Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Spots, temps and grumpy children

Bullocks to it all, firstly we were going Chrismas shopping in Nelson, then being visited by friends and then I was off out and about to my first adult outing in a couple of weeks and it happened. The little buggers are already teaming up on me.

I first thought Poppy was unwell as I noticed she had Oral thrush and of course now so does the milk factory. Problem solved relatively easily as I had delt with such things before. Unfortunately it of course did not explain a general distaste for everything and a temperature.

Then all became clear when Ella developed a heck of a rash and looks to have been attacked by a red felt pen. A virus apparently and now we are on a 'No Play' with children zone. Does that go for me too? I could easily hide from children today.

Here is a lovley eyes open shot of Miss Pops, credit for the gorgeous picture goes to Myself for growing her so perfectly and to Delwyn who captured a quick moment of relaxation by the popster!

Shock horror, Pops may have an outie!!!!!!! Could this child do anymore to upset her father!

Oh bless she knows how to wind him up, oh she does take after me!

Monday, November 27, 2006

biltong anyone?

Oh lordy it is worse than I expected.

I have a child that sleeps little, shreds breasts with a single suck and of course is bringing up my blood WHICH IS JUST WRONG, I am wearing breast pads that when removed take half my nipple with them, stitches which have just gone from sitting on barb wire to itchy as all hell. Not to mention a complete befuddled brain that reigns supreme(which left CH's wallet on roof of car..................................and amazingly found by a friends husband!)

I have just come through four days of being abandoned by CH for a Irish rock band (I am still sulking) Thankfully my best friend came to my rescue and baby sat me for the weekend, seriously I could not have coped any other way. I am still knackered as hell as the demands of a toddler weigh heavily and there is no sneaky rest during the day. Speaking of said toddler, poor little bugger is not really handling the transition to a two children family very well at all. She has always sucked her blankey upon sleeping, but blankey is now a firm friend that hangs around all day.

I am having some issues myself as I am really dog tired and trying hard to keep things the same for her, but it will never be the same. I am feeling guilt. I am sure it will pass but when one is a little emotional things do appear worse than perhaps they are.

Tomorrow is a new day but I must get through the night. Poppy is being Poppy and doing what the heck she likes, who knows what new and interesting way to torture her mother she has been dreaming up.

I am still amazed at the difference between my girls, I have no idea what I expected but by gosh there is almost no similarities, she is her own girl and that cannot be disputed. She already has so much attitude and spunk you could almost swear she has been here before.

Yes I am in love once again and it is true what they say about love multiplying and not dividing. I am flirting with the idea of going to my normal Tuesday coffee group tomorrow, shock horror. I may not go as I have a very I bet you are glad I said baby as I have been so frank in this blog that who knows what other little ditties I was going to pull out that you did not need to know. Yes, Poppy is going though the rancid belly button stage and it is so bad it could clear the room, mind you I am sure if I hid a hunk of dead meat in my belly button for eleven days, things would be more than a little savoury, biltong anyone?

Friday, November 17, 2006

Just a quickie

Time is a wasting and I have a power of Ham, custard squares, camembert, blue vein, seafood and various other deli treats to eat my way through.

As most of you will already know,

Poppy Neave Joy Langdon
was born on Thursday November 16th, 8:18pm, weighing in at 8lbs6oz.

She finally made it and most reluctantly I might add. Rapt that she is here and feeding hellishly well(she is brutal!!) She is calling the shots already but of course we knew she had no intention of ever doing anything else. Not much hair to speak of, huge hands and feet(CH has a thing about women with big hands and feet) lovely small head(best pleased) I am well and still have a sense of humour although not willing to laugh at present(Go the salt baths) But let it be said, NEVER, Ever doing it again!!

Ella is being fantastic, a complete and utter star.

Thank you for all of the kind wishes and flowers we have received, I will get to you all in time.


Tuesday, November 14, 2006


I had great success on swaddling Ella and last week I was told by my mid wife swaddling was no longer endorsed due to a higher chance of cot death.

This really has pissed on my chips. Now we are damned if we do and damned if we dont.

What to do, what to do?

Are we there yet

7.42pm: After an afternoon of no contractions and a whining toddler I sought refuge with a rather lovely friend and regained some sanity. Well worth it.

Since then I have been working on a couple of wives tales to hopefully get things moving again, my last one was to eat a blow the roof off your mouth thai curry, smoke the bugger out. Thus far all that it has achieved is a hiccuping baby who may or may not have been shouting "Bring it on bitch, call that a curry, I have met sperm that have been hotter" as she stubs out a ciggarette on my cervix. Oh apparently it is not unusual to have a show weeks before delivery.......sigh

Round 176 to baby, Mummy 0

Ok child of mine, show some compassion and since you have been pissing about all day, hold off until tomorrow as it is your Nana's birthday and she will be chuffed.


Oh my friggin gosh, can this child do any more to upset the apple cart?

This morning 4am I had a show, 45mins later contractions where seven mins apart.
By ten thirty the buggers had stopped!!! Mo fo

Not best pleased.

Monday, November 13, 2006


Can anyone see any possible reason why my strongly anticipated baby, may indeed be staying in the plush accomodations she is currently used to?

Would you leave the house if that was waiting for you?

Monday Monday

Today is Monday.
Monday, baking day and the start of the working week, awfully close to fish and chip Friday......

Well the good news is baby has moved to nearly the right position, but knowing this child I really think she is most likely fecking with me, I bet she will come out with a huge grin, teeth and a tattoo.

Come Thursday 9am I am having something called a stretch and scrape. Personally I think they should some significant rebranding as that name does not exactly conjure images of happy times, perhaps, cervix massage and throw in a few scented candles and a box of choc......Marvelous, how do I book in?

I have been thinking this week that Ella is being amazing, and she really knows what babies are now. However this week everytime she dropped something or did something naughty she would say bubba. At first I thought it very advanced to already be placing blame upon a sibling that is not here yet.

Twas not bubba she was saying, Twas bugger! time to rethink the ole vocab.

Friday, November 10, 2006

The Elephantine Cometh

To your left you will see a rather lovely photo of the most happy wee girl and may I draw attention to the right and you will see my rather large protrusion.

Less than a week to go and I am really feeling it. Beneath the ocean of green lies the more stretch marks than skin it looks more like a reptilian pattern that skin stretched beyond recognition.

I have not cracked the tonne as of yet and am beginning to doubt that I will get there(thankfully) Mind you if my clubed feet continue to swell like Mitchelin Man I could be in with a chance.

It is weird and although I am feeling the weight of Pregnancy with every breath I really do not feel like I will have a baby soon. I guess I have finally got used to the bump and cannot imagine anything else.

I do remember once Ella was born a feeling of being alone and a little lost as although I could kiss and cuddle a real living baby, I missed having her in my tummy.

CH is still working all the hours god gives him and as you can imagine I am not best pleased. But you can hardly fault a fantastic work ethic and commitment to loyalty especially when it is a quality I tend to require in a person. But feck me me me me me, just for once.

Ok I am over it. It must be the vast amounts of delicious Raspberry leaf tea I am consuming chilling me out. Vile hateful stuff. I guess if I was a tea drinker the taste would be more palatable. Who knows if the tea does as it claims but I am willing to take the placebo effect, I will say this however, It has completely stopped my gums bleeding(yet another glam pregnancy issue....sigh) SO I do have hope.

Righto best go as I have to traul the internet for thoughtful unique presents........................!!!!!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


Why has my blog got this huge gap at the top? Any ideas?

Ahoy ya lard arsed scrubber!

To the best of my knowledge I have never been called a scrubber but I am fast discovering I make a darn good one. You are reading the blog of possibly the cleanest hand scrubbed floor in the land.

Once again my theory of procreation to be the vessel in which a bunch of marketing guys got together and oversold to women few things to make getting their wicked way heaps easier.
We are suckers.

Lie number 1.
Nine months Gestation, since when is fourty weeks nine months!

Lie number 2
Morning Sickness, surely this implies you should be sick in the morning, more accurately perhaps we should rename 24 hour, four month sickness. Not quite the easy sell now huh

Lie number 3.
Women are horny during the pregnancy. I have only met one ever.

Lie number 4.
Drinking harms your unborn child. Perhaps very true but now those marketing men have sober drivers and more beer money on tap so to speak.

Lie number 5.
All these foods like camembert, seafood, trifle, sushi, cream buns, cannot eat. All luxury yummy items destined to make wallets lighter and arses fatter. How convenient we cannot have them.

Lie number 6.
No hot baths or spas. Yep zero relaxing time

Look I could go on but here is a couple of last points

Scrubbing floors, upon hands and knees helps baby move!!!!! bastards just want the floor cleaned properly and have an excuse that it helps baby if we do it.

Exercises on hands and knees to help baby move, just last night CH said perhaps he could offer some assistance by standing behind me in such a position! and perhaps while he was there......

Sex brings on labour..........oh but it will help you out dear..........and it must be quick so not to take a chance on hurting baby.........for baby's sake of course.

Sunday, November 05, 2006


Cracker, marvelous, Corker, Ace, Terrific, Well done!

buggery crap filled fecking bullocks.

Ten days until my due date and the little bundle of joy has turned completely the wrong way, I guess who can blame the LITTLE CHERUB for being in the right position for some months now, it was bound to be a bit boring so adding yet another level of difficulty to the mix.

I have always said I have a real good take on the personality of our next wee baby, not much of it complimentary as I am well sure she has bags of personality and will be born knowing all the tricks rather than learning them. For most of the pregnancy I have predicted going overdue, going into labour when Jason is away and ending with an emergency C-section.

It is actually getting quite laughable now as we have climbed many obstacles on our journey to having this baby, luckily none of them life threatening but in essence none of them easy and without a word of a lie the longest nine months in my life. I am sure those who have been with me on this blog journey have sensed my frustrations, so very subtle of course....(still capable of self delusion)

It is still far from over and I know the road will have a few more bumps. I know the strain will be tough until we have sorted out just how to operate two children. I realise It will be tough on our marriage and friendship. I must remind myself to tell CH that regardless of what may or may not fall out of my mouth over the next couple of months, that I still love him.

Contrary to how pissed I am with this latest development, it matters none. I just cannot wait to welcome her into our family and I also cannot wait until I have been to the toilet the first time after labour. Who can forget that little experience.

So I am off to scrub the floor upon hands and knees to encourage baby to move the right way around. You gotta admit she has got some back bone pissing me off, oh well I am up for a challenge. So I shall sign off, 117cm girth and still in one piece.