upset a hormone driven woman, I am nuts, completely addled and well beyond the reach of reason when my cooking does not turn out completely to my satisfaction let alone someone else pissing on my chips.

As I have proclaimed before, I am truly trying to pick and choose my battles and just let go......breathe in and release. Besides I know this is truly not me, the real size 12 Jody is bound and gagged in the cupboard for most likely another nine months or so.

However CH is currently in Christchurch for a couple of days and as luck would have it so is Ella's carseat! We have had to cancel plans left and right. I am sure CH will claim that it was all in an attempt to get me to slow down(arse covered)......bum he may be a little right as I did have many plans but will now have to bullocky walk/waddle.

Man oh man, I remember having vivid dreams with Ella but mine currently are tumbling into 3D night terrors, one after the other for example last night a snapshot of my dreams would consist of Tsunami, volcanic eruptions, lost at sea, rape, murder, being trapped and helpless with waters breaking, inability to use lifesaving technology. How very relaxing. Gee I cannot wait until tonght.

Monday, August 21, 2006

New Maori King

Did any one see the tradtional challenge and welcome at the Turangawaewae Marae yesterday? I only saw it once and it was spine tingling amazing, I am a little overly emotional at present but this sent rivers of tears flowing, my toddler daughter even was excited with eyes as big as saucers and a grin from ear to ear while clapping. It was sad to only have seen it once as the coverage of the even in the news was fairly scant.

Mind you when she was conceived we were spending time in Rotorua and immersing ourselves in Hangi's, carving, Marae Protocol and all things native to New Zealand, I wonder if a seed planted took root very early in her soul.

I must admit to knowing little of the new monarch Tuheitia Paki time will tell. I think his job will be more in the spotlight than in Dame Te Atairangikaahu's reign. Interesting times.

Apricots galore

I do apologise to all those going in to the supermarket in search of Apricots. I have perhaps eaten all of them. Dried, tinned, covered in rich dark chocolate, immersed in white chocolate with brazil nuts, smoothies and of course apricot slice. I am not fussy. Large portions, Yes please.

I have this amazing appetite for the little succulent bright orange morsels. I know, horribly high in the preservative sulphur dioxide. They are so very fine.

Blooming cravings.

Grey's Anatomy

Yes, I know and by now it should be no surprise to you that I am indeed a geek.

I am already suffering withdraw symptoms of losing my life blood television programmes, I know I came out with positive fighting words about not being televisions bitch anymore......

I recant, come back all is forgiven. I will gladly hold the lining of telly's pocket.

I am gutted, not only has Grey's finished UNTIL NEXT YEAR are they mad!!! I will be.

Mcdreamy managing to slip and impale himself in Meredith's Praying Mantis embrace. All the while the lovely Dr Addison Sheppard awaits. I will not even go into the obvious wardrobe malfunction that occured to make Addison look old and warty and Meredith look hot.
Denny........Oh Denny you lovely man........sigh.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

No Scientific Proof! Arse

Did anyone see 'The Perfect Age' on Sunday evening?

I am gutted they said there was no scientic proof of such a thing as Baby Brain or Nappy Head existing. I'm screwed then.
It is truly amazing how we forget little things, seemingly small bits of information that may one day remind us not to do something i.e Childbirth!

I have finally reached the 26 week mark and already feel 10 months pregnant. My stomach has dropped ALREADY, I have a significant sway when I walk. enough to rival a Brazilian drag queen. I grunt and moan most of the time, so much so that my toddler has picked up the habit and moans when she bends down. Charming.

One of those little things I had forgotten was that milestone when you can no longer pee quitely. Infact during those still wee hours in the dead of night when you are making your fourth visit to the loo, people within earshot could be forgiven in thinking such a racket could only be achieved by standing on the toilet seat and pissing from a great height!

I am not even going to talk about the farting, as of course I would not ever do such a thing and should I be struck down with such a curse it would sound like a melody and smell of spring flowers.

Yes, still deluded.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I feel like such a selfish sad arse. I have finally reached the point where I no longer want to bitch and nag CH any longer. I am sick to my back teeth of always finding something to pick holes in or be simmering about. But how the feck do you let go?

At any one time I could right an A4 list of things that CH has done to piss me off of late. I detest feeling so friggin hard done by all the time it is so draining. The worst part is I have been having thoughts of late that it would be so much more easy without a significant other in my life as at present all CH provides is financial, I realy feel like I am going solo except instead of caring for one child and one on the way I feel like I am caring for two and one on the way.

Ever since my lovely child has been born I have been aware that to keep my sanity I need time off to be me. Every so often it comes to a head, I reach rock bottom rehash the same shit to CH, come out feeling better that things will change and guess what they don't.

CH is great do not get me wrong but I just want to feel respected and not someones dishpig as he so plainly put it 'it is my job' Be fucked, you can well imagine how I took that and how long I shall remind him of said quote.

But yes, it is my job. I do love being a mum it is the add ons I truly despise.

Women everywhere do this same job everyday and seem to do so without the slightest hint of resentment and worse they do it with ease and enjoyment, why am I wired so differently?

How will I cope with another child?? I am completely baffled to the logistics of such an operation. Although I am a god fearing type of gal I have not been a god worshipper since I gave up the idea of being a nun when I was 10. Now more that ever I wish I had my faith as I would pray for strength and perhaps be reassured that it may come to me.

For now I will just breathe

Monday, August 07, 2006

Thankfully after months of loyalty the Television is loosening its death grip upon me. With the seasons end of so many of my favourites, I have every confidence that some day soon I will not be Telly's bitch.

I know, I know early days but and the likelyhood of me finding some other life sucking void to fill in my evenings is high BUT I will try to fight it.

As you all know yesterday started with a motivational explosion and I am pleased to tell one and all that I managed to stick to most on the list with only half a chocolate chip biscuit to add to the guilt list. Remarkable, staying away from shops is the key.

I went to the most fantastic Plunket group today and met a cool bunch of gals, but strangely none of them local.......................I have a feeling infiltration of local yokels may be difficult and perhaps unheard of.

Any embroiders out there?? I am trying to create the what appears to be a bullion rose and am having difficulty pulling my needle through, any ideas terribly lady like.

War in Israel

I have been trying to get my head around the conflict that is currently formost in many of our minds.

Each time I think I understand a little more of what is happening, I dig up something else that completely discredits what I thought I understood.

If you have a similar interest here is a link that could be of some interest

Here is a snippit from today's online forum.

To what extent is a victory possible in the Israel-Hezbollah war? If a military victory is reachable, what do the sides need to do to achieve it?

"Israel nevers learns . One of the principal reasons Hezbollah is so popular in Lebanon, is that it is the social welfare infrastructure, it provides schools, hospitals and other important aspects of the society. In targeting these things in its effort to root out Hezbollah Israel has created a perfect environment for the regrowth of Hezbollah. In destroying the infrastructure and demonstrating the in ability of the Lebanese government to defend their people Israel has created a need in the minds of the people for Hezbollah.The west, including Israel must take responsibility for rebuilding of Lebanon in order to choke off the resurgence of Hezbollah,The same is true in Palestine with Hamas.Be brave Israel, be smart. Take control of providing social support for the people of your enemies and you'll find the people on your side. Then the war will be won."
Sean Calaghan, Melbourne, Australia

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Deception Point

I have just finished this book and found it a fast read but a good on the edge of your seat piece of escapement.

I actaully enjoyed it far more than the Davinci Code.

The Perfect age

Did anyone see last nights new programme on the perfect age? Most enjoyable catch it next week, Channel 3 @ 7.30, Sunday.

Motivation!??? it must be Monday

Tis I Mrs Under delivering on the over self promising.

Once again I am putting three fingers to keyboard to proclaim the virtues of healthy living and how I intend to make a lifestyle change.

This time blog fans it needs to happen. I am feeling like a sack of shite and have been for some months now. Some of said feeling could of course be put down to being with footballing, innards gnawing, vitamin leaching child.

My diet of late has been shocking. This month I made an exciting discovery, as you know I am crap at sleeping...........................well I have worked out that if I really gorge myself on chocolate now I am talking full kingsize before bed behaviour! I almost sleep right through the night and am only getting up at the most twice! This is remarkable for me as normally I lay awake for hours and have to pee at least every hour.

As I am sick of speading most my day and night in the loo I am lucky to drink a litre of water a day. Since I am tired I only feel like eating crap, so I do, all sugar laden goodies.

So the cycle begins again.

This time I really going to try hard as I need to see and feel improvement or I am never going to cope with another child without going postal. Here is the plan, nothing drastic as that is just pissing in the wind.

  • Drink at least 2lt of water a day, no fizzy or juice(purchase incontenence pants)
  • Eat at least three servings of fresh fruit (buy less haemorroid cream)
  • Trade in White bread for low GI bird bread
  • NO BUTTER, low fat marg or cream cheese
  • Walk to town at least three times a week
  • No eating after 8pm and no more choccie banquets
  • If need a biscuit, one is fine a packet is not.
  • No more bakery food
  • Actually do my pelvic floors as I really need to!!

Righto I shall give this a whirl, this is possibly normal and everyday for most of you virtuous sods, but for moi it is almost life threatening. If I can do this for the next month feeling good should be reward enough but incentive is great and I shall treat myself to a Hair appointment(it has been six months!) and some nice moisturiser and eye cream.

Ladies raise your pump bottles and lets drink to feeling healthy and Joie de Vivre!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Week two

What can I say ladies.....except I am sorry, sorry that most of you that read my blog are not in Blenheim. The weather here truly is lovely, one overcast day in two weeks is not what this smog ridden Christchurch girl is used to.

I live about a 20min waddle from town and love seeing all the citrus fruit that everybody has in their garden. We must be about the only place with none, I must admit to being saddened by the amount of fruit that just lies to waste. I have thought about saying I will take some off people hands but you know me I just never could.

I went and had a coffee with a lady who gave me the in's and out's of what there is to do in Blenheim, very valuable information. It is the same old story, word of mouth is the most important source of information.

We had our first swimming class yesterday and met some lovely people, I could not fault the course at all and Ella really enjoyed busting some new moves.

Play center tomorrow so that should be good.

I also have found the local craft shop and have now set about trying to teach myself how to embroider. Not as easy as you would think when trying to teach ones self from a book. Yet another project I have on the go......I do hope I can finish this one.

I also have stumbled upon a lovely Jewellery shop called Ticketyboo and have spotted a few items of interest, I have left several cards at high traffic areas in the house and even a map of how to get there.....................too much of a hint?

Sorry the blogs of late are incredibly boring but I really am still a bit bamboozled about this whole shifting thing and I feel really up in the air, I guess it does not seem real yet.

Monday, July 24, 2006

So do you fancy a quickie?

Firstly we have landed in Sunny Blenheim. Car trip with toddler, not completely out of the realms of 'Bride of Chucky' Oh well who can blame her so since she was going to have a crap trip I thought I may as well give her crap food....choccies....Marshmallows...Chips..All the badstuff. Her carseat and anything within a sticky fingers reach needing much cleaning.

Our new home as you know was taken site unseen. Thankfully the close proximity of the train tracks is drowned out by the terrible traffic noise. Apart from that the house is great, old stained and kinda smells but is sunny and has much more space than our beloved Christchuch shoe box. It just feels right.

I met my new midwife yesterday and she seems great. There is a grand total of nine midwives in the Blenheim area and they do the lot birth, slice, dice and reconstruct. The Maternity ward has only a few rooms and is never full. The plunket lady only sees people on a Wednesday. I honestly had not contemplated how country this is.

Groceries are very expensive, there is no competition, no market gardens and very few butchers. No Wendy's or BK but thankfully they have just got a movie theatre. No Recycling!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am disgusted. But it is lovely, although the weather seems similar to Christchurch in accordance to the weather news, it is so much warmer. We only have a fire and it cooks the house, I have no need to turn on a heater in the shower and I can get my washing in at five and have no dampness. Brilliant.

I have been tuning into the local radio station to get a feel for what is going on and do you know what made the news on Monday? There were three shoplifters caught in the weekend and two youths who jumped on the roof of a car and then tried the door handle were apprehended. Fantastic. Not murders, not beatings...................I even feel safer. Get this, our insurance is cheaper given the low crime area!

Anyway I must dash as my child is driving me batty and I really have many boxes yet to unpack. CH is away on a managers meeting and of course I have taken it upon myself to have the place ship shape upon his return...........of course to keep him happy......NO I would never yes it as leverage...................for much later.

Monday, July 17, 2006

What the hell is cardboard made from?

You may consider cardboard boxes an absolute neccesity when it comes to moving your possesions around the country or saving the environment from yet another plastic bag that will drown a duck somehere.....but beware of boxes in bulk.

Three days ago our local supermarket put aside some premium boxes for us. I went to pick them up, thanked them kindly, loaded said boxes into my family wagon, drove home(noted odd cardboard/sewage smell, mental note to harrass husband over farting in family wagon), unloaded said boxes.

Three days later car still stinks, any room where boxes in numbers have congregated, stinks. Is the cardboard made from recycled bog roll, if so should our foodstuffs be transported in it?

Yes, you are right I am babbling, obviously stench from packing said boxes have addled my brain. It could also be the fact I am so friggin bored of packing said boxes...............yes I am avoiding packing more said boxes by over using the phrase 'said boxes' about said boxes.

I guess I had best stop sulking about not being able to watch Greys Anatomy, friggin reruns.
I am sure Patrick will wait for me. However I do wish they would change his characters name.......for the love of God.......Derek just does not inspire hotness. Sorry Dereks.

Oh well best I go and pack some more shit in boxes or has is already been done!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Look forgive me I do not think the previous photo was very flattering but at least I have another one of Ella to put up, much better.

Yep she still has those squishy cheeks.......I do hope the Russian President is not reading my blog or he will be over here to kiss her tummy.

Incidentally I do believe there was anything sinister about that little media whoops. If that is the extent of our world wide coverage I do not know whether to be appalled or thankful.

In fact CH used and still has a thing for chubby cheeks not sexual but just loves them thankfully I have them in abundance.

Just in case you miss us so, it has been said I am crap at putting updated photos of us and more specifically MOI.

Not really worth waiting for, hey next time I may even wear makeup!

Gone fishing

You may notice a serious lack of the normal pointless drivel that I force you to read. This may be so for the next couple of weeks as I really am having a most lovely time trying to pack with a toddler. Cringe. As soon as I am settled in equally as lovely Blenheim I am sure I will be back to ranting and raving

Stay tuned

Provided I do not go postal in between times.

Close very close.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Oh my god I am going to give birth to skelotor(spelling?), you know skinny action figure fella. Looking to be a nice slim head...............................

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Midwives in Blenheim

If anyone knows anything about any midwives in Blenheim please give me a heads up and Wanda if by chance you have a stich and bitch Blenheim branch let us know.

Oh yeah I forgot about

We just had our scan and I can proudly confirm we are not in actual fact having a giraffe on upside down b for a child but it is a GIRL. How lovely a sister for Ella but given the pregnacy thus far, the new one is going to give Ella a run for her money on the naughtiness stakes.

How exciting we are no longer having an it. Now to nail down the name.

Moving to Blenheim

Hmmmn Blenheim......lovely small slightly rural town, sunny, vineyards with access to Cherries and lots of them. It is official we are packing and moving on up. I can almost feel my extra arm sprouting out of my back.

I know little of the place except that the rent is much more exspensive, cost of living is higher and my husband wages are not going up and he will be working longer hours. All making perfect sense on a already well stretched budget. Key word to remember is LONGTERM planning and sometimes we must take a step back to move forward...................fingers crossed.

Over the next few weeks I will be busy trying to find a trailer to live in up north, find tenants for this home, prepare this one for rentals(I am just taking a break from varnishing the bench) packing while fending off a helpful toddler and feeling hugely pregnant. So much to do I am am finding sleeping even more out of reach than usual as my mind is going ten times its normal speed and of course I feel like the weight of the world is upon my shoulders. Thankfully I have a husband to share the burden, well at least a quarter of it anyway.

CH said the most lovely thing this weekend just gone, we were talking about a friend of ours who is a fantastic catch but can never seem to find the right girl as ideally he would like to settle a bit more. He went on to say that he would like to find a woman he considers his equal, Jason replied that would not be good enough do what I did and find not your equal but your better to inspire your growth and give you incentive to do your best. How lovely is that, of course I had to confirm he was talking about me and not some five dollar floosie with no teeth.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Filthy Rapist

When our tried and true men in blue describe the profile of New Zealands most wanted as a "Filthy Rapist" there is little separating the many with the blue. Although the quote was apt and would easily roll off any of our tongues, that is the point, should such an emotional response come from the thin blue line? Sensationalisium(sorry poorly spelt) already runs rife throughout all forms of our media, what new dizzy scare mongering heights will we scale next?

It has already worked for me, being pregnant my mind is somewhat addled at best, anxiety appears to be at the root of all evil at present. I feel much empathy for anything using more than a few choice verbs. I think I am going to put myself on a Nationwide media ban. How are you feeling about the events of the nation?

If all articles are to be believed we are a nation of violent sexual attacks, child abusers, child murderers, child abductors, hell we even run our children over with our own vehicles with alarming regularity all of that and throw in mass hysteria produced by opening a MALL of all things, all those greedy bastards pushing and shoving for a bargain. It is those same greedy bastards that may even share something with you, a thrist and a hunger to feed off each new and sordid detail of the crimes of the hour, to lap up the media and relish tales that should only exist in a world of Wes Craven. Sure there will be the obligated, grimace and filthy rapist or sick bastard comment. But essentially that glimmer in the corner of the eyes that once existed when watching a public hanging, is still there.

For me no longer I have had enough, I already have a fear for my family and friends and what stalks them. I already want to lock my door during the day. I am not capeable of listening to horrible graphic details of a crime and then continue cooking dinner. It stays with me. I wish it would stay with everyone, no not so they are as anxious as I but to remember the feeling and perhaps make more effort to do more. The standard is we quickly forget until it happens again but nothing has changed in the interim.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

To all my friends basking in the warmth of the northern hemisphere, wearing tank tops and most likely slurping fruity concoctions out of coconuts decorated with umbrellas made by poorly paid children. I hope you all have prickly heat rash chafing in your buttock crack!

We had one day this week were the temperature never got above ZERO. Day three and still surrounded by a snowy lake. Thankfully we still have power.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

The week that was

Imagine this leaving home at the tender age of 16, willingly left behind are all the ties that bind. Parental relationship spurned and off one goes willy nilly to live a new exciting life.

Then pan to fourteen years later Mother comes to stay for a whole week! Blimey you would need to be a saint or a saddist to enjoy the experience in its entirety. Words just cannot describe the horror that was last week. On reflection it was good practise for looking after two children under two, in fact much harder as at least babies go for a nap.

I thought it was about time I include the latest wee piccie of Ella, here she is just finished doing her current favourite thing, picking her nose,the wee grott, hours of fun, oh bless just like her Daddy.

We went to Playcenter again this week and I truly hoped I would enjoy the experience more but I hated it. The whole place reeks of political correctness and parents co-operative, I mean for god sake they where holding a "Trial" paper swords ban as some uptight sugar hating parents got offended at boys making paper swords and playing pirates. Sad gits, live a little and have a regular coffee! Hey even I would like to play pirates if I could play with Mr Depp..................However I shall go as it is fantastic for Ella, she just goes wild and leaves me at the door and finds everything messy and fun, Mummy who?

Oh great that gives me time to talk to the locals, do my little jobs and play nicely. Goody. I think the main problem with me is I could never be rude and always find it hard to say no but I truly do not want to be embroiled in the lives of more people I do not choose. You know how it goes, introductions aside and the next thing you know is all about their life and pretty soon you need to choose whose side of the poxy playground you stand on. Is it too late to pretend mute?

Thursday, June 01, 2006

I am a Faithful Creator

I do not usually do these things but I needed some answers toaday and have found this one to be very insightful and accurate. Easily pleased huh! Thanks to Rose for this one

My Personal Dna Report

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Naming your child

I love family tradition and wish that there was some decent names or at the very least people whom I admire in my family. Unfortunately most of the women were incredibly grumpy old crones with names like Lottie and Edna. I think I am so caught up in the tradition aspect as I myself have no links to my past at all, I have my adopted family and that is it. I want my children to see a clear path of whence they came to start a new strong lineage. I wish I had more to tell them of their ancestors as I would know everything given the choice. In complete contrast CH could know everything about his heritage but has no interest, what I would do for that!

I had quite a long list of names for our last child and CH could only agree on one. Hence we ended up with a common as muck name but I managed to sneak something with a little more interest in for a middle name, Ella Raine. CH wanted Carmen!!!! there is no way I am naming my child after a transvestite crack hore.

Anyhoo this time around I am revisiting names from my old list and discover I still like them, one that I really liked last time as I was convinced I was having a boy was Noah. This time I feel like I am having another girl, do you think Noah can be a girls name? I think it is so lovely for girl as it sounds earthy and patient. I thought about dropping the H and making Noa. I know this word is used often spoken in Maori but I cannot nail down exactly its meaning as I have found about 75 uses for the word but none of them really clear for me. Does anyone know?

I also found out that Noa is commonly Noah in Hebrew mis-spelt and supposedly come from a word similar to 'movement' I must ask my friend Cathie if this is so as you know that heaps of crap is online. If movement is correct then is very apt as this bubba is a non stop groover.

Other potential names include Jorja Mae, Neave for a girl. Kirwin, Nathaniel or Jeremiah for a boy. I also have another dilemma, my sister lost a child Mary to cot death when I 12. We were very close and till this day I can barely speak of her without crying for the loss not just of Mary but more for my sisters pain. Although Mary is not on the top of my must have names but I feel if I was strong enough I would give this as a middle name out of respect, or would that be to painful my sister? I also wonder about the bad omen side of things. As it is still very much a raw open wound for my family asking if it would be ok would be very hard and knowing my sister even if she hated the thought of it would never say.

What to do.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Welcome to Momma's grand ole tinny house

Today's apperitifs du jour will mainly consist of Pamol followed by Pamol with Pamol. Ah Mummies little helper. You guessed it my angel in during the wee hours of this morning has evolved into a wet nosed snot goblin or more accurately a snot a gobbling. Yummy.

How do you teach a child to blow her nose when she equates all face wiping with stubbing out ciggarettes in her eye balls.

We have had a good wicket of it really as it has been well over a year since she or myself have had a cold. The good thing is I am getting many cuddles from my sick child ahhhhhh I now have insight why some mummies choose to dust their offspring's doughnuts in arsenic, they are just cuddle deprived. Teach the little beggers for witholding love. They learn that so early.

Poor timing on Ella's behalf to get unwell as today was the only free day we had this week and I had many a plan of how to fill in the day including the 'I would rather file my toenails with a band saw' than purchase some sensible cotton spinaker like maternity knickers as I am sick of my unelasticated arse covering sacks from the last exspansion(which horrifically have become my staple favourites)

Great, I am now my mother. Except she is much slimmer.....shall I hurl myself under a bus now or wait until the final nail will be purchasing size 16 knickers while standing next to a Kate Moss waif holding little lace anal floss in a size 6.

Or perhaps I should just feed myself another Doughnut.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Super 14

I need a serious talking to. Tonight is the night the second semi final for the Super 14 , comfortable favourites Canterbury Crusaders Versus underdog The Blue Bulls. Last nights match was fantastic The Mighty Hurricanes Versus New South Wales Warratahs, super game and of course we were victorious.....just.

Essentially tonights game is New Zealand Versus South Africa. Since I do live in Caterbury you would think that wanting Canterbury to win would be a no brainer. Unfortunately, I just cannot do it, I tried BUT I cannot possibly support a canterbury team as they have the most appalling bunch of one eyed, poor sports of supporters. Having spent much time at Jade stadium over the years and each and every time I am disgusted with the same behaviour. Oh my god I sound old!

Do not get me wrong, to have two NZ teams in the final of the Super 14 is an outstanding reflection of the depth and strength of New Zealand rugby but why can it not be any other team but Canterbury.

Goodbye Stinky

Success! I know you did not believe I would go through with it, today I finally packed up my husbands 'destroyer of all' Pooch and shipped her off to spend her new life with her new dad. After four weeks of trying to find the perfect home and sifting through all the rejects, many of whom I would not leave my pot plants with. Finally I found the perfect chap. She has actually been there since Wednesday but today we went to check to make sure everything was ok and you could tell they had bonded and she really was being spoilt.....................mind you she had already dug two holes!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Looky Looky

Here is the first paparazzi of my ever increasing bundle of joy, Boy? Girl? It was so lovely to see them and so very active!!!!! I think we will be in for a shock. However I am pleased to report that all is growing perfectly!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

How very lucky

A friend of mine has just won as Australian and New Zealand short story writing competition. How exciting. Chrissie is a fabulous writer and has been writing for many many years with many published works and books. Imagine that, getting paid for what you love to do. Mind you I have not actually asked her if she still loves what she does. I wonder if or when it changes from a passion to a job.

I love to write, I have no gift for the English language and as to exactly what gramma is, don't ask me! I can barely spell let alone construct a correct sentence. I actually got a book out of the library once with the intention of teaching myself grammar. I guess I had to wash my hair that week and never got around to doing it.

I do remember one particular part of that book that said something along the lines of every writer has a style whether it be one of traditional construction or more casual, it is what makes stories interesting. However, before one changes the stucture of grammar, one must know the rules. So I CAN write stories that would make my fifth form english teacher shudder as long as I understand the mistakes I am making.

One day, all in good time. Incidently fifth form was the last time I did English, I absolutely hated it. More interested in planning the weekend and of course BOYS.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Finally here

Today marks the twelve week mark of my pregnancy. We all hold our breathe up until this point and then collectively breathe a sigh of relief.

Well I am here but feeling no such signs of relaxing. I guess it is more of that not counting chickens before the hatch. Still very nevous for obvious reasons, but the good news is although I am still chronically tired but I only feel like vomiting for half the day! Wahoo

Starting to rapidly expand as well, I am going to be the bohemith! brain!!

Romantic Thought #5764

As winter is approaching and CH is old and perhaps even warty. All the broken bones of his past just seem to ache and of course with this comes the accompanied moans.

Purchase, fabulous muscle soak. Find candles, blow off dust from last romantic encounter. Place candles all around the bathroom, including on corner PLASTIC soap/shampoo holder. Place CH in bath with book.

Cue rapidly spreading fire that destoys whole plastic thingy and fills pleasantly scented bathroom with thick choking fumes and black bits floating throughout the house.

Clever girl.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Mmmmm Irvines cheesy goodness

Not to sound shy of a under arm razor but in my life to date I have always believed in listening to what your body is saying. Now I am not talking about that wee voice that tells you that picking your nose in the car is completely cloaked from vision from all passing vehicles but the one that actually gives you cravings for an orange when days later a cold hits.

I have always been Mrs Higher than thou canned food and have tradtionally thrown looks of scorn at convenience fare. Until now. I have just finished tucking into Instant cheesy mashed potatoes, microwaved frozen baby peas and a Irvines Mince and chees pie drowned in watties and I enjoyed every moment of it and am actually considering heating up another pie.

As far as cravings go, what nutritional value could this night plat du jour have given to my unborn child. Perhaps it is just a blip and I shall go back to my wholesome food devouring self.

The thought of healthy alternatives is currently turning my stomach.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

What a day

Yesterday could have been the longest day of my life. We had an emergency scan booked in for 5pm to see if we were still pregnant. Thankfully my mid wife did not tell us we were going in until about 3pm so I only had a couple of hours to dwell on what I thought was the most likely outcome.

I just felt numb lying on the hospital bed as they put the warm jelly on my jelly belly, I could not look at CH while they were searching for the baby and there it was a whopping four cm's with a regular heartbeat, Friggin fantastic. I stopped bleeding about 4ish yesterday as to why, I have no idea. I am still really not at ease in the slightest, I am nervous and do not know whether I will be telling you some horrid news in the next couple of weeks but for now I will rest and be trying on some positive thoughts.

I still have to believe in everything happens for a reason and for the best outcome.

I will be mostly concentrating on breathing for the coming weeks. I can still feel my heart beating in my ears and I feel tired to the bone, mentally exausted.

CH was fantastic, I had always felt with the last pregnancy that it just passed him by and was not really a reality for him until she was here. This one is different he wants it just as much as I do and was terribly upset yesterday but still my rock.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I am terrified

I am ten weeks pregnant and this morning I have just started bleeding. The first thing my mid wife asked was did I still feel pregnant. What scares me most is that I feel well. I am so very scared and upset, I know it is not a done deal yet but I have no idea what to expect, I am helpless and terrified.

I am well informed and knew that this was on the cards and women can bleed early on and be fine but I am so very sad, I just want to know so I can get on. How long do I have to wait?

Relax, don't think about, yeah real easy, to get that I need total sensory depravation, Chemical assistance would be wonderful if only it was a option.

Diving in Dahab

Here is the first and last time I expect I will be in Dahab, we had the most amazing time there, the diving was the best I have ever experienced. We spent a week or so there just lounging about and trying in vain to avoid the bedouin children, without exageration they were the most foul mouthed horrible kiddies I have ever met.

They made and sold cotton bracelets and you were doing ok if you only bought a few a day in fact if you failed to buy you where a 'soone ov a beech' god bless tourist who taught them english. On one I these days I remember asking one of these little girls what she would like to do when she grew up and she replied very matter of factly that she wanted to learn to cook chicken and that was it. I also remember the vast amount of friendly cats that live there which I loved as being so far away from my cat and anything familar. Morrocan Hash was another thing I remember all too well and the dodgy bugger we got it off gosh we did some stupid stuff, however Dahab was and I bet is still a most fantastic place and I hope tourist are not put off as they are needed by so many.

I hope my wee girl will learn to cook her chicken.