I may have been a bit quiet of late, in fact I have almost been non blogging for 10 months or more. Why, too much to say I guess and little I wanted any of you to know.
Filthy word divorce, used with other equally horrid descriptive words like failure, break up, break down, heart break, shame, devastation and so very much more. I have got the T shirt!
It has been so very tough but to alleviate your fears I can indeed confirm that we are still married with the intent of being forever. Well at least for now..............I always have to have options, yes! I am aware of the problem but you would be so happy sitting next to me in a sinking ship as I would have at least 10 way outs up my sleeve all extremely well thought out!
It was bad at one point CH had actually packed his bags and we were dividing up our meager possessions and wondering what could have gone so very wrong. Ten months of gut retching sadness and more tears than I could handle is not good for a domestic goddess. The worst part was the eating and hiding away and the "put on a smiley face" Christ my lipsticks got so bright I looked like a trannie!
We never know how we will react to a situation until we are in it. As you all know I am a fairly strong gal but I fell to pieces. A dull mosaic. That my friends pissed me off more!
Upon reflection I made many mistakes and my most pivotal one was telling no one in my close circle of friends about what was happening. I just continued with life normality, La la la, organising coffee groups, Christmas parties, fundraising and helping out whenever I could. I do not know why. I have the most amazing bunch of women in my life and any one of them would drop anything and come if I called.....................but I could'nt. It was not healthy.
I guess as with all those of you who have read my blog over the years and been there with me as I muddle through barely knowing me arse from me elbow in this whole parenting gig. This seems to be a whole new phase. It is kinda like birthing pain, no one tells you about it until it is over and then generally ignored as it never happened. It seems to me that we all know marriages takes work but how much work is generally ignored. I now feel confident in our decision to stay together but almost with equal confidence know it would be difficult to separate but achievable.(there I go again with the defence mechanism) It would just be like spending your life savings on booking a flight to Paris for a holiday and ending up in Rotorua.....................not quite where you thought you would end up but you would make the most of it while you were there.
I came clean to my girlfriends this week and I know they are hurt I could not confide but as the friends they are they hide that and support me anyway. I just love them. My advice to you all out there that should you embark on the journey I have just got back from it is long and dark and you need a friend to hold your hand so please do not make the same mistake. Also do not be suprised that you are having huge almost unsolvable problems in paradise as it appears to be much like saggy boobs after breast feeding, a bit ugly but quite normal!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Cup Cake Lesson
A Good cake doth not always make a Good cup cake!I have learned this over the years and why oh why do I still have faith that all recipies will work?
This is Nigella's Clementine Cake, delightfully easy, normally lovely and both Dairy and Wheat free. What a winning cake. What a crap cup cake.
WHY?
Very solid mix and I had to cook the cupcakes for longer than normal which make the base over cooked and stuck.(perhaps you could bake in a bain marie to overcome)
The high moisture content completely ruined my beautiful paper cases and looked like I had soaked the vintage papers in a puddle. (eating them as soon as the were baked would help this one)
Itsy bitsy Cup Cakes
I made hundreds of these little fellows today. I think I can say I have finally cracked them! Filling up the little tiny cases can be touch and go at times and today I grabbed a funnel and a regular clean water bottle and filled it to the brim with cake batter, pit the lid on and then filled up my paper cases with ease and not a spill then popped the bottle back in the fidge between batches and as we speak there is a bottle of batter in my fridge left over to make in the next week with no hassle!
Also lets be honest about it, no matter how nice the cake mix is it is the icing I am interested in. I now put a couple of white choc chips in the batter so you have, squishy sponge, crunchy choc and creamy icing in every bite! Its good!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I blame the parents!
GEEZ, I had an absolutey shit weekend and in fact cried for most of it, for reason best unsaid BUT it is ok now and life goes on BUT do you want to know what really upset me the most?
My blooming unfeeling offsprings!
Here I was wanting comfort and tried to hide myself in the darkened bedroom, fully fetal position, with the hope I would be missed BUT On the few occasions my children bothered to come in the room they seemed not to notice my discomfort and only wanted feeding. To add further insult the only cuddle I could get was if I got between them and the TV so they could not see their programmes and they would snuggle in so they could look over my shoulder.
little buggers, just take my heart and use it for a potty while you are at it! Oi I gave birth to you blighters and someone mentioned something about unconditional love..........check your contract little ones and see how you go if I stop buying you favourite food and we do not have to have playhouse Disney................................oh I could never be so cruel
My blooming unfeeling offsprings!
Here I was wanting comfort and tried to hide myself in the darkened bedroom, fully fetal position, with the hope I would be missed BUT On the few occasions my children bothered to come in the room they seemed not to notice my discomfort and only wanted feeding. To add further insult the only cuddle I could get was if I got between them and the TV so they could not see their programmes and they would snuggle in so they could look over my shoulder.
little buggers, just take my heart and use it for a potty while you are at it! Oi I gave birth to you blighters and someone mentioned something about unconditional love..........check your contract little ones and see how you go if I stop buying you favourite food and we do not have to have playhouse Disney................................oh I could never be so cruel
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Year of the Cock beware!
Well is this not weird,
Chinese year of the Chicken........Bird Flu
Chinese year of the horse............equine flu shuts down Aussie
Chinese year of the pig...............swine flu!
Next year?
Chinese year of the Cock................perhaps Men's penis will fall off or all dickheads/jerks will come down with a disese, either way I am OK with it!
Chinese year of the Chicken........Bird Flu
Chinese year of the horse............equine flu shuts down Aussie
Chinese year of the pig...............swine flu!
Next year?
Chinese year of the Cock................perhaps Men's penis will fall off or all dickheads/jerks will come down with a disese, either way I am OK with it!
That's all folks
Well that is it! No more weekends away, No more nights without children and no more meals uninterrupted and every night doomed to being awoken by any number of childhood beasts, wet beds, snoz huffling husband and sick kids.
Feck, I may as well end it all now, what an existence! Geez I am so bored. Bored of being skint, bored of being a lard arse and bored of being a house bitch!
What to do, What to do, What to do, What to do, What to do said the penguins…………….blimey even when I am far removed from having motherly thoughts those blasted mind raping children stories and songs constantly blare on my subconscious.
Being Skint, not too much I can do about that. Resorting to making a game out of it and seeing “How low can I go!” it the groceries for the week. Even resorting to removing light bulbs from rooms with too many! Should I get a job? Even that poses a problem as Jobs are so hard to come by and I could end up stacking shelves in a supermarket……………………could my ego handle that? Do I have to re train? As much as I love working on the back of an Ambo and learning all I am learning but in all reality the hours are never going to be family friendly and the politics are quite frightening.
Being a Lard arse, On to it and currently into day three of healthy eating and I have purchase two fitness Mags and looking forward to starting a new fitness regime next week. I have asked for CH’s support on this one as he never worries about the extra ten kilos and certainly we lead each other astray more often that not with alcohol and bad food.
Being a house bitch, Simple it has too be done but hell I resent it, gosh it makes me so bitter and sucks all my sense of humour away. I just need to think about it differently. Before I thought of it as my duty or job and well that breed contempt so my new plan is to think of it as exercise and try to put the pride back. As when we moved from Pleasant Ville to this cold old skody house, things went a little down hill as no matter how many times you clean old surfaces they just look shite!
Feck, I may as well end it all now, what an existence! Geez I am so bored. Bored of being skint, bored of being a lard arse and bored of being a house bitch!
What to do, What to do, What to do, What to do, What to do said the penguins…………….blimey even when I am far removed from having motherly thoughts those blasted mind raping children stories and songs constantly blare on my subconscious.
Being Skint, not too much I can do about that. Resorting to making a game out of it and seeing “How low can I go!” it the groceries for the week. Even resorting to removing light bulbs from rooms with too many! Should I get a job? Even that poses a problem as Jobs are so hard to come by and I could end up stacking shelves in a supermarket……………………could my ego handle that? Do I have to re train? As much as I love working on the back of an Ambo and learning all I am learning but in all reality the hours are never going to be family friendly and the politics are quite frightening.
Being a Lard arse, On to it and currently into day three of healthy eating and I have purchase two fitness Mags and looking forward to starting a new fitness regime next week. I have asked for CH’s support on this one as he never worries about the extra ten kilos and certainly we lead each other astray more often that not with alcohol and bad food.
Being a house bitch, Simple it has too be done but hell I resent it, gosh it makes me so bitter and sucks all my sense of humour away. I just need to think about it differently. Before I thought of it as my duty or job and well that breed contempt so my new plan is to think of it as exercise and try to put the pride back. As when we moved from Pleasant Ville to this cold old skody house, things went a little down hill as no matter how many times you clean old surfaces they just look shite!
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Out of the mouth of babes
I have been nagging CH terribly of late, everything he does seems to wind me up and to add fuel to my fire look what happened last night.
Ella and Pop were playing Mummy's and Daddy's. Ella was the Mother and Pop was the Father. Ella of course was the one lugging all the babies and making all the decisions.
I asked Miss Ella, So what is it that Mummy's do? Ella replied with no hesitation "Oh they clean and do washing!" Hmmmn I said, still pissed with the fact I had been cleaning all day, feeling frazzled and then CH comes home and just has really happy giggling play time with my girls and they laughed more in five minutes with CH than with me all day........................sigh.
Then although I knew it a question doomed to make me feel shite, I asked Ella, So what is it Daddy's do? She just sighed and rolled her eyes , " oh you know they mostly watch rugby and drink beer!"
The lines of division drawn already.
Ella and Pop were playing Mummy's and Daddy's. Ella was the Mother and Pop was the Father. Ella of course was the one lugging all the babies and making all the decisions.
I asked Miss Ella, So what is it that Mummy's do? Ella replied with no hesitation "Oh they clean and do washing!" Hmmmn I said, still pissed with the fact I had been cleaning all day, feeling frazzled and then CH comes home and just has really happy giggling play time with my girls and they laughed more in five minutes with CH than with me all day........................sigh.
Then although I knew it a question doomed to make me feel shite, I asked Ella, So what is it Daddy's do? She just sighed and rolled her eyes , " oh you know they mostly watch rugby and drink beer!"
The lines of division drawn already.
I know, I know. I will not even bother to create some elaborate excuse for why I have not been here. It could of course be the fact I would have had nothing positive to say.
I came down with a sudden onset of melancholy about two weeks back and it still nags at me. Throughly disinterested in my homelife and began to eat packets of choc biccies like tic tacs. The scales reflect my gluttony....................hence the cackling scales broke when they FELL out of the window this morning.
It does seem to be catching however and I am surrounded by many brilliant woman from different backgrounds and even different circles of friends and many complain of the same thing at the moment. We all have great lives but feel shite! Perhaps enmasse winter blues? sounds plausible. We all are outdoor types and see the sun many times a day so it cannot be sunlight deprivation.
Anyhoo, I am off to Auckland this weekend for a girls weekend to say goodbye to one of my dearest friends who is off on a three year adventure gallavanting around the world. The horrible part was I have already said goodbye as I had a dream the other night when I said goodbye and I awoke a blubbering idiot...........................hopefully it will not be a re run. Big girls dont cry!
Upon my return I shall be back to fitness and no doubt I will bore you with the details then.
xxxxx
I came down with a sudden onset of melancholy about two weeks back and it still nags at me. Throughly disinterested in my homelife and began to eat packets of choc biccies like tic tacs. The scales reflect my gluttony....................hence the cackling scales broke when they FELL out of the window this morning.
It does seem to be catching however and I am surrounded by many brilliant woman from different backgrounds and even different circles of friends and many complain of the same thing at the moment. We all have great lives but feel shite! Perhaps enmasse winter blues? sounds plausible. We all are outdoor types and see the sun many times a day so it cannot be sunlight deprivation.
Anyhoo, I am off to Auckland this weekend for a girls weekend to say goodbye to one of my dearest friends who is off on a three year adventure gallavanting around the world. The horrible part was I have already said goodbye as I had a dream the other night when I said goodbye and I awoke a blubbering idiot...........................hopefully it will not be a re run. Big girls dont cry!
Upon my return I shall be back to fitness and no doubt I will bore you with the details then.
xxxxx
Blessed be the Mother's for within them we find strength
Quickest chocolate fix when the cupboards are bare!
5 Minute Chocolate cake in a mug!
4 Tablespoons Flour
4 Tablespoons Sugar
2 Tablespoons Cocoa
1 Egg
3 Tablespoons milk
3 Tablespoons Oil
3 Tablespoons Chocolate Chips
Small Splash Vanilla Essence
1 Large Coffee Cup
Add dry ingredients to mug, Mix Well
Add egg, Mix thoroughly
Pour in milk and oil, Mix well
Add chocolate chips and vanilla essence, Mix well
Microwave on high (1000 Watts) for 3 Mins
Cake may rise above mug – Don’t freak out
Allow to cool, tip into plate, Heap with icecream, cream or custard
Eat!!
5 Minute Chocolate cake in a mug!
4 Tablespoons Flour
4 Tablespoons Sugar
2 Tablespoons Cocoa
1 Egg
3 Tablespoons milk
3 Tablespoons Oil
3 Tablespoons Chocolate Chips
Small Splash Vanilla Essence
1 Large Coffee Cup
Add dry ingredients to mug, Mix Well
Add egg, Mix thoroughly
Pour in milk and oil, Mix well
Add chocolate chips and vanilla essence, Mix well
Microwave on high (1000 Watts) for 3 Mins
Cake may rise above mug – Don’t freak out
Allow to cool, tip into plate, Heap with icecream, cream or custard
Eat!!
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