Photo update

I have been so crap at updating you all on photos lately, here is Ella and her fella Tom(sadly ditched her and went down south) I miss you Sharyn! Here is Pops, 14 weeks old and still rules the roost and forever smiling as long as you do what she wants of course.

It is often said, 'If you have nothing nice to say then perhaps you are best saying nothing at all'

Hence the lack of blogs.

The story so far, as I am sure you are more than well aware our first potential section buying experience was not the best. We moved on and found a fantastic new section.

A large section with all amentities all on site!
YAY!

Not in a sub division so no restrictions!
YAY!

Someone else put in an offer before us,
BOO...............

The other offer expired and we were free to make an offer!
YAY!

Made an offer and had the nod and a wink of being successful!
YOU LITTLE RIPPER!
(Already had everything laid out in my head)

Found out why the previous offer fell over, Resource consent had just been given for transient accomodation directly behind and a backpackers next door. You fuckers.

We have withdrawn our offer.

I am not sure if it has been the stress of this or what it is but I have had the worst time of it in the last week or two and just feel dog tired most of the time. Ella has been somewhat trying and I have had much time being a solo parent of late and cannot say I enjoy it. Although there are some big advantages. Upon reflection I cannot even say that CH does much in the child rearing stakes for the hour that he sees his off spring, so what is it that can make solo parenting hard?
I suspect that it is not so much the help he gives me but the opportunity for me to yell and exspress some of the days frustrations at someone else other than my terrific toddler. Poor bastard. Would you want to come home to that?

I am getting my hair cut next Thursday, most excited. Although there is a slim chance of not actually having any hair by then. My hair is falling out horricfically. It happened with Ella at the twelve week mark and once I hit that point this time around, with no hair falling out I was rapt.
How silly of me to believe MY memory, I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday and there I was taking a date from my own head as gospel. Sigh It is so bad that the floor is covered with hair, every where. To wash my hair actually makes me cry as it is hand full after handful that I need to clear the plug hole a couple of times over with each shower. Last time as if to rub deep heat right into my arse crack the hair grew back grey........................at least it grew back I suppose.

I was supposed to have been dieting and exercising for the last month so I could wear some old clothes..........................ahhh no. In fact I have put weight on as when I feel hard done by I just have to eat crap and oh my god have you had a Kit Kat cookie dough flavour? Oh My god, they are rocking my world, go on treat yourself today.

What to do, I have so much grey and fortnightly hair dying is not an option as bi-annually is much more accurate. I actually have a wish to shave it all off and start again with a blank canvas only I am not a Britney and would look far too butch and would most likely send me right to the looney bin.

You Pricks

Although I would be lying if I said I was gutted about not obtaining the section in Seddon, but I still hate being screwed.

Here is the short version of the story. We rang Summit Realestate and were told about a section in our price range in Seddon. The flyer said 110'ooo. Although at the top of our buget(as it had no services) we offered 95. The vendor declined, which is fine so we offered 100. The vendor hung up on the Realestate agent. Rude but fine. We then increased our offer to 105, the bastard was no where to be found. We had just given up hope when CH rang the agent and said what the hell was the story. The agent then said that the vendor really wanted 110 and would sell at that. Fine 110 but that is it. A couple more days of silence and then the vendor comes back with 125'000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Mutha fecker, All I can say is you Wellington underhanded arsewipe.

Man it pisses me off as we were within reach of our dream for our family only to have some fellow piss all over the carrot we were chasing, thank you very much you utter utter cock.

Seddon

Further to the late breaking news I shared with you earlier, absolutely nothing positive has happened.

We had our first offer declined so we put in another offer and the vendor seems to have fallen off the edge of the world. Marvellous.

Not saying anymore as this is mostly a family blog.

Tea for two

Why is it when you seem to be already drowning in the events of the day, you go ahead and throw a little something something to ensure your stress headaches keeps on throbbing.

Today was spent going to a new playgroup, grocery shopping, washing, handmaking chocolates, Florentines and my gooey lemon square(which I completely fucked, using cornflour instead of icing sugar)

To top off my day I had an amazing idea of having a special meal with my nearly two year old daughter. I fully set the table, put out a small lovely home cooked buffet, three dishes, big girl cups and set up the chair so Ella could be a big girl and not in her high chair.

What the hell was I thinking.

I never should have done it. Already prior to dinner I was considering hiding in the corner rocking and sucking my sleeve. Today was the first time I understood what experienced battle weary parents mean when they say that one day you will wish your child could not talk. Constant tinfoil chewing gabble, the same crap over and over and over with a reaccuring theme of NO no NO no NO NO NO NO NO no

I guess I had a vision and wanted to share a lovely moment with my eldest and had fully convinced myself that because I had gone to so much effort, Ella would all of a sudden hold a conversation, eat like a well mannered child and I would be basking in my good parenting glory.

Reality was…… big girl cup poured over the table and dishes, food flung from table top to chair leg, tanties galore, food not tasting good unless it was off my plate and even then refusing to eat a meal most adults would kill for. Whilst yelling Dadda, Dadda !.............................................friggin Dadda, Dadda is away and it is the first time I have been left to wrangle these two by myself for a long period of time.

Duelling Banjo's

I think perhaps I am an arse chaser.

No, not the kind I am in my wildest dreams…….(excuse me while I day dream for a moment…..........right to continue) but the kind that is always busy, several projects on the go and of course all with scary nigh on impossible time frames. PANIC, pressure galore all with no end in sight, as I keep bringing this shit upon myself.

Yes, this is a constant theme that seems to fall out of CH’s mouth on a regular basis but to be geeky and honest I take so much joy in doing things for others that is quite unexpected. I am THAT person who gets pissed off when the motorist driving in front of me is courteous and has the foresight to let another car in the traffic flow. Prick! I wanted to be that person!

Anyhoo as usual this week I have a foot long list of things to achieve and to spice things up a little we just put an offer on a section in Seddon.

SON of a BISCUIT!!! We have done it again, accidentally had a spare moment, run out and done something stupid. Man, a day off with us is more akin to watching Crack Whores loot a pharmacy, very relaxing. It gets worse the bank would not lend us the desired amount so we will have to sell our home in Christchurch and to place us further on the shit house slide, we have come up with an idea to relocate a house that needs much work. Oh yes this should work as we are so very practical…………I am giggling hysterically.

Seddon, of all the imagined shit house places this could almost take the cake. About twenty minutes from Blenheim but has larger sections, affordable to young one income families like ourselves. If we do this right we will be that much closer to our lifestyle dream, fingers crossed. Sadly, I can barely acknowledge the fact we will be losing our home, I am actually quite emotional about it and am feeling a great sense of loss. I guess I will process that over the next few weeks…..you lucky readers.

Now I do apologise for lack of blogs as we have not had Norton's. We now do hence the blog BUT I also am very busy over the next week or two so expect the same timeframes between entries.

Situations Vacant

I have always been of the opinion that people tend to come and go from your life as needed. My transition into the weird and wonderful world of Beaver Town was made so much easier by my trusty shazza(No I have not turned carpet muncher, Blenheim really used to be called Beaver Town)

As with all good things they must end sometime. Shazza and her family have decided to move to Ashburton and that is punishment enough. No I am not being Mrs Venom mouth as I have lived there and do know a thing or two about the place. In fact my family still live there(even more motavation to never buy Realestate). Besides there are no better reasons to move than the reasons why she is doing it, and it simply cannot be easy to leave someone as witty and beautiful as myself.

Mind you things have possibly moved on since I was a lusty teenager in Ash Vegus when the pickings for fellows with a job with no obvious retardation and their own teeth were slim. But on the plus side they all had their own white freezing work gumboots. Swings and roundabouts I guess.

This aside, I need a new person at the top of my Beaver Town speedial list. Applications are being taken now. Various pre-requisites involving simple confectionery making skills, a pop quiz on historical and current TV hotties, general affliation to The Food and Living network, to be motavational and inspiring on exercise, being on the bones of ones arse with kids would help, but absolutely no bones of the arse to be seen as a love of food is all important. However I am an equal opportunity employer and I am prepared to look outside the square and perhaps I could grow to like soy. Unfortunately seed and lettuce eating, Ace of Base listening and Yackity Yack ME me's need not apply as you are not right for this band.

Monday, baking day

If you looked up the word Maternal today I am sure the explanation would be along the lines of,

Maternal-Not Jody.

Yes, the big Ella homecoming has not completely gone to plan as someone replaced our angelic cherub with a....lets choose my words carefully here................WANKER.......ummm....yep that just about covers it.

Seriously this screaming, head rotating, snot filled hitting demon and I did not get off to the best start this morning. In fact when CH rang earlier to ask how our day was going going her asked where was I as my voice was echoing. I told him I had locked me, myself and I into the bathroom. He laughed and said "That would be funny" and yes it would be if it was not true.

I blame me knickers. Seriously, undies are the foundation of your day and mine are riding to places best not spoken of. The real problem is that it has been ongoing, days of uncomfortable panties and much backing into corners and quickly wretching your G-String like full bloomers from your builders crack. In fact if you looked into those who have gone completely postal over the years, was the question ever asked "Are you having a good knicker day?" lets stop further crimes and lobby your local MP to bring in legislation to outlaw cheap undies and put an expiry date on all undergarmets. Good quality briefs for everyone!

Have all my knicker elastic failed at the same time? Or perhaps.....no I cannot even utter this thought for the fear of it not being true...........................Did those two nights of aquacise classes, shrink my rear end? Geez if this is how it should be I would surely exercise more often. Sadly I guess it is just the elastic.

However today does start the eating better routine. Not dieting as that is really not me but I wish to eat a lot less crap, no more icecream with all the trimmings every night or nailing a couple boxes of choccies a week and not completely eating all my own baking. Team that with eating the odd bit of fruit and vege and drinking a bit more water, I will be full of energy in no time.

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

What a start to the morning.

I woke up and looked at the time and it was 8.20!!! feck I slept in, whay had Jason not woken me? was he late for work or just left Ella in front of the telly.........................I sprinted out of bed wearing only pillow marks and a line of sleep drool, bowled open the lounge door and expected to see Ella in her usual eyes glued to the TV state. But no. The house was indeed quiet and obviously empty?

It was then it really dawned on me. What a dick I am. Ella went to stay with her Nana yesterday. I have only Poppy to look after and Oh my god, what a blooming holiday it is and how Poppy really is a different baby when I get to spend lots of time with her. I have now firmly decided to look into some form of day care for Ella to go to so I can give Poppy my best rather than a little something left over.

Today being Thursday it also means Aqua exercise day, yes ladies I will be squeezing into my swimsuit and strutting myself down at the pool. I went on Tuesday and had a great time, giggling my arse off rather than working it off.

Strange things happen to a womens body when she has a baby, some things quite unspeakable BUT funny none the less. Of course you expect some alterations to the architecture of your girly bits, I should ask CH really as he had front row tickets to that blood bath. It is also expected that it is not only your abdominal muscles that have loosened up somewhat, but imagine my suprise that with first underwater lunge I felt like I swallowed a gallon of water and no, not with my mouth! It get worse, tremendous air bubbles that I assure you were not wind that came from that region and it does not stop there, upon getting out of the pool as I walked over to the changing rooms, that gallon released itself(now at body temperature) lovely.

NB: Remember to do your pelvic floors lifts.

God bless Mothers

Forgive me. I really do apologise for my lack of blogging. I have no idea where time has gone except I tomorrow when I wake, Poppy will be nine weeks old. How????

I am still tired(no surprise) I still have the odd bad day but essentially I am having a ball. Poppy is sleeping sometime for five hours at night. CH is now starting to realise she is the seed from his loins and worth more than just the occasional glance. A mother's love is truly unconditional but it seem a father's love has a few conditions.

1. Baby must not cry when fed, warm and dry
2. Baby must sleep all night with no grunting
3. Baby body fluids must stay contained in unit or within nappy boundry

His tolerence with Pops was wafer thin but now as Poppy will smile, gurgle and laugh at him both his love and tolerence have bloomed. I am much happier.

In my travels I have spoken with several other women in a similar position to myself and it is suprising how we are all going through very similar issues. At one stage I thought I was perhaps married to a monster and how could he not like his daughter, I was disgusted. To discover that I was not alone and in large company in this was somewhat reassuring but frightful at the same time. I have many memories of conversations over my life right from childhood of women saying things along the lines of babies being boring and how men are not really interested until the child is more interactive. I never had a second thought about it. I now know what they really meant, it is automatic for me to think terrible thoughts about these men as imagine how the world would be if most women put their child into the "too hard bin" Some days are hard but we have no choice other than to cope or just to continue. However essentially I have gotten over it and no longer resent CH and take him for what he is in the present not for failures from the past. Is this nature? Is this how we were supposed to be? Is this why this unforgiveable behaviour is easily forgiven?

Cunning bastard number four

Another effing whitetail.

Ella is bug or as she says "Gug" obsessed, could this be the universe helping her out and keeping her entertained?

This four legged foe was caught on my bed late last night. I am a geek and instead of a pocket protecter I have my trusty book light. The only reason I even saw bugger was I was a little freaked out after watching that pathetic Haunted house programme and had to read.

Are white tails the naughty and nasty spiders we are lead to believe? I am a little confused as I am aware that with the arrival of babies my anxiety levels rocketed. Once this carefree girl could go mall shopping all day, ride esculators willy nilly, eat at food courts and push shopping trolleys around and stop for a little tasting on the way around the store.

Now................the thought of touching esculator rails, eftpos pin pads, trolley handles, public toilet taps and doors, then touching my children or eating without washing my hands makes my skin crawl. This is just one of my little idioscracies that arrived with my children.

If I stop to think about the first time we ever got our house sprayed for whitetails, it was within weeks of having our first child. I do not know what we expect the spiders to do but it must be along the lines of peeling our childrens skin off then burning their exposed flesh with ciggarettes as we are that scared of them. I remember when we did get our house sprayed and the chap with the mask and spray gun asked how many spiders we had seen and then rounded the conversation with reassuring comments of "Yes you have done the right thing, no point taking a risk with babies in the house, safe that sorry" blaaaa blaaaa Thus the guilt seed was sown.

I really do dislike spiders. We found our first whitetail a couple of weeks ago, since then I have let the daddy long legs live in our nooks and crannies as I was once that whitetails ate other spiders so if you had other spiders then you did not have whitetails. Bullocks. Over those weeks where I 'live and let live' they multiplied and there was a spider residing in every corner and when those spiders started fighting and eating each other I decided enough was enough and promptly made it CH's responsibility to get rid (Although I do not like them I still cannot knowingly kill them!) Besides what is the point of having a man if he cannot come to your rescue every now and again.

Anywhoo the point that I am making, are the white tails as horrid as I think or is it a simple matter of letting my over zealous parenting anxiety skills get away on me or could it be a league of pest control agents spreading vicious rumours, fear and noxious gases to ensure a good little earner? Who knows.

I'm Baaaaaaaaack

Yes, the photo's are sideways, but for the love of god is anyone else having issues with blogging?
I have tried several times over the last week or so to bore you with my ramblings and I go to Publish and the bastard kicks me off or just refuses to load.

Here is my two girls Poppy is now nine weeks old and smiling and giggling whilist Ella is....well you can see.

It really is 2007

Further to my self reflecton I have a few more little things in my life I would like to ad to my New Years list.

#4
Slow down and take the time to love my family and kiss my husband more often as once he was my everything.

#5
Still have my dream of having our own home with land here in blenheim BUT put it in the back of my mind for use on another day. I can help myself by not looking at homes for sale or realestate windows and ceasing to flick through property for sale publications

#6
Become more physically strong and able, not for weight loss although that would rock but for health, to be able to kick a ball around and not struggle and protect my children should I need to. I realises this week if I was caught in water with my girls I am not strong enough to save them. This need to change.

#7
Pat the cat or at the very least talk to her as I am so busy all I seem to do is kick her out of the way when I am telling her to feck off.

#8
Do things just for me, I am not sure what yet but some time that is mine and mine alone.

#9
Contrary to my opinion not everyone is as pro active and gives as much thought into situations as I do. If I want something done perhaps I should ask for it, rather than stewing.

Nope nine is just fine.

Happy six week Birthday Pops, you look so old already.

Resolutions

Yes ladies, tis the season for self delusion. Today I am going to give some thought into things I can improve or change in my life. Today I am feeling quietly confident I can achieve anything I want.

Each day from now on until around January 2nd that confidence will slowly be pissed into the wind until I convince myself that New Years Resolutions are bullocks. Perhaps that is even true BUT for me is is mostly a cover for my lackings in the ole will power department.

I had a wee look at last years resolutions. It was something along the line of trying to stress less over imaginings. Sounds lovely, even poetic............but gobshite.

Ok back to the plan.

2007
#1
Take the time to make my daughter laugh every day and although I am busy to ensure things at the business end like changing nappies are taken slowly and not rushed as the ambition is to make as much quality time as possible.

#2
Once a month to have a family day where no housework is to be done or no jobs on a list to be ticked off and the day is to be spent with just us four relaxing and enjoying each other.

#3
To put less focus on food as our love of good food is sending us to the poor house and really I have to think of eating as a fuel and not a all day party.

More later

A snoozeing sleepy slumber

Oh yes my lids are getting that pleasant heavy glazed feeling even as I type that title. I cannot even say I dream of sleep as that would imply that I was actually getting some.

Well no that is not strictly true as I have been having some fantastic sleeps, one of six hours on the night before Christmas eve. I am just exausted from Christmas and visitors.

However our Christmas was fantastic and this year I was on pudding duty so I made the best trifle I have ever made, a huge pav and huge chunky fresh fruit salad with four types of truffles, the White chocolate and Raspberry went down the best.

The main meal was also outstanding with undoubtedly the best Turkey I have ever eaten it was superb and I do not even like Turkey. Ella and Poppy where absolutely spoiled, it is odd but it was almost distasteful the amount of presents and I am struggling a little. Most upsetting was the speed inwhich people helped open the presents for the girls and I have no idea who gave what or who to thank, which just does my head in.

Today is the first day in six weeks that I will be having no visitors and no extra jobs to be done and I am truly thankful.

As Emeril says BAM, lets kick it up a notch.

CH has just come down with the dreaded lurgie...................my life is over

Who would have thought, it does get worse! This is the most disgusting bug I have had in quite sometime, to add further insult it makes you burp sulphur, rotten eggs and lots of them. Farting out ones mouth may be indeed a great party trick, if only I was a bloke to take full advantage of the situation. There is a upside I just lost 4kgs in 24 hours. If only it would stay off.

Today is a good day, I no longer feel like dying and I almost feel stong enough to tackle something other than dry toast. Ella is fine but Poppy is a little off and thankfully CH is well.

Ho Ho Ho bloody ha ha

It is times that like that I know there is a god because friends come bearing a gift of a nine pack of Jumbo triple chocolate Cookies to provide sustanance during a trying time. It is those biccies that have provided lunch and sanity over the last couple of days.

I also know there is a god who is having a laugh, no I am not being so petty to name names or denominations, but you know who you are. I must say you are one funny fecker and I bet you are just gonna keep hitting me with that funny stick until your godly arms tire. Due to my sense of humour and laughs I have had over the years it was to be expected and yes all I can do is scoff in the face of normality.

I am reminded of that wise old adage 'The more you prune a fruit tree the sweeter fruit in bears'
At what point is does a burn off considered a "prunning" or is it pruneing, prunening????

What's worse, having chronic runny arse with haemorroids and looking after a family OR being dog tired having a new baby and toddler with vomiting and runny arse, no beds to sleep in as soiled with said runny arse, CH's vomit on floor as he could not deal with the afore mentioned RUNNY ARSE. Bless his soggy socks he did try before he went to work.

Oh my god, the house is a fright, my children smell REALLY bad, I keep smelling mystery poo on myselF, Christmas is still not organised and one of my cherubs has just lost her bowels AGAIN. Can we do Christmas at some other time?

Ahh by the look of it, it is another one for the shower, In fact before the end of the day I may just have to leave them in a empty bath for we will run out of clothes/hot water/sanity.

No Woman, No Pride

From the beginning of time women have been fought over, lives made and lost over the procurement of such a precious commodity and generally we have credited with the start of many a war and battle. In life we are amazing in so many many ways and if we are lucky enough to have women in our lives to share kinship, our lives are rich indeed.

No, I am not considering going and playing in the all girls sandpit, I just feel lucky at present to have so many lovely people in my life. If you can measure and judge yourself against whom you have around you then I must be doing something right.

Is it not amazing how your life changes in so many way and as you go along people come and go as you need them. At present I have had some challenges and have been amazed and all the help I have around and even more gobsmacking I do not even need to ask as it is just given.

For example this weekend was the Plunket Christmas Party and it was a successful mission to get there only half and hour late BUT with home baking, children fed and dressed and full of the Christmas spirit. I admit I was sturggling with juggling being social and looking after my girls as I was feeding Poppy, Ella would be off with one of the other Mums who would take care of her so naturally. During feeding Poppy, I managed to not only spray my child with breast milk, saturate myself with the stuff all without anything to mop it up, others come to my rescue. At another stage Poppy was crying, Ella was terrified of Santa and loosing it completely, other Mums took Poppy(who was also in need of a change) so I could comfort Ella. The most giving thing was one of the mums whom took Poppy lost the opportunity to get a photo of her son with santa due to looking after my child.

From the very moment I started this journey of motherhood my life has been dotted with the most wonderful women and friendships. It is almost like I have secured a life long membership to the most exclusive club in the world. Mind you, membership fees are high, but to have two such beautiful children it is a small price to pay.

I only hope I too can return the favour and be there for some of these wonderful women in there time of need.