Thanks for coming and goodbye

It is a sad day today. Someone I knew lost her baby yesterday, she was just a few weeks ahead of myself. What to do and what to say, I have no idea. It was to be her first child and I recall when it was my first child the thought of loss was too much to bear. Now, not to wish this unfortunate event upon myself but I am so very aware of what can go wrong and I sure hope I am prepared should something happen to us.

The girl I speak of is one of the loveliest girls I know with an amazing smile and a laugh so hearty you cannot help but be swept up in. I have no doubt that she will somehow blame herself or her past choices. Blame, who came up with that word....miraculously invented to cast our doubts on others so we can feel better. Then why when we cannot possibly feel any more pain we single handedly take all resposibility from all that has occured and try to drown ourselves with the weight of it.

I have always believed everything happens for a reason and as much as I thought this wonderful lady was so ready to be a mother her time was not right and I hope she can find comfort in the fact that yes something was wrong and rather the humanity of ending a not yet fully formed life than to bring a child into the world that may have had terrible problems or life threatening consequences for the mother.

I myself made a decision for a termination many years ago and I know it was the right choice at the time. I had much guilt on this and felt as though giving up that child was like returning a gift and perhaps I did not deserve another. In my own mind I thanked the little one for coming and said now is not the best time but I would like a chance when the time was right. However as much as I believe in Kharma and you may have to call me Earl from now on, the fact of the matter is that bad things happen to good people everyday.

My boss at the time found out about what I had been going through and sent me around to his wife, now this lady had the reputation of being the Devil incarnate and I had no idea why I was going there for as I had never even really spoken to her before. As it turns out she had made similar choices in her life and years later after having her own child she went to a Psychic who said to her that there was a unborn child, a girl who wanted a name. It freaked me out no end but somehow comforting that there was a soul that could be reborn.

Who knows the freaky Psychic lady may have been a hack but has unknowingly reached and helped others get through situations.

I know my friend will get through this with the love and stength of others around her, I just hope and pray that she is healthy enough in mind to let go and come out with as little scarring as possible. Above all know it was through no fault of her own.

xxxxxxx