Monday, January 29, 2007

Situations Vacant

I have always been of the opinion that people tend to come and go from your life as needed. My transition into the weird and wonderful world of Beaver Town was made so much easier by my trusty shazza(No I have not turned carpet muncher, Blenheim really used to be called Beaver Town)

As with all good things they must end sometime. Shazza and her family have decided to move to Ashburton and that is punishment enough. No I am not being Mrs Venom mouth as I have lived there and do know a thing or two about the place. In fact my family still live there(even more motavation to never buy Realestate). Besides there are no better reasons to move than the reasons why she is doing it, and it simply cannot be easy to leave someone as witty and beautiful as myself.

Mind you things have possibly moved on since I was a lusty teenager in Ash Vegus when the pickings for fellows with a job with no obvious retardation and their own teeth were slim. But on the plus side they all had their own white freezing work gumboots. Swings and roundabouts I guess.

This aside, I need a new person at the top of my Beaver Town speedial list. Applications are being taken now. Various pre-requisites involving simple confectionery making skills, a pop quiz on historical and current TV hotties, general affliation to The Food and Living network, to be motavational and inspiring on exercise, being on the bones of ones arse with kids would help, but absolutely no bones of the arse to be seen as a love of food is all important. However I am an equal opportunity employer and I am prepared to look outside the square and perhaps I could grow to like soy. Unfortunately seed and lettuce eating, Ace of Base listening and Yackity Yack ME me's need not apply as you are not right for this band.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Monday, baking day

If you looked up the word Maternal today I am sure the explanation would be along the lines of,

Maternal-Not Jody.

Yes, the big Ella homecoming has not completely gone to plan as someone replaced our angelic cherub with a....lets choose my words carefully here................WANKER.......ummm....yep that just about covers it.

Seriously this screaming, head rotating, snot filled hitting demon and I did not get off to the best start this morning. In fact when CH rang earlier to ask how our day was going going her asked where was I as my voice was echoing. I told him I had locked me, myself and I into the bathroom. He laughed and said "That would be funny" and yes it would be if it was not true.

I blame me knickers. Seriously, undies are the foundation of your day and mine are riding to places best not spoken of. The real problem is that it has been ongoing, days of uncomfortable panties and much backing into corners and quickly wretching your G-String like full bloomers from your builders crack. In fact if you looked into those who have gone completely postal over the years, was the question ever asked "Are you having a good knicker day?" lets stop further crimes and lobby your local MP to bring in legislation to outlaw cheap undies and put an expiry date on all undergarmets. Good quality briefs for everyone!

Have all my knicker elastic failed at the same time? Or I cannot even utter this thought for the fear of it not being true...........................Did those two nights of aquacise classes, shrink my rear end? Geez if this is how it should be I would surely exercise more often. Sadly I guess it is just the elastic.

However today does start the eating better routine. Not dieting as that is really not me but I wish to eat a lot less crap, no more icecream with all the trimmings every night or nailing a couple boxes of choccies a week and not completely eating all my own baking. Team that with eating the odd bit of fruit and vege and drinking a bit more water, I will be full of energy in no time.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007


What a start to the morning.

I woke up and looked at the time and it was 8.20!!! feck I slept in, whay had Jason not woken me? was he late for work or just left Ella in front of the telly.........................I sprinted out of bed wearing only pillow marks and a line of sleep drool, bowled open the lounge door and expected to see Ella in her usual eyes glued to the TV state. But no. The house was indeed quiet and obviously empty?

It was then it really dawned on me. What a dick I am. Ella went to stay with her Nana yesterday. I have only Poppy to look after and Oh my god, what a blooming holiday it is and how Poppy really is a different baby when I get to spend lots of time with her. I have now firmly decided to look into some form of day care for Ella to go to so I can give Poppy my best rather than a little something left over.

Today being Thursday it also means Aqua exercise day, yes ladies I will be squeezing into my swimsuit and strutting myself down at the pool. I went on Tuesday and had a great time, giggling my arse off rather than working it off.

Strange things happen to a womens body when she has a baby, some things quite unspeakable BUT funny none the less. Of course you expect some alterations to the architecture of your girly bits, I should ask CH really as he had front row tickets to that blood bath. It is also expected that it is not only your abdominal muscles that have loosened up somewhat, but imagine my suprise that with first underwater lunge I felt like I swallowed a gallon of water and no, not with my mouth! It get worse, tremendous air bubbles that I assure you were not wind that came from that region and it does not stop there, upon getting out of the pool as I walked over to the changing rooms, that gallon released itself(now at body temperature) lovely.

NB: Remember to do your pelvic floors lifts.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

God bless Mothers

Forgive me. I really do apologise for my lack of blogging. I have no idea where time has gone except I tomorrow when I wake, Poppy will be nine weeks old. How????

I am still tired(no surprise) I still have the odd bad day but essentially I am having a ball. Poppy is sleeping sometime for five hours at night. CH is now starting to realise she is the seed from his loins and worth more than just the occasional glance. A mother's love is truly unconditional but it seem a father's love has a few conditions.

1. Baby must not cry when fed, warm and dry
2. Baby must sleep all night with no grunting
3. Baby body fluids must stay contained in unit or within nappy boundry

His tolerence with Pops was wafer thin but now as Poppy will smile, gurgle and laugh at him both his love and tolerence have bloomed. I am much happier.

In my travels I have spoken with several other women in a similar position to myself and it is suprising how we are all going through very similar issues. At one stage I thought I was perhaps married to a monster and how could he not like his daughter, I was disgusted. To discover that I was not alone and in large company in this was somewhat reassuring but frightful at the same time. I have many memories of conversations over my life right from childhood of women saying things along the lines of babies being boring and how men are not really interested until the child is more interactive. I never had a second thought about it. I now know what they really meant, it is automatic for me to think terrible thoughts about these men as imagine how the world would be if most women put their child into the "too hard bin" Some days are hard but we have no choice other than to cope or just to continue. However essentially I have gotten over it and no longer resent CH and take him for what he is in the present not for failures from the past. Is this nature? Is this how we were supposed to be? Is this why this unforgiveable behaviour is easily forgiven?

Cunning bastard number four

Another effing whitetail.

Ella is bug or as she says "Gug" obsessed, could this be the universe helping her out and keeping her entertained?

This four legged foe was caught on my bed late last night. I am a geek and instead of a pocket protecter I have my trusty book light. The only reason I even saw bugger was I was a little freaked out after watching that pathetic Haunted house programme and had to read.

Are white tails the naughty and nasty spiders we are lead to believe? I am a little confused as I am aware that with the arrival of babies my anxiety levels rocketed. Once this carefree girl could go mall shopping all day, ride esculators willy nilly, eat at food courts and push shopping trolleys around and stop for a little tasting on the way around the store.

Now................the thought of touching esculator rails, eftpos pin pads, trolley handles, public toilet taps and doors, then touching my children or eating without washing my hands makes my skin crawl. This is just one of my little idioscracies that arrived with my children.

If I stop to think about the first time we ever got our house sprayed for whitetails, it was within weeks of having our first child. I do not know what we expect the spiders to do but it must be along the lines of peeling our childrens skin off then burning their exposed flesh with ciggarettes as we are that scared of them. I remember when we did get our house sprayed and the chap with the mask and spray gun asked how many spiders we had seen and then rounded the conversation with reassuring comments of "Yes you have done the right thing, no point taking a risk with babies in the house, safe that sorry" blaaaa blaaaa Thus the guilt seed was sown.

I really do dislike spiders. We found our first whitetail a couple of weeks ago, since then I have let the daddy long legs live in our nooks and crannies as I was once that whitetails ate other spiders so if you had other spiders then you did not have whitetails. Bullocks. Over those weeks where I 'live and let live' they multiplied and there was a spider residing in every corner and when those spiders started fighting and eating each other I decided enough was enough and promptly made it CH's responsibility to get rid (Although I do not like them I still cannot knowingly kill them!) Besides what is the point of having a man if he cannot come to your rescue every now and again.

Anywhoo the point that I am making, are the white tails as horrid as I think or is it a simple matter of letting my over zealous parenting anxiety skills get away on me or could it be a league of pest control agents spreading vicious rumours, fear and noxious gases to ensure a good little earner? Who knows.

I'm Baaaaaaaaack

Yes, the photo's are sideways, but for the love of god is anyone else having issues with blogging?
I have tried several times over the last week or so to bore you with my ramblings and I go to Publish and the bastard kicks me off or just refuses to load.

Here is my two girls Poppy is now nine weeks old and smiling and giggling whilist Ella is....well you can see.

Monday, January 01, 2007

It really is 2007

Further to my self reflecton I have a few more little things in my life I would like to ad to my New Years list.

Slow down and take the time to love my family and kiss my husband more often as once he was my everything.

Still have my dream of having our own home with land here in blenheim BUT put it in the back of my mind for use on another day. I can help myself by not looking at homes for sale or realestate windows and ceasing to flick through property for sale publications

Become more physically strong and able, not for weight loss although that would rock but for health, to be able to kick a ball around and not struggle and protect my children should I need to. I realises this week if I was caught in water with my girls I am not strong enough to save them. This need to change.

Pat the cat or at the very least talk to her as I am so busy all I seem to do is kick her out of the way when I am telling her to feck off.

Do things just for me, I am not sure what yet but some time that is mine and mine alone.

Contrary to my opinion not everyone is as pro active and gives as much thought into situations as I do. If I want something done perhaps I should ask for it, rather than stewing.

Nope nine is just fine.