Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Fast cars

I also heard that The Christchurch City council is thinking about passing a curfew in four streets in the city in order to stop young hoons from driving their fast cars and congregating and setting hedges on fire.

I have plans on driving down those same streets then sueing for discrimination for not being young and cool enough for the police to stop, Sigh.

Rockstar Popstar

Butter would not melt eh? Of course it would not melt as she would most likely spit it in your eye then tell you where to ram it!

Still not sleeping through the night, not even showing signs of trying to. Boy, the girl is a screamer, the stamina and will power is quite something.

Just as well my love is neverending, you have gotta love a Mothers bond, simply amazing. I am still in awe.

The girls updated

Responsible driving

Sleep easy tonight friends for earlier today I heard upon the news that The Catholic Church has released new commandments in regards to driving. They are now encouraging people NOT to drink and drive...................why were they encouraging them previously! Or perhaps it is like encouraging priests not to interfere with altar boys and girls...................................yeah cause that worked well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Next they will be partaking in the blood ribena for communion.

Futhermore Catholics should pray while driving, bit of a bugger for me as if I am doing some serious praying my eyes are closed, I suppose that would be called blind faith, devine intervention or even the hand of god to get me through a round about with my eyes closed! Could improve my driving.

Parishioners should also make the sign of the cross before going on a journey, sounds good, in practice, but I think I will continue to wait for an opportunity to wind down the window and really show how cross I am!

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Ahhhh family

At what point do relatively normal females suddenly become smelly old women? I say this mostly tongue in cheek with only a sliver of actual fear. After all I once found it completely disgusting to wear anything other than little bits of lace with anal floss for knickers, at least all those watching our attempt at the America’s Cup will sleep easy knowing that if Team New Zealand drop a spinnaker they can knock on my door and borrow my undies.

I have just has my mother stay the week just gone and no disrespect intended BUT she smells. Now I am not talking about bad hygiene but they ability to drop the most silent and violent farts that I have ever smelt! To venture into the necessity room after one little visit from my mum took an act of courage or immense urgency, I swear to you that in that room there is a smell that would outlast digital television. A whole week of getting little powder puffs of arse vomit, I am truly blessed. I swear if she stayed for much longer, Ella's next sentence will soon be ‘Eugh…cough…choke..what the feck is that?!!!!!’

At least at times she did take the hint and farted outside of the vehicle but for the love of god they followed her in!

I have been thinking back from when I lived with my mum and I am sure she was not all that bad. Her diet certainly has not changed as she still enjoys the same god awful menu of boiled steak, boiled cabbage (with baking soda to ensure limp mush) and boiled spuds. I am sure she was not all that abrasive to my nostrils last visit so it must happened around the age of 65. From the smells of it, at that point your insides start rotting.

I think something similar seems to happen to Asian women. I see many young and beautiful women and dehydrated old crones not too many of the in between transition. Do they just go to sleep young and wake old and warty? Is there an ugly pill that gets handed out when the fail the ole boob pencil test? Do they hide? Where are they?

If you want to know where my Mum is just follow the stench.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Monday, June 11, 2007

S.M.S.A (save my sorry arse)

Yes no blogs. Reason, whole family has been ill over the last month, most likely the plague.

Obviously not the plague as that might deter family visits.

Currently using subtofuge and skull duggery to type this blog, only another week to go and my crazyness will be gone much like my family.