The Bad

Imagine my surprise to be sharing a plate of petit fours with Good old Great Aunty Gwenda. No I do not mean the surprise of me sharing a plate of puddings but to be sharing it with a dear old lady whom I had just met. Little did I know she is beelzebub.

I had been enlisted by the family to keep the dear old soul under control as she has a wee problem with the drink on the account of it being likely to kill her and she was not going to disgrace herself on my watch. Of course she was allowed a small tipple and who was I to begrudge a seventy year old, man the family must be uptight what could she possibly do?

Well there I sat laughing and chatting with this lady who was a wealth of knowlege and then it happened.

She started off by saying how wrong her sister is.(Ella's great grandmother) Hey no arguments from me over that one. Then she launched into how lovely Ella is all rounded cheeks of squishy goodness. Yep, no disputing that. Then she mentioned how it is not Ella's fault she was not as pretty as the other grandchildren and she could never compete for affection but it was ok because Great old Aunty Gwenda still loved her!

It was at that point I stopped drinking as the urge for jollification had waned and all I could think about was at least seven ways I could quickly shut the raving bitch up. The cake fork was looking very appealing.

As you could imagine I was seething and still could not really believe what this walking relic bathed in April Violets was saying. I was dumbfounded. I had enough senses to quickly gather two bottles of wine, opened them and left her to it.

I have no idea whether she was lying and just trying to sew her sister up. I have gathered that this could be the case but she seemed so nice. On the day we left went to see Ella's great grandmother to say goodbye as it was only the second time she had seen Ella she promptly asked where the baby was as she wanted to take the baby to meet her neighbour. Cool I have no problems with that, all nana's want to show off their family. But as it turns out she was not meaning Ella but was talking about her cousin. At this stage I was very sensitive.