Monday, February 27, 2006

Off to Nelson

Its that time again I should be packing and sorting much out as we are leaving for Nelson on Wednesday night. I have much to do and I have decided to preserve things, messy, time consuming and did not need to be done. I am purely insane, why do I put such pressure on myself. Not to mention we are having a Birthday party for Ella and I should be making Eclairs and cakes and such like. I do this often and make things hard upon myself it is a disese, yesterday prime example I was mowing the lawns and the washing was dry so I should have removed it off the line to make mowing much easier, instead I decided it would be much more of a challenge if the washing was still there. Perhaps I need to work again.

Preserving Time

Here lies the barren wastes of my labour, this Triffid like tangle is all that remains of 10kgs of ripe tomatoes.

The fruits of my labour are large jars of homemade spaghetti and bottles of homemade tomato sauce. If you have not tried homemade spaghetti then you must still be eating the tinned crap with who knows what lives in that flavourless insipid sauce. I am not much of a fan at all of the bought stuff but the home made is fantastic and I encourage you all to make the most of all the sauce tomatoes around at the moment and make something that is not only tasty, cheap as chips and above all filled with real tomato goodness. Yes, it is work but it is so worth it.

I need not tell you how great my house is smelling at the moment.

Friday, February 24, 2006

The Ugly

As with all family occasions there has to be some events to keep people talking until the next family knees up. Normally it is CH disgracing himself in some showoff manner.

This year the highlights would include.

The dance off.
A huge dancing circle with everyone taking individual turns in the center to revive some eighties classics like, The lawnmower, the umpire, the basketball player and who could forget the fisherman reeling in his bride. As I was sober I could only look on with wonder.

Rhys, CH's younger brother doing a nude streak at the after match function and the only way I knew it was him as people thought he was still wearing a vest(he is very hairy) This is the same fellow who helped CH light the fireworks at the end of the evening and then proceeded to kick them over so they went of in the direction of CH! All the guests had to run for cover. Kids were crying!

Hoover, CH's father who supposedly got that nickname in his youth as he always picked up bits of fluff! Yawn. We normally have a sweepstake running to when he will hit the ground, first one being when he ran into a shut glass door. Not pretty and I think it dislodged a few screws as later in the evening he was found to be painting the wall in the hall. Some would say dedicated to be working on his day off except it was imaginary paint and imaginary roller the funny part was he actually tripped over on an imaginary paint tray and landed on his back. Bloody funny.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

The Bad

Imagine my surprise to be sharing a plate of petit fours with Good old Great Aunty Gwenda. No I do not mean the surprise of me sharing a plate of puddings but to be sharing it with a dear old lady whom I had just met. Little did I know she is beelzebub.

I had been enlisted by the family to keep the dear old soul under control as she has a wee problem with the drink on the account of it being likely to kill her and she was not going to disgrace herself on my watch. Of course she was allowed a small tipple and who was I to begrudge a seventy year old, man the family must be uptight what could she possibly do?

Well there I sat laughing and chatting with this lady who was a wealth of knowlege and then it happened.

She started off by saying how wrong her sister is.(Ella's great grandmother) Hey no arguments from me over that one. Then she launched into how lovely Ella is all rounded cheeks of squishy goodness. Yep, no disputing that. Then she mentioned how it is not Ella's fault she was not as pretty as the other grandchildren and she could never compete for affection but it was ok because Great old Aunty Gwenda still loved her!

It was at that point I stopped drinking as the urge for jollification had waned and all I could think about was at least seven ways I could quickly shut the raving bitch up. The cake fork was looking very appealing.

As you could imagine I was seething and still could not really believe what this walking relic bathed in April Violets was saying. I was dumbfounded. I had enough senses to quickly gather two bottles of wine, opened them and left her to it.

I have no idea whether she was lying and just trying to sew her sister up. I have gathered that this could be the case but she seemed so nice. On the day we left went to see Ella's great grandmother to say goodbye as it was only the second time she had seen Ella she promptly asked where the baby was as she wanted to take the baby to meet her neighbour. Cool I have no problems with that, all nana's want to show off their family. But as it turns out she was not meaning Ella but was talking about her cousin. At this stage I was very sensitive.

The Good

As you all know I have just gotten back from a wee holiday in Wellington and it was fantastic. I adore our capitol city and would live there in a heartbeat. The weather was amazing, the wedding was wonderful and I must say how beautiful women look on their wedding day. I of course was completely paled in comparison to my cherub in pink, she really did look lovely.

We stayed out in Trentham as the wedding was at the raceway but the great thing about that was I got to ride the train. Oh this just reeks of hick behaviour but as Christchurch has no such transport I was like a kid in a candy shop finding my way around. The best part was catching up with a friend I have not laid eyes on in nearly seven years! She was amazing, unchanged and to be more accurate she was just so darn cool. It was then I realised just how fifties houswifeish I have become. Oh well my choice but I have so much more to give. Hold on while I write a note on my high prority thngs to do list on the fridge. ' Must find a new creative outlet other than pickles'

I adore Wellington center and managed to not even to glance at my favourite stores, oh the pain. Damn you to hell Zambesie, tempting me with your small deposit on a house type price tags. It is such a cross to bear having champagne taste on a raro buget.

Why why why

Friday Night Football

I remember a time when I would willingly watch Rugby every Friday and Saturday evening. I would even look forward to the super 12, the 'Caines and anyone playing the Crusaders were my team. It was all great fun and a really good time for CH as he is obsessed with the game and as it turned out I have a good eye for the game.

Not anymore. I really no longer care, how odd.

I just cannot be bothered with things that I really do not want to do. Could this just be because by the end of the day of being a mum I have used up all my daily patience and good humour allowance? If thats the case CH has a bum deal.

Mind you it could be said that I am slightly bitter and twisted and harbouring naughty thoughts on CH's treatment of our trip to the Louvre. At the time when he stood around, arms crossed like a naughty bored child with his lip dragging on the well trodden parisienne floor. I do remember bullocking him and saying something along the lines of myself never ever paying any heed to any of his hobbies or interests ever again.

Perhaps this is me sticking to my word.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

So little time

At this very moment I should have my sleeves well and truly rolled up packing for our weekend in Wellington. Unfortunately I was given a ipod that is not an ipod thingy for my birthday and I cannot leave it alone. It takes forever to rip cds so this is one of those in between times.

Had I blogged an hour earlier the content would have been filled with shocking language and just what orrifice you could stick your Samsung YH-J70. I even rean the manual! and still none the wiser.

I ended up calling a help line and the lovely chap on the end of the phone was very helpful, to start he kept going on about a Yipp?? Which of course I ignored and thought he was just saying Yep alot but as it turns out Yipp is some sort of cool acronym to rival the recognition of the ipod.

I am not sure if it will catch on quite as much.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Raylene & Jezebel's Dungeon Sex Games

Catchy title huh, well I hope so as tomorrow is of course Valentines day and being of sound mind and romance incarnate, off I went to the local supplier of dirty magazines and purchased one with that title.

Seems quite good, certainly made me feel a but funny, but who knows just how the male mind works. How do I know what he will find attractive. Of course it would be women in my likeness, stretch marked boobs, pock marked arse, wheel chair support love handles all with a bikini line that needs some serious attention. Hmmn attractive, I cannot imagine why I am not gracing the cover of Foxy myself.

I imagine it would be like sending CH out to by lipstick for me 'Coral blush'!!??? With no sunscreen or moisturisers what were you thinking!!!!

Poor CH I do not think he has ever bought himself any pornography. Mostly his 'Stash' looks like he stole it from his Dad in the eighties. I guess you could call him a little prudish or one that embarresses easily but the naughty over 18 room at the local video easy will never be frequented by his lovely self. Because who knows who he might bump into on the way out!!!

I realise it may not be the most romatic gift but likely it is something he will get the best use out of as long as I know nothing about that side of things. On that note I guess what father actually has time to themselves. On the times CH is home I am almost always there so do they masterbate? DO they long for a little quality time to throw themselves around the room a bit. I have actually never asked, mind you I do not want to know either. I still consider some things private.

Did I just buy a dirty mag because it is what television has taught me about the needs of a man perhaps I should ask. Perhaps the old 'roughing up the suspect' is more a single fellows thing. Or a fellow who is getting none. Who knows I am not privvy to what is said around the beer cooler.

Oh I did actually make something for him, I made a faux ostrich skin remote holder for the couch. My second ever thing I have made on the sewing machine. It went well, not great but more than I expected from a girl that has no idea when it comes to sewing.

I am not normally into Valentines day but I guess it is just another day I have to shower CH in pressies he does not expect.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

House detention

I am contemplating commiting some sort of devilish crime to get myself on home detention. Currently I will most likely blame the high pitched whine coming from our three year old fridge as being the thing to put me completely over the edge. Seriously this screech is fast becoming a consant reminder of how little things can really crawl up my arse and explode.....

Anyhoo my reasons behind the home detention idea, is I find it physically impossible to go out and not spend money. Today I went out for ribbon, mushrooms and pastry. I ended up with Burger King, four types of ribbon, cellotape, hooks and eyes, a childrens book, three types of elastic, cotton and $30 worth of groceries. Yep a quick hundy is not a problem for this no income housewife. I was asked to watch the finances this week in preperation for our Welli trip. I am going to get bullocked. Best I cook a nice dinner and put on a bit of lippy and get ready for a good snogging. Things I have to do.

Can you hear that figgin fridge? It is like nails on a blackboard laughing at me. This is a sit in. Me verses the fridge. Just how long can I put up with the Ininite screech before I call a money sucking fridge fixer fellow. Feck. Three years old. Wankers. On this occaision we did not take advantage of the 'No Worries' five year guarantee. Bugger.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

This week I will mostly be eating Snicker sandwiches

As luck would have it, this week coincides with my child acting like Rosemary's Baby and my need for a pair of togs. On monday I had an attempt to procure some swimmers as luck would have it, it sale time so all swimwear has prices slashed. This is great if you are a size 8 or 16+.

I have lost a couple of kilos of late so I was feeling fairly ok about things if I ignored the area between my calves to just below my boobs.

The sad part is that the size 16 fitted well. So with screaming child in tow, shockingly well lit changing cubicles and realisation of the earlier sentence. I left. With no purchases.

Today I will make a return. Really looking forward to it.


It is sad but I have found something else to fill the void. What can I say it is love. All consuming visual entertainment. I am weak and TV networks are my pushers. I can hardly bear it but for the love of god do not call my place after 8.30pm. The bastards have got me hooked five nights a week. All of my favourite mind numbing tele pleasures have forced on me at once.

Desperate Housewives, Greys Anatomy, House, Boston legal, Lost, Invasion, Commander and Chief and Medium...................and I am spent

I am aware this is not the most healthy way to spend my time but gosh I do love it. What could be better cuddling up with CH on the couch, getting my hair rubbed, nibbling on chocolate or spliting a bottle of wine and watching good programmes.