Sunday, April 29, 2007

No more morning tv for me

I got a couple of comments last week about my weight. It is true I have lost a couple of pounds since I had that god awlful bug and I did do weight watchers for four days nearly a month ago. Then why do I denounce the fact and hush it up or mumble something incomprehensible and pretend to look at something very interesting under my fingernails. So perhaps I should learn to take the comments as how they were given as surely one of the reasons why you loose weight is so people notice.

It seems to have had the opposite effect and sent me ears pinned back, head first into the human equivelent of pigs swill. I want to loose the weight I really do, infact I was nearly suckered into a informercial about an exercise dvd called TURBO JAM! Perhaps it had something to do with JAM in the title. Damn your subliminal advertising and ab waggling ways.

So my exercise this week will be accepting compliments graciously. Well provided I actually do something worth complimenting. That in itself should be the exercise du jour. I need a token American friend for a week as they as a nation seem to excel in this area. Aussies, need not apply as the key word here team is 'Graciously'

Thursday, April 19, 2007


It is true what they say about hurting those we love the most. How to you stop?

I cannot believe how intolerant I am these days. I seem to be angry about everything. Poor Ella, yes, she is being naughty in places but there are also the times that she really does not mean to tip milo on the carpet three times in a row, in fact it is my fault for letting her have it in a cup. But still she gets the telling off and the classic 'BE CAREFUL' I am so sick of saying that and getting the tongue clicking Tsk Tsk parroted back at me!

There is a moment before I react to something she has done, it is crystal clear and if there was parenting Olympics I would win gold.................but most of the time that bubble bursts and I react with 70's classic parenting style, all yelling, angry, saying hurtful things like go away or even a smack on a well padded nappy.

The biggest thing that sends me over the edge is a habit Ella and most likely all children have of her age and that is repeatedly saying Mamma over and over the worst of it is that she continues until I hold eye contact and then two seconds later it is the same. All blooming day. My only respite is eating and TV.

I always feel so bad when I yell at her that I always try to make it up in some way for example when she got up I put the baby to sleep so I could spend some quality time with my eldest, except she had other ideas and wanted to whinge and do none of the things available.........makes me wish I had never made an effort, just continued with the housework and let her watch TV earlier. Essentially the same result except now not only to I feel a bad parent I feel a rejected parent as well.

I guess this is one of those learning curves and I know that when I am a worldly parent of teenagers I will look back at this and think water off a ducks back! I will get there.

Hey dummy

I do not want to put a curse upon myself, but it has been three days without a dummy and two nights of sleeping through! FECK YEAH. Too early to bask in my parenting glory, it could be a coincidence or the fact CH is not here????? I guess tonight will tell


Sisters everywhere, get upon your knees and raise your hands in the air and give me a huge HELL YEAH!
I have been having one of those 'woe is me weeks' these delicious modern miracles hauled me from the brink of despair and plunged me headfirst into a milo filled pool of gluttony.
Seriously ladies, bite the ends off and suck through milo goodness, not too much mind and you will have the most amazing rich and sticky scrummy hunk of love................
Bloody lovely, spend the fruit and vege buget on something nice for a change!

Wearing only a towel

I have just sat down. My shoulders with the ache of the week past, my head hurts and my nose is running and I have the shortest fuse known to man. Although I have just put my first born to bed I can still hear the constant bleat of MAMMA.....MAMMA...MAMMMA echoing around my head.

It has been a long week of solo parenting and thankfully CH gets home tonight. I knew the week was going to be a challenge but to be fair it had a cracker start. CH sent me off for a suprise massage as thanks for being my lovely self. I must admit to almost breaking out in hives at the thought of going 'oh my god, stranger rubbing me in oil, most likely the fattest and most hideous she has seen in her career............................shit must shave legs and underarms...............whoops I have not been drying between my toes properly and they are horrid, how embarrassing......TOENAILS or in my case claws.....' It really was fantastic and not the horrendous experience I was bracing myself for, the woman was lovely the place was serene and the massage was well worth it. I really want to go and take advantage of all else the have on offer, Indian head massage....I nearly go weak at the knees at the thought of that one. They use stones for one of the massages, I wonder if I bring my own do I get it cheaper?

Monday, April 16, 2007

Five Months today Pops!

Happy Birthday perhaps you can give Mama the birthday present and sleep through or just wake the once.............................................please
Currently waking every 15 - 30 mins at night. REALLY hard work. We have just about tried everything, now I have a new theory, could it be the Dummy's fault as she has no problems going to sleep but wakes when the dummy falls out.
Duc tape anybody?
Well today we are going cold turkey on the dummy and could be a hard couple of days but really they cannot be worse than the nights. Any hints and tips greatrefully received.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


This morning dawned to our trusty laboratory workers, fart, roll over and snuggle their heads further under duvets for a wee holiday. A 48 hour wee holiday in fact, for that is how long they are striking on our DHB because they want a 20% pay increase.

20% increase, who the hell are they kidding! It sounds so outlandish to me that they might have well asked for a 50% pay increase. Geez I would just like to get paid. For all I know they may only be getting minimum wage and a 20% rise may well be justified. I doubt this.

You callous wanking bastards, I well remember the last time those lazy shameful rash pricks held us to ransom. It was just before Christmas when my two week old baby was severely ill and airlifted to a Special Care Baby Unit. Without the lab tests our doctors had no idea and all they did was throw as many drugs at her as they could with the hope one would work. It was like throwing darts in a dark room full of kittens. Thankfully for me that nightmare ended but for how many unsuspecting others out there, is it just beginning.

Speaking of kittens, I do find it a little funny that our cherished government passed a law in which cats must be well fed and have shelter and warmth and trying to pass a anti smacking law, what about a ANTI STRIKE LAW ON ALL ESSENTIAL SERVICES TO FECKIN HEALTH LAW!

Radiographers are next. I am already panicking about the women who are pregnant and if something goes wrong during the strike time, what happens? I am grimacing, that has to be one of the worst feelings in the world, having problems antenatal and not knowing if the life you carry within you is there or gone. Look I do not really care about broken bones and things as there are drugs for that, how about put those empty time slots to good use and scan for any signs of a conscience.

I have mammoth loathing of being held to ransom. I recoil at the thought of giving into these people. We all should be responsible for the choices we make in life. If I wanted heaps of money I could have chosen a field in which had the capacity to earn it. Alternatively I would work really hard to be the top of the field and be well sought after. No point training to scoop ice cream and then complain about not getting chefs wages.

I guess the worst of it is, what if they actually got a pay rise of 20%, how long will it take for them to think, well that went well, shall we go another round. I guess you have to bank on them being fair and reasonable in the a 20% pay rise fair and reasonable now?

Giving these people a pay rise is REWARDING BAD BEHAVIOUR!

I hope and pray that all will be fine for the duration of the strikes. I fear that someone will have to die before this is stopped. I hope I am wrong

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Go stick a torch up your arse!

Now I mean that nicely.

A dear friend called me this weekend to ask for my worldly parenting advice. Unfortunately I still have my pull ups on and have much to learn. Her question was "How do you know if your child has worms" I really have no idea as that little bit of life's adventure is still one I am yet to experience. My only experience is with my cat and when she had a crap inside there were worms in it. So of course that was my answer. By this point I was on speaker phone talking to a rather jovial table of merry people. It came out that NO apparently there is better ways than sorting through you child's crap as the worms would only be there once you had wormed your darling. A more experienced parent at said table, lets call him 'Giggles' said what you really do is in the night, grab a torch, sneak into you childs bedroom and shine it up their ring piece!

Which begs the questions,

1.Is this true?
2.Was the Civic creche incident, only worm hunting?
3.Is that what "Giggles's" father used to tell his mother what he was doing?
4.Has conversation round the ole bar leaner got so poor that you are discussing worms and parasites(other that the ones sitting on the bar stools) Blooming heck I am glad I am married as that is just sad.

Happy Easter

What can be more lovely than being awoken by a snuffling and crunching toddler as she follows and eats her way through a trail of mini M&M's leading to huge exclamations over pictured choccie bunny.
Sharing chocolate for brekkie, definitely wondering if they are my children. Who shares chocolate?
It has been a wonderful weekend we really have not done much but that in itself has been the attraction.
I am thankful of the current Easter trading law for without that our weekend would have been completely different as it was Jason still ended up at work on Friday and Saturday. The shops were absolutely crazy on Thursday who would have thought that two days of no trading could create such panic. Quite pathetic really.
You should see my pantry as this weekend I bottled homemade spaghetti and every time I open the doors and catch site of my weekends work I am so proud. Did I also mention that we now have a chest freezer? So exciting, I can freeze all overflow of produce and buy in bulk. CH is a an even worse geek as his first reaction to us finally getting an ice box is getting excited about what containers we could buy to store things neatly in!!!!!!!!!!!
Currently in our freezer we have loads of fish and an almost complete wild pig. An amazing thing has happened of late, CH is starting to feel almost as passionate about producing our own food and gathering locally as I do. Finally years of ranting seems to be taking effect, either that or he has just lost the will to live. I have been growing my own vegies eight years now and still consider myself with much to learn. I have decided not to put a winter crop in this year as the soil is so bad and have chosen to spend the winter preparing the soil for next summer. Already I am excited about it and cannot wait until we have a property of our own. I will need ten freezers to cope.
This weekend Blenheim has been bombarded with the drone of many aircraft, to be honest I had seen the signs and heard the advertisements but really took no notice....yawn.
BUT something about the sheer mass of planes seems to awoken my inner trainspotter, squadrons of real and replica planes flying in formations of over twenty planes above you home is a sight and sound to behold. The noise was so powerful you felt it and even was a little terrified for the pilots(not to mention if one dropped on my little part of the world, yep there goes my anxiety). This was the type of event that would give aircraft enthusiasts a hard on for the entire weekend, lack of blood to the brain and mass fainting everywhere.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

On the fifth day she rose again

Tis true, yesterday was the first day in which I was able to get out of bed and actually leave the house. It has been close to an open sewer this week at our home as we all have been stuck down with the most violent ab wrenching vomiting and runny arse that I have ever experienced. Extremely contagious basically everyone we spoke to ended up with it, nasty stuff,

It has been my most religious easter preparation ever as the entire lead up was spent upon my knees, gripping the water cistern yelling oh god........OH GOD. Admittedly I wish I had been able to use that last phrase in a different manner.

Geez I must have been a wanker in a past life as it is Easter(my favourite holiday no less) and all I can bloody stomach is the plainest of mashed spud and almost stale bread.

On the upside I have lost a few Kg's of late but being an illness I will most likely find them again.

No more silly diets ladies, I have saved all my water bottle lids so just send $50 and a self addresed envelope to my address and you too will be pooing in no time.

'Thanks Jody, I feel like I have discovered the secret to life.........'

'Oh without Jody's help and letting me lick her lids all those donuts I was eating would have stayed in my body'