I feel like such a selfish sad arse. I have finally reached the point where I no longer want to bitch and nag CH any longer. I am sick to my back teeth of always finding something to pick holes in or be simmering about. But how the feck do you let go?
At any one time I could right an A4 list of things that CH has done to piss me off of late. I detest feeling so friggin hard done by all the time it is so draining. The worst part is I have been having thoughts of late that it would be so much more easy without a significant other in my life as at present all CH provides is financial, I realy feel like I am going solo except instead of caring for one child and one on the way I feel like I am caring for two and one on the way.
Ever since my lovely child has been born I have been aware that to keep my sanity I need time off to be me. Every so often it comes to a head, I reach rock bottom rehash the same shit to CH, come out feeling better that things will change and guess what they don't.
CH is great do not get me wrong but I just want to feel respected and not someones dishpig as he so plainly put it 'it is my job' Be fucked, you can well imagine how I took that and how long I shall remind him of said quote.
But yes, it is my job. I do love being a mum it is the add ons I truly despise.
Women everywhere do this same job everyday and seem to do so without the slightest hint of resentment and worse they do it with ease and enjoyment, why am I wired so differently?
How will I cope with another child?? I am completely baffled to the logistics of such an operation. Although I am a god fearing type of gal I have not been a god worshipper since I gave up the idea of being a nun when I was 10. Now more that ever I wish I had my faith as I would pray for strength and perhaps be reassured that it may come to me.
For now I will just breathe
3 comments:
Don't worry, we all find them, ah, kind of irritating and useless.
At stitch and bitch the other night we were talking about polygamy (a la Big Love), and I pointed out that it only works because everyone is happy to have more wives, but nobody wants more husbands.
I don't know how it will pan out in your situation, but since I've had my second child I don't care as much what my husband thinks or does. I don't seem to need his affirmation of me so much. Blogging helps a lot!
What a long ramble.
Just remember, they are a pain in the arse, and you're not alone in thinking so.
I don't think you're wired differently at all, you're just honest - I couldn't agree with you more. Hope that breathing's working out for you!
Thanks Ladies, yes Martha blogging does help Shhhhhhhhhhhh or they might find a way to charge us therapy fees
Jillian, yes breathing works well as there is no news of disgruntled housewife going postal......yet
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