Monday, September 26, 2005

Ohh a night out

Well cover me in a full body boob tube and call me a sausage. But this sausage had earrings! Yes CH and I let loose, grabbed a Granny babysitter and we where off.

It was fantastic, exspensive wine and not the cheap arse whine I am used to, wonderful food and a night of sweaty steaming men in little shorts. Grrrrrrrrr Sounds exciting and sadly was my compromise to CH, a night game of Rugby blaaaaaaaa. Not too worry, spent less time watching silly boys throw a ball around and more gossiping to the girls. Had a really great night, met some lovely new people WHO DO NOT HAVE BABIES! and actually managed to hold a conversation that did not include widdle wee cute stories UGHhhhhhhhhhhh or the adventures of baby body fliuds.

Did manage to talk about my boobs.......oh well...... try harder next time.

This is just a quickie to let you all know that this will be my last blog for a few days as I have family comin to stay.......hopefully giving me many more interesting things to write about. Till then, Cathie if you are reading, where is the info I asked for xxxx

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Phase Two

Nearly over day one of my new healthy lifestyle. Acheivements would include managing to eat my Skippy Cornflakes without sugar, Ohhhh what a health freak!! Ok, so I take my sorry arsed wins where I can. No excercise today on the account of being snowed in, yup really, nothing to do with me actually hating physical excercise. Stood on the scales and no dramatic weight loss yet. Perhaps tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, I launch into phase two of my new health kick. The dreaded and most feared smear test. Contary to public opinion the birth of a child does not neccessary mean all prudish inclinations are null and void. In fact, I think it is now worse than ever. Girls bits are not the most attractive part of the female anatomy, couple that with a birth gone wrong(just call me train smash trousers) It would take a brave soul to work down there in fully lit conditions. If I was to see my girl bits in a line up down town, I would not recoginise them anymore. And tomorrow I am expected to drop my bloomers all without dinner and a date. Yes it is the right thing to do, no biggie.... then why are my so palms sweaty. Oh lets hope the duck beak is nice and warm.......small and held by a blind person.

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, let it snowwwwwwww

It is snowing!!!!!!! Absolutely beautiful. Odd time of the year, poor poor lambs.

I hate hairdressers

You know that horrible out of control feeling when you dream you are falling and then you awake suddenly with stomach bile in your mouth and deep shuddering in your bones. Lately, it has not been solely restricted to my dreams. A timely reminder of the Extreme Makeover episode I have been trapped in for the past year.

All I can say is Blooming Hormones. Mind you I have never been what you would call assertive in confrontations. (of course excluding CH, that comes easy) Even when I do stand up for something it infects me with guilt and makes me feel like I have just drowned a kitten. Last week in Farmers I was waiting in line as good kiwis do, when this women pranced in front of me carrying her size eight undies straight to the counter. It was then I made a desicion and in my best grown up voice ever 'excuse me I do believe I was here first' It was also then I realised what I had turned in to. There I was red cheeked and sweating, both from utter embarrasment and overheating in my jacket(as my top underneath was vomit stained) carrying far too many grocery bags and lugging a rather wriggly child. The lady replied haughtily 'oh I did not see you' Well at least the upside of that is not only did I look like a Klingon my cloaking device was working wonderfully.

Anyway back to the story at hand. My CH took Friday off so I could treat myself to a spiffing new do. I had the appointment booked, lots of freshly squeezed boob milk in the fridge. I was off. Bright sunny day, handbag swinging, me and my funky clothes stopped off for a double caramel latte and boldly stepped into the salon. I left five minutes later, reduced to tears. I will not bore you with the details of a middle aged hairdresser with a death grip trying to hold on to her thirties, whilist telling me how horrible I was looking and perhaps I could come back another day as they were overbooked. All I could say when she asked could she rebook me was a firm NO thanks. For reasons unknown I was devastated. I still feel guilty for not saying 'Hey no problems, book me in for next week as I have nothing else to do' If only.

On the brighter side I have planted my first vegies in my new raised gardens, snow peas and scarlett runner beans. I was thinking of my friend Cathie and planted sweet peas in with them. Tomorrow is Monday, I am supposed to be starting to be healthy. Please send me the strenth to do this.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

I can say almost with certainty that next week I shall battle the bulge. After almost a year of gluttony it is time to take control, not just little weighty issues but all aspects. I am most pleased with myself as I finally booked a mole map after three years of thinking about it, I also booked a smear test with six years of thinking about it, I finally booked a doctors appointment for other wheels that have fallen off recently and to top it all off I just booked a hair appointment to get all my hair cut off as it is currently tragic. But right now I have a few things to take care of before I can start to eat healthy, like the batch of muffins I made yesterday, they have to go. I shall keep you updated. CH has a few days off coming up so I guess I will not have time to write, fingers crossed for the next installment to be one made up of happy stories of exercise and eating lettuce!

Saturday, September 10, 2005

The dreaded small mouth

I am being serious, Ella is not looking her best these days. Her mouth seems to be getting smaller. Of course it could just be the fact her cheeks are swelling out of control and absorbing everything else on her face. Oh she loves her food and is starting to be a real brat at snatching food and throwing it in her gob before you can take it off her. I of course have discovered a new hobby, 'whoops I left a lemon segment within chubby arms reach' ha ha haaa that will teach her, but as per usual just to upset what little joy I have in a day, she now likes lemon.

Sunday morning, I am still in my nana nightie and waiting for inspiration. CH is working his seventh day in a row and only five more to go until he gets a day off. With CH doing many hours it means I am doing everything around the home, I am very bored with that. Everywhere I look there is clutter and most of it I can blame on CH for dumping his crap, I of course have tidied it every day through gritted teeth. It is only a matter of time before countdown commences and I open a can of whup arse on his sorry back crack. Why can I just not let it go and kick the dog instead.

Oh yes I would like to kick the dog as it is her daily challenge to destroy something I care about. CH was talking to a dog control officer and chatting about our issues with the dog. The fellow said that dogs are thick and don't think. You point to a hole they have dug and they think you are angry they have not dug it deep enough. Apparently I am wrong about them being naughty they are just bored and have no idea. I think that is bull shit, yesterday prime example. Normally every morning Tahi will come and say good morning and sit on the deck. Yesterday I did not see her at all and at lunchtime when I went to go somewhere she was cowering in her kennel and would not look at me(sounds like guilt to me). Sure enough she had removed all the bark behind my raised gardens and dug a trench. Mother f*&#er.

Nevermind we are having trellis made that will soon ban her from My beloved garden area. Oh how I love spring I have just planted strawberries, baby salad, mesculan, basil and corriander. My Raspberries, grapes and gooseberry are just awakening from their winter slumber. How exciting. The spring flowers are nearly over so summer must be just around the corner, I have mixed feelings on that one, 8kgs to go before pre baby weight, but as I have not dieted and have eaten 2 kingsize snickers, 1 kingsize crunchie, 2 kingsize cake of choccie, 2 family pkts of crisps, one tray of ginger crunch, one pkt biscuits all in one week, I deserve more than the 8kgs. That is disgusting. Oh I am soooooooooooo into choccie at the moment. HELP

Well it is that time again Ella is painting her cot with spit raspberries and I still have nothing done. Man do I feel like choccie. Their is a crunchie bar in the cupboard who is feeling very nervous. If only I had will power.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Father, it has been eleven days since my last blog, so what do I need to confess? The last week has been hell in overalls. I am just recovering from my CH (Current husband, can't have them too comfortable in their role!) Who took six days off work to wow me with his manly prowess. With those six days we took or swamp like section to a place where vegies, herbs and berries will be honoured to grow. To top it all off we also had an impromtu visit from my Mother-in-law who showered Ella in many pressies, cuddles and kisses. The most exciting part of all of that was CH and I went out for a drink, one whole hour of baby free time. Would have been slightly more exciting if I did not have to worry about my ill fitting clothing, my jeans too big(thankfully a size 16) and my top far too small. This proved interesting times when sitting, I spent most of the time trying to pull down my top to cover my builders bum.

Sunday was CH's first Father's day. I had many plans on how to make the day great. However, things did not exactly go to plan. In the end, I had no present to give CH, no food in the house for a special breakfast as I had to leave all my groceries at the supermarket(don't ask) no means to buy present as I have lost my wallet to top it all off I am having the worst time with chocolate and taking my gluttony and eating stamina to new levels. All was not lost, I just painted my six month old baby and used her like a rubber stamp to create a lovely Father's day card, crisis side stepped. I need not have worried, CH was so severly hung over and feeling sorry for himself for some dickie things he did the night before, any warmth I was sending his was greatly recieved. The day's highlight(apart from CH vomiting out his nose) was getting to see my oldest and dearest friend as she had a stop over at the airport. She looked really great seemed really happy and I loved seeing her.

Righto best go and make some noise as Ella has been sleeping for 14 hours solid and I am a little nervous. What a busy week I have, I hardly know where to begin, best I have a coffee and biscuit to think about it, infact I may have to have much coffee and cake with girlfriends to discuss a plan of attack.