SUMMER FUN WITH THE CUZZIES IN RAUMATI

Happy Birthday Hails

My latest creation for my wonderful Niece the lovely Hailey who turned one today. We are currently down in Wellington and I must say how magic it is to have family around. She is just lovely, the most smiling child I have ever seen

Happy Birthday Our Poppy

Christmas Cake day!

Tomorrow is the day, it may be one whole month late but ladies when tomorrow dawns my home shall be filled with the aroma of Christmas past and building a firm foundation of Christmas Future.

Yesterday Ella and I popped on the Christmas Classics, chopped the fruit, ate our full and left the rest swimming in Sherry. I just love going and stirring the mixture, fabulous scent wafts as soon as you lift the gladwrap.

Tonight, I started making the icing decorations and this year this is my interpretation of ye old Christmas tree. I am just gagging to put up our tree. I am almost on the cusp of going back to a real tree as I miss the earthy smell of pine that signals the arrival of Christmas. However I cannot stand the frivolous waste of resources so this year plastic will be my tree of choice.

Christmas is a GO

Right here is the progress on the Stockings, I am about half way through them and in this pic you cannot see the 20hours I have put into beading these arghhhhhhhhhhhh

Project Dolls House

Complete and ready for Christmas NEXT

On the first day of Christmas, My true love said to me "Drop the credit card love and step away from the Avon catelogue"

Yee haaa, It has finally happened. I am brimming with the Christmas Spirit and surprisingly it is not Bombay Sapphire!

Projects to complete list

Organise Christmas Work do
Help out catering for friends party.
Organise Poppy's Birthday
Handmake three Christmas Stockings, EMMMM far from done.
Make Fabulous Christmas cake for Next week EEEEEEKKKKKK
First Find a new Christmas Cake recipie as I am not happy with current one
Finish Making dolls House ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH
It is finally built with three layers of varnish but now needed to decorate and make curtins
Plan Christmas day Menu on a tight buget
Complete Christmas gift shopping
Decorate the house and beat current record of over 900 lights in the lounge
Shopping trip to Rotorua and Tauranga
Send Christmas cards, I have lost address book, so find addresses.............................yawn
Build time machine to send me back to September.

We three kings........................yes....tis nearly the season

Normality?

It does not even sound like a real word. Perhaps it is not a real thing. Besides, I am fairly sure it would be a most boring alternative, full of yawns, Jeremy Kyle and Griffins Superwines, dependable biccies those ones!

Crap, I just yawned. Next stop, daytime telly.

Unfortunately, my life is not boring. It is full to bursting. I have got my fingers in so many pies, it is no wonder I am portly. Just when I think I can breathe the sweet smell of 'under control' I go and put my blasted hand up for yet more responsibility. Right at this very moment I should be painting a dolls house or sewing a Christmas Stocking but here I am filling this page with complete garbage. Hey, at least I am not the one reading it.

I should not really be blogging tonight, my mind is elsewhere but theoretically this could be my only chance for awhile and I know some of you will be wondering how we are doing.

We are great. Poppy is amazing, her spots and dots are fading, she is still a little tired but does not let it interfere with her Tanty throwing ability and her hair now seems to be starting to grow in her bald bits. A darker colour, but hair none the less.

Ella-raine is lovely. She has just learned to do a backwards flip on the rings and is so ready for school. I on the other hand am not. Although..........last night at dinner time I was ironing and getting ready for work(so I was already pissed off) and I told Miss Ella to eat her dinner. Well she turned to me with a straight face and said the following,

"Mama, I have two words for you, shut and up!"

Christ I did not see that coming! First shock and then a prompt telling off, I cannot remember if what I said was good as I had to leave the room before I peed myself while laughing.

I did query where on earth she has heard such a thing and she quickly replied Shrek the movie. I must check on that because if that was a lie, then it was a good one and grasshopper may become the master.

Righto, must dash as I have some tree hugging, sandal wearing 'positive visualisation' to do. I jest you not and may the protective white light of all things good guide me tonight, or perhaps it will just be choc, ciggarette and bed.

One three piece pack, extra seasoning and a side of Lorazepam

I still worry. Poppy temperature is still a little higher than normal. Is she OK?

Lorazepam, thats what I need.

To look at her she is just the same, covered in a fading spots but still the same. She has a couple of nasty patches left and one is the shape of a heart on her thigh. I think that speaks volumes.

Her voice is different, softly spoken and very cute. Her laugh has changed, no longer deep and throaty but reminiscent of when a baby laughs with that huge indraw. Yesterday to be honest I was a bit worried about her mental state as on the way home she was just giggling hysterically and do you want to know why? It was her hands, she was just holding them up in the light and cracking herself up. I even asked what was so funny and she said her hands. Simple things I guess. Is she OK?

Yep, I really need some Lorazepam. I may even find how to spell it.

I am still in awe of human spirit. We have notes in our mailbox from people we do not know who just want to help. We have people turning up with meals and still endless calls from people.

I am now faced with a problem. This has been hard but I am not sure what has been harder, a sick child or letting yourself be helped and accepting it willingly. How can I possibly thank them all in a manner that suits the deed? Any token short of life changing feels fraudulent. I could not possibly give enough. I know, I know...............I have been counselled by my nearest and dearest and it appears to be my problem and this is supposed to be some sort of Kharma pay back for me, but I still feel like a bludger. May as well just go into a room and whip myself some more.

I just feel I have so much to do but yet just want it to be over and return to life normality. I am going to try real hard next week and do everything I feel needs to be done then I am going to put this all behind me and perhaps ignore it all for month or two. Ahh blissful ignorance, I miss blissful ignorance. I might practice that for dinner with an upsized three piece from Kentucky.

Not so spotty Poppy

Well we made it, finally home with our miracle child.

It was a really wet and dismal day for a homecoming but things were crystal clear.

Angels watch over us and if we are lucky some walk amongst us.

We arrived home to lawns that were mowed, a house that was clean, washing done and a fridge cleaned out, fresh eggs, butter, bread and milk in the fridge and a bunch of flowers on the table. All of these done by different people, different circles but with one small thing in common, Us!

I have been so humbled by not only my close friends but our community and perfect strangers that have taken us in their hearts and done what they can.

I am still processing the enormity of it all and am still a little numb. It is the little things that get you. Like walking into Poppy’s room and remembering the last time I did that when my daughter was fighting for her life and remembering my thoughts on funeral arrangements and complete madness really. I wish I could erase them. I saw the thermometer in the lounge where I left it, my reaction is to rid the house of all things that bring that gut retching time back, but cannot.

This is the third time we have nearly lost our daughter and frankly that is quite enough. However I am such a pagan and have difficulty saying such a thing as if to invite it into my life again. For the record although I have had enough of the life and death thing, I am still prepared to go thorough it countless times if it means we get to have her in our life and I get to kiss her grandchildren. Crap, touch wood. Man that was real hard for me as over the last couple of weeks I have said the term “touch wood” and be buggered if wood is easy to find in a hospital and I was a little OCD about it. Planning to now get a wooden key ring. Feck I am nuts….hey I always have nuts, are they wood?

Menija Ninja

I do not even know if I can find the words to begin.



If you try to imagine you top ten nightmares, I would have a guess at mine being the loss of a child and would have to say that nearly losing a child would come a close second.



If you just quickly scroll through my sleep deprived drivel and only one thing sticks in your mind other than my crappy writing, this is it and I am going to write it in capitals because not only is it important but I am shouting at you "BELIEVE MOTHER'S INTUITION!"



Any of you with insight in my life will know that one of the things I cherish in this busy time is my saturday read/sleeptime and I am a bit precious about it. I normally shut the door as the handles are too high for chubby little fingers but today I forgot and in bowled Poppy and she said she wanted a cuddle. Sigh.......she came in told me she loved me and fell fast asleep. It was then I should have thought something was up as she cancelled her afternoon sleep a year ago.



An hour later we got up and she had a temperature, nothing crazy just warm to the touch. I gave her some Pamol and she went to sleep on the couch. I checked her an hour later and her temp had gone up so I decided to give her some Ibprofen. I asked her what was wrong and she said her ear. Highly plausible, she does suffer from ear infections and had a cold last week, I made sure she had some fluids gave her a warm sponge bath to make her more comfortable, put her in her PJ's covered her in a sheet, gave her some more Pamol as it had been four hours since her last and put her to bed.



I checked on her an hour later and I fully expected that with the medication her temp to have come down. It was still going up and she was breathing fast with an increased heart rate. I knew that this was a likely due to infection but is was the breathing that worried me. I could not give her anything else and could not sleep and had to get up every half an hour to check, she wasin a deep unrousable sleep. At 3.30am I knew she could have more pamol, I went in and took a temp, no change but before she had been hot and dry now she was sweating so I thought yay this was the body's way off cooling the system so I turned the light on and decided to change her wet pjs to wake her up so I could get more fluids in. She was really lucid, the best she had been all night and I thought the fever was breaking.



It was then I saw them.



Two faint uneven spots, one one her tummy and one just under her right boobie. Ahh no panic, just a spot so I pushed one to see if the colour altered. It did not. I called for CH to come in the bedroom, he did not as the bugger was sleeping through it all. I put my shoulders back told myself to stop being a drama queen but gave in and ran to the kitchen for a glass cursing CH sleeping ability. By the time I got back glass in hand he was scratching his balls in the doorway squinting his eyes and highly attractive. I pressed the glass to the surface of the first spot and it did not change. I told Jason to get dressed and get in the car and take her to ED.

He went in a little worried but nothing major as it often seems that sick kids are the children of urban legends and we never seem to be affected.



I could not sleep and watched a great re-run of Frasier. I was tense and kept texing. He called asking if she had been fully immunised and she had so phew problem over. Fifteen minutes later she was covered in spots. It was half an hour later he called crying as they were losing her.



My skin went cold and I could feel all the bood just draining from it. I went to wake Ella my voice was strong and commanding and instead of taking hours to wake up it was instant, I packed who knows what and headed in. I could feel my appearence was fine but on the insides had turned to liquid and I could easily just drown. I walked in and she was in the resus room never a good start. I took one look at the monitor and knew my child was covered in cords and was about to leave me. I looked around this overly bright room to see my husband crying and thankfully one of the nurses was a friend who just clung on to me. The next few hours is just a blur as they just tried time and time again again to fight a body desperately trying to shut itself down. They finally drilled twice straight into the bone to keep her stable until the Starship rescue team got to her. By now she could not breathe by herself. I called my dear friend in England her mother is a minister, I beg her to pray for us.



9.15am the air lift team arrived and battled to get a femoral line in. Blood everywhere.



10.15 I asked the rescue team how she was going. A doctor looked me in the eye and said "she was critical and may not survive. I felt like someone had just ripped my clothes off, gouged out my heart and I was naked for all to see.



In an Ambulance we rode, charging to the big red plane. It could have been an alien space ship for I was not really there. I had suddenly become see through and did not want to put anyone out. Big plump wet tears just ran constantly from my unmoving face. I worried about the cleaners on the plane and wetting the carpet.



12:00 We had arrived at Starship Hospital and all I could do on the way was talk to the Ambo driver about some new education level in St John.



Everyone knows and I am constantly getting texts. They are my lifeline, they are keeping me focused. Must update everyone, I do not want people to worry unduly.



This was Sunday. A day of rest then they paralyse her with drugs. I get a message that family is coming up, I get grumpy as I know they do not have the money for such silly things. Her Aunt and Nana arrive to support us, and they walk in and almost buckle at knees and cry. I am there, but cannot feel accept I feel guilt they are sad. I must be strong.



Texts and prayers flood in, I feel their warmth. They are my sanity.



More family arrive, I worry about feeding them. CH and Ella arrive. Ella is full of fun and laughter and thinks this is the best holiday ever. I am resentful.



Monday - She cannot breathe by herself, her blood pressure is terrible and her heart is beating too fast to be sustained and one of her legs is cold and the spots are getting worse. They now stop paralysis drugs. She should awake. Loads of morphine and ketamine. Her doctor from Whakatane calls to be told things are not good.



Texts still constant, I am vigilant to update and get upset when I find out some people have not received texts. I worry they might not feel important enough and receive info second hand.



Tuesday - No change accept her right lung has now collapsed. She awakes intermittedly only to scream in pain. I wash her mouth out to keep away infection and keep cream and gel on her lips and eyes to keep them moist.



We all take turns in sitting with her. I feel terrible as it should be up to me to bear the burden.



Wednesday - No change accept her left lung is now is flooded with fluid and her good leg now burns with infection. They spots are getting darker, and sinking in the middle, I keep them moisturised. I still worry about money and insist on paying for flights home. I take a pill so I can sleep.



This whole time I have been there overseeing the injecting, the bagging every hour to keep her breathing long enough to suction the fluid from her lungs so she does not drown. I am still not there. I am a student learning increasing my knowlege base.



Thursday AM - She awakes, recognises me and tries to reach for me and says Mama I want to go home. I am still numb.



Thursday 4pm - I am not there but Nana is and her doctor from Whakatane arrives and stands at the doorway for long enough to make Nana feel uncomfortable. Finally introduces himself and states he has never worked harder to save a life than he did on her.

Nana relays the message.

I finally break and feel like my world has been ripped apart rather than being on top of it.


Thursday 6pm - she is too weak to sip from a sipper cup. She states " I have no clothes on!"

Thursday 8pm - She falls asleep with her hands around the purple ribbon of an inflated balloon and I start writing this

Thursday 10pm - I chew a Creme Caramel butterscotch lolly, watch her sleep, I break off a sliver and place it in her mouth and she smiles. I smile and now finally breathe.

This is a very quickly written down and one sided tale of events and in the future I will wow you with stories of human compassion, skill and kindness like you wont believe but for now this is all I have and I must sleep for it will be a long night watching over my little one but should I fall asleep I am comforted by the fact I am not the only one who watches over her.

Hey a packet of Mint slice for lunch, mint is a healty herb right?

Oh I have been a bad bad girl.

I have been really "good" for the last seven weeks and eaten well and even stuck to my apparent allergy to the humble potato. I have even had a gastro virus. You would think I would be nearing a goal weight, right?

WRONG, there is a fecking loop hole in the system and it is like I am in opposite world. I have put more weight around my middle in the last few weeks than almost first five months of preganacy. Seriously I am almost convinced myself an immaculate conception has happened or I am dying from a tumor the size of a small child! I kid you not I am freaking myself out as I have the feeling of baby movement, but know it cannot be. I am driving myself nuts and last Thursday I gave up all hope and bought a trolley load of treats to scoff, chocolate, sweets, biccies, really good bread and cheeses. I have had fast food twice this week and fatty meaty treats for the rest of it and my weight has not changed. I also did the worst thing as I am almost convinced I am suffering from some sort cancer as I dont feel right and I went and had a blood screening done and the chap asked "Have you got a cold? a sore throat? Headache? Had the flu?" I of course said no. He said. "odd your white blood cell count is really up and your immunity is kicking in" Lets just say it has done little for the anxiety levels. Feck it off to the health shop to spend yet more of my childrens university fund on some quack remedy. The blood chap said try a really good antioxidant so I shall add it to all the other crap I am taking.

My poor health is definately helping out the local economy, just doing my bit!

Actually must pee on a stick just to set my mind at ease. Wow,I could be the new Virgin Mary! but I look shite in blue.

Need a new challenge?

Desperately seeking, Janey.

I am blessed with the most exquisite collection of friends. Each stunning in different ways yet all brought together by our love and devotion to our children. We organise trips, get creative, talk about child development, let our kids play and support each other for any little obstacles we come upon.

There is those times however when as much as we love our blessed children we do not actually like them and spending the day with them is akin to picking your nose with a cheese grater. At the end of that day when all is not giggles and sweet smelling babies. Sometimes a glimpse of naughty youth flashes in and I crave to go around the back of the shed for a sneaky cigarette or a shot of tequila….hold the lemon and salt.

It is these times we call upon the ‘realistic’ mothers who remember ghost of youth’s past and are more than willing to have drink with it and pull an emergency packet of cigs out of their normally non smoking nappy bag and go hide where the children can’t see. I no longer have a naughty friend who is willing to lead me astray. They both buggered off to England. Spiteful cows.

I am seeking submissions for a new Janey or Delwyn.

Position Description.

This is a demanding role and the meek and mild need not apply. The ideal applicant will be clever and able to defend from and onslaught of sarcastic remarks and send them back as the need dictates. Realistic, blatantly honest but open to delusion as the need arises. Strong negotiation skills, with the ability to talk people down from great heights. Educated in both palate and mind, with an almost psychic ability when a chat and a glass of gin is needed. Knowledge of herbal and pharmaceutical drugs and own prescription pad would be beneficial. The ability to laughs at ones foibles and smile knowingly when we come across those qualities in another and then counsel as appropriate. Most importantly, possess a willingness to be either the strength or the crutch as needed with the ability to be led and lead astray should the opportunity present it self.

Righto, move your arse and make an application.

Welcome Spring

Gosh I love living here!

Feminine charm

Over the years, you have all been with me as we have discovered how a woman is "enriched" with age and of the unimaginable things that have happened along the journey. Certain mysteries that are top of mind was discovering that you tripled your body gas ratio aftering bearing children or being shocked at that first "pale" hair on your bikini line! but of late I guess the biggest dissapointment was discovering that as women not all age gracefully and are just nasty buggers that know how to bully.

Behold! I have made a new discovery and that is, 'As we age we loose sensitivity!'. I of course have had an inkling of this as over the years more than truthful comments just roll off the tongue with ease, especially when aimed at CH! But more importantly we seem to loose sensitivity from our noses! Noses I tell you, not to be stuck in places unwanted BUT ever thought of the unwanted things stuck in your nose?

Two words that strike fear in the heart of all things feminine...............................................

VISABLE BOGIES!

Always been an unrational fear of mine. I was always very confident that I would never have snot gremlin hanging off the end of my nose in full view. No sireee, all systems checked and good to go, besides it was everyone else that that happened to NOT CAREFUL ME!

Twice now it has happened, washing my hands.........casual check in the mirror and holy feck I HAVE GROWN A NEW HEAD and it is sticking out my nose! How could I not know? Why has no one told me? Has this happened before? Can I ever go out again..........am I officially in my middle years?..........my lord do I have to start carrying a HANKIE!

just another one of life's little gems I guess, yep cannot wait until the next New discovery!

18 Weeks until Christmas!

How can yet another month go by and NO postings? Do you think I have all day to swan about drinking coffee and talking to you? Well I may just have had something more exciting to do. Perhaps.............. start an affair with the local Whittaker's Sales rep? or did I loose the ability to write when I lost my fingers in a dangerous cupcake manoeuvre? or was it as simple as taking a real long time in coming up with "who is first up against the wall" when I become Queen List? Yes, I am considering a hostile takeover of the Beehive, eating the current residents and then fobbing the rest off with the promise of faster broadband and cheaper electricity from magic sticks! John Key is currently topping the list, as an insignificant deknackered slimy pimple on the arse of democracy. Perhaps a little harsh, as I imagine it would be hard to make a decision with so many people's hands up your arse to make you do something! Perhaps I shall rename him 'Judy Key', although 'Punch Key' is what we need BUT in today's world we could not even have 'Smacking Key'!. Blimey, I cannot even begin to talk about this anti smacking referendum as the rules of time and space do not allow me to fully express my opinion.

Anyhoo as proof that I am indeed alive here is a pic of the girls and I on holiday in Ashvegus! and a lovely one of my sister and the girls. We had an amazing time and I am sure I will go into greater details later..................you poor buggers! For now I must go and ensure that CH is not hanging from the rafters somewhere on what could be the eve of both a Cricket and possible rugby defeat. Removing all the belts, cords and sharp implements NOW! Feck it I will just crack the top off a imported beer to distract him and make the pain go away! AND WHO SAID KIWI BLOKES ARE UNATTRACTIVE?

Five Brilliant women the photo was titled, could not have been put a better way

Monday starts the new week with many positive changes, stay tuned as this time I think it is going to work and it will be in part because of these wonderful women. May my unyeilding positivity inspire you all. I shall from this point be no longer be filling the void with cupcakes....................OK perhaps not this point in time as I have a party to do cup cakes for this weekend BUT from then...............................cup cakes, they not for me.

I think I have MAN flu!

It's true! I have been in bed for three days and at this very moment am having a good patch. All the classic man flu signs, vocal cords pitched to "whine", inability know what it is that would help me, Cos I DONT KNOW! so very week I cannot even pick up my my own snotty tissues, three days in bed and only changed PJ's under duress yesterday. I must be looking so attractive at the moment, this morning I awoke with a strange feeling as I must have been sleeping with my mouth open and tongue poking out as my mouth has never been so dry and my tongue had cracks in it! You should see my nose as it is a monument dedicated to Vasaline, a wide grinning strip of the shiny stuff plastered under my nose with just as much shoved up it to stop my nose from falling off. My whole body hurts, even my lungs and diaphragm. It has been such a long few day as I never ever thought I could get sick enough not to be able to read in bed! What a waste, three days of not being able to read, curse you bright light! Today I am much better and actually contempating a shower.

This swine flu has my knickers in a knot. I am a healthcare professional and still I am confused. But you know me and my arm could be falling off and I still would not go into A&E as 'it will be right and I would not want to bother them!' Our poor pops was effected the worst, terrible temperatures, shocking coughs, shortness of breath with poor air movement. Pops always coughs in winter, always has and no amount of normal or alternative medicine seems to help it. Her dad was like this as a child. I do worry for pops as her respiratory system is not very strong.

I just wish there was an easy way to spot swine flu, like toenails turning to trotters or unexplainable urgings to put a ring through your nose. Rather than "flu like symptoms" feck any day of the week I have half of them. I did however ring work and say I would not be in today and it god damn came close to killing me, I am such a goodie two shoes that I hate to call in sick even when it is real. Heart palpitations, nervous sweat and stuttering voice GOD I HATE IT!

Actually that is more than enough for me today, thinking of plucking my eyebrows next.......................that should take all day given what I saw looking back at me from the mirror thing morning. Or perhaps bed and sort the yeti out later!

Zopicolone, you blessed blue beauties

Now you know me gals, not usually afraid to shove bad things in my mouth, cream doughnuts, ginger slice, blue cheese, bacon..........mmmmmmm bacon god I love bacon ANYWAY...............................................

When I last wrote to you I may have missed something out! When the wheels fell off and all hope was lost, I went to the doctor. Oh, words cannot clearly explain to you how mortified I was going to the doctor to air what I considered 'Dirty laundry' Of course at the time it added my distaste for CH as it was because of HIM!

I was worried I was depressed.

I also did not accept that. I have been there and this was not the same.

The thing with me as like all of you wonderful Mums out there, an unbroken sleep is rare. For me it is impossible and has been that way for over twelve years or more and I normally survive on more or less then 3-4 hours a night. I just cannot fall asleep with ease. I have always looked at this as a gift as it allowed my so much more reading, thinking and letting my imaginings fly! Thats way I have so many projects on the go at once!

Over the last year it has been a complete curse. Worrying about everything, twenty different thoughts each with new things to worry about in every case scenario that could go with it. It became normal and I could easily not sleep a whole night and still go to work the next day and feel the same. No extra tiredness as I was just exausted all the time. Anxiety, it was crazy!

My friendly doctor wanted to prescibe a course of anti-depressants. I asked for a raincheck but asked for sleeping pills and WOW what a difference. For the first week it was no change, just relief not to have things in my head. I felt just the same with seven hours unbroken snoring as I did with one. This week is amazing, I am tired still but my giggle is back and I am now laughing my arse off at TV programmes, something I never even realised had gone. Emotions, I am now back to nearly crying at every thing that pulls on the heart strings, sad stories, crappy ads, you name it! OF COURSE NO ONE SEES! I have not completely changed! I have energy to do exercise in fact today is the first day I have had a rest day this week.

Today was great, I organised a suprise morning tea for all the wonderful ladies at Mainly Music to celebrate 10 years of being in our community and I just love them. Yeah more cupcakes What a fantastic morning the girls were amazing when I asked my eldest what the highlight of her day was apart from the food, I thought she would say dancing of friends or wearing dress ups but no it was when she accidently let her helium balloon go and floated away to the clear blue sky, she was mesmorised. I think she might be just like me and every action can be turned into a magical imagining.

The Wheel Turns

I may have been a bit quiet of late, in fact I have almost been non blogging for 10 months or more. Why, too much to say I guess and little I wanted any of you to know.

Filthy word divorce, used with other equally horrid descriptive words like failure, break up, break down, heart break, shame, devastation and so very much more. I have got the T shirt!

It has been so very tough but to alleviate your fears I can indeed confirm that we are still married with the intent of being forever. Well at least for now..............I always have to have options, yes! I am aware of the problem but you would be so happy sitting next to me in a sinking ship as I would have at least 10 way outs up my sleeve all extremely well thought out!

It was bad at one point CH had actually packed his bags and we were dividing up our meager possessions and wondering what could have gone so very wrong. Ten months of gut retching sadness and more tears than I could handle is not good for a domestic goddess. The worst part was the eating and hiding away and the "put on a smiley face" Christ my lipsticks got so bright I looked like a trannie!

We never know how we will react to a situation until we are in it. As you all know I am a fairly strong gal but I fell to pieces. A dull mosaic. That my friends pissed me off more!

Upon reflection I made many mistakes and my most pivotal one was telling no one in my close circle of friends about what was happening. I just continued with life normality, La la la, organising coffee groups, Christmas parties, fundraising and helping out whenever I could. I do not know why. I have the most amazing bunch of women in my life and any one of them would drop anything and come if I called.....................but I could'nt. It was not healthy.

I guess as with all those of you who have read my blog over the years and been there with me as I muddle through barely knowing me arse from me elbow in this whole parenting gig. This seems to be a whole new phase. It is kinda like birthing pain, no one tells you about it until it is over and then generally ignored as it never happened. It seems to me that we all know marriages takes work but how much work is generally ignored. I now feel confident in our decision to stay together but almost with equal confidence know it would be difficult to separate but achievable.(there I go again with the defence mechanism) It would just be like spending your life savings on booking a flight to Paris for a holiday and ending up in Rotorua.....................not quite where you thought you would end up but you would make the most of it while you were there.

I came clean to my girlfriends this week and I know they are hurt I could not confide but as the friends they are they hide that and support me anyway. I just love them. My advice to you all out there that should you embark on the journey I have just got back from it is long and dark and you need a friend to hold your hand so please do not make the same mistake. Also do not be suprised that you are having huge almost unsolvable problems in paradise as it appears to be much like saggy boobs after breast feeding, a bit ugly but quite normal!

Cup Cake Lesson

A Good cake doth not always make a Good cup cake!

I have learned this over the years and why oh why do I still have faith that all recipies will work?

This is Nigella's Clementine Cake, delightfully easy, normally lovely and both Dairy and Wheat free. What a winning cake. What a crap cup cake.

WHY?

Very solid mix and I had to cook the cupcakes for longer than normal which make the base over cooked and stuck.(perhaps you could bake in a bain marie to overcome)

The high moisture content completely ruined my beautiful paper cases and looked like I had soaked the vintage papers in a puddle. (eating them as soon as the were baked would help this one)

Itsy bitsy Cup Cakes

I made hundreds of these little fellows today. I think I can say I have finally cracked them! Filling up the little tiny cases can be touch and go at times and today I grabbed a funnel and a regular clean water bottle and filled it to the brim with cake batter, pit the lid on and then filled up my paper cases with ease and not a spill then popped the bottle back in the fidge between batches and as we speak there is a bottle of batter in my fridge left over to make in the next week with no hassle!

Also lets be honest about it, no matter how nice the cake mix is it is the icing I am interested in. I now put a couple of white choc chips in the batter so you have, squishy sponge, crunchy choc and creamy icing in every bite! Its good!

I blame the parents!

GEEZ, I had an absolutey shit weekend and in fact cried for most of it, for reason best unsaid BUT it is ok now and life goes on BUT do you want to know what really upset me the most?

My blooming unfeeling offsprings!

Here I was wanting comfort and tried to hide myself in the darkened bedroom, fully fetal position, with the hope I would be missed BUT On the few occasions my children bothered to come in the room they seemed not to notice my discomfort and only wanted feeding. To add further insult the only cuddle I could get was if I got between them and the TV so they could not see their programmes and they would snuggle in so they could look over my shoulder.

little buggers, just take my heart and use it for a potty while you are at it! Oi I gave birth to you blighters and someone mentioned something about unconditional love..........check your contract little ones and see how you go if I stop buying you favourite food and we do not have to have playhouse Disney................................oh I could never be so cruel

No more wine for moi

Ever had a hangover so bad that it hurts to fart? It is possible

Year of the Cock beware!

Well is this not weird,
Chinese year of the Chicken........Bird Flu
Chinese year of the horse............equine flu shuts down Aussie
Chinese year of the pig...............swine flu!
Next year?
Chinese year of the Cock................perhaps Men's penis will fall off or all dickheads/jerks will come down with a disese, either way I am OK with it!

That's all folks

Well that is it! No more weekends away, No more nights without children and no more meals uninterrupted and every night doomed to being awoken by any number of childhood beasts, wet beds, snoz huffling husband and sick kids.

Feck, I may as well end it all now, what an existence! Geez I am so bored. Bored of being skint, bored of being a lard arse and bored of being a house bitch!

What to do, What to do, What to do, What to do, What to do said the penguins…………….blimey even when I am far removed from having motherly thoughts those blasted mind raping children stories and songs constantly blare on my subconscious.

Being Skint, not too much I can do about that. Resorting to making a game out of it and seeing “How low can I go!” it the groceries for the week. Even resorting to removing light bulbs from rooms with too many! Should I get a job? Even that poses a problem as Jobs are so hard to come by and I could end up stacking shelves in a supermarket……………………could my ego handle that? Do I have to re train? As much as I love working on the back of an Ambo and learning all I am learning but in all reality the hours are never going to be family friendly and the politics are quite frightening.

Being a Lard arse, On to it and currently into day three of healthy eating and I have purchase two fitness Mags and looking forward to starting a new fitness regime next week. I have asked for CH’s support on this one as he never worries about the extra ten kilos and certainly we lead each other astray more often that not with alcohol and bad food.

Being a house bitch, Simple it has too be done but hell I resent it, gosh it makes me so bitter and sucks all my sense of humour away. I just need to think about it differently. Before I thought of it as my duty or job and well that breed contempt so my new plan is to think of it as exercise and try to put the pride back. As when we moved from Pleasant Ville to this cold old skody house, things went a little down hill as no matter how many times you clean old surfaces they just look shite!

Out of the mouth of babes

I have been nagging CH terribly of late, everything he does seems to wind me up and to add fuel to my fire look what happened last night.

Ella and Pop were playing Mummy's and Daddy's. Ella was the Mother and Pop was the Father. Ella of course was the one lugging all the babies and making all the decisions.

I asked Miss Ella, So what is it that Mummy's do? Ella replied with no hesitation "Oh they clean and do washing!" Hmmmn I said, still pissed with the fact I had been cleaning all day, feeling frazzled and then CH comes home and just has really happy giggling play time with my girls and they laughed more in five minutes with CH than with me all day........................sigh.

Then although I knew it a question doomed to make me feel shite, I asked Ella, So what is it Daddy's do? She just sighed and rolled her eyes , " oh you know they mostly watch rugby and drink beer!"

The lines of division drawn already.

I know, I know. I will not even bother to create some elaborate excuse for why I have not been here. It could of course be the fact I would have had nothing positive to say.

I came down with a sudden onset of melancholy about two weeks back and it still nags at me. Throughly disinterested in my homelife and began to eat packets of choc biccies like tic tacs. The scales reflect my gluttony....................hence the cackling scales broke when they FELL out of the window this morning.

It does seem to be catching however and I am surrounded by many brilliant woman from different backgrounds and even different circles of friends and many complain of the same thing at the moment. We all have great lives but feel shite! Perhaps enmasse winter blues? sounds plausible. We all are outdoor types and see the sun many times a day so it cannot be sunlight deprivation.

Anyhoo, I am off to Auckland this weekend for a girls weekend to say goodbye to one of my dearest friends who is off on a three year adventure gallavanting around the world. The horrible part was I have already said goodbye as I had a dream the other night when I said goodbye and I awoke a blubbering idiot...........................hopefully it will not be a re run. Big girls dont cry!

Upon my return I shall be back to fitness and no doubt I will bore you with the details then.

xxxxx

Blessed be the Mother's for within them we find strength

Quickest chocolate fix when the cupboards are bare!

5 Minute Chocolate cake in a mug!


4 Tablespoons Flour
4 Tablespoons Sugar
2 Tablespoons Cocoa
1 Egg
3 Tablespoons milk
3 Tablespoons Oil
3 Tablespoons Chocolate Chips
Small Splash Vanilla Essence
1 Large Coffee Cup


Add dry ingredients to mug, Mix Well
Add egg, Mix thoroughly
Pour in milk and oil, Mix well
Add chocolate chips and vanilla essence, Mix well
Microwave on high (1000 Watts) for 3 Mins
Cake may rise above mug – Don’t freak out
Allow to cool, tip into plate, Heap with icecream, cream or custard
Eat!!

Leave me alone kids unless you are bringing me a beer!

Why is it that on the very day we celebrate Motherhood is the very day that we do not actually want to be a Mother?

I have often thought of this and this year me and a group of gal pals made it happen. After a morning sleep in and the obligatory gushing of mushy thankyou's for crappy bits of scribbled paper posing as Mothers day cards I had a leisurely shower put on my glad rags, ditched the kids and met the girls for Brunch and Bubbles. What a hoot, we were the most rowdy table there pausing only to go to the toilet so much because we were giggling so much we nearly literally pissed ourselves laughing(bloody pelvic floor!) After we were kicked out of there, and we were asked to move along! Some of us hit the Quilt show(yes all my earlier blog fears confirmed) and then I went home, kissed and cuddled my children and went to bed for the afternoon to read a book undisturbed and got up only to eat a large portion of my favourite pudding, 'Sticky Date Pudding', loving made by CH.

What a lucky girl, I had a most wonderful day and I am and I fully encouraging all of you yummy Mummy's out there to do the same with your next Mothers Day.

Got a hankering for some moulied meat in gravy with a side of false teeth?

It has been happening for awhile now, creeping on slowly like the weight. Really it started long before children. I should have realized when that day five years ago that I no longer enjoyed wearing G strings and was going for a fuller brief that I was slowly turning into a Nana! The signs were there, suddenly enjoying watching 'simply quilts', scrapbooking, pickling or making anything into Jams or relish, learning to crochet, cake decorating, sewing, embroidery, for the love of god I NOW COLLECT TEA CUPS!!!!!!! and even more disturbing..............have bought a china cabinet to display them in! It is not ended there all you gal pals out there........Last Thursday night we went to a CHARTER CLUB! Yee gods I simply cannot believe it, if you had told me last year that I would seriously consider joining a charter club this year all you would have got in reply would have been a distasteful look.

I have long phoo phooed these places. Gummy grannies ordering their roast pork and supping on their sherry. Meat pack raffles aplenty, meals come served in a basket or a slab of meat covered in a packet sauce hidden under a mountain of chips. Formica low tables and the racing channel on the TV and a whole room of poker Machines. Sounds absolutely horrific. BUT, they have a kids room! You can go there, order and meal and a drink and let the kids go wild in their own room. It was the type of place that when all the drooling kids congregated around a lolly slot machine that one of the local patrons came over and shook it to try and robs sweets for them. Oh bless.

It was really great, I felt a little like James T kirk, boldly going where no young cool person has ever been before! We met five families there, all the kids sat at a huge table and all the adults sat at another, girls up one end, blokes at the other and had a great catch up. The food came out really fast, and was really good and not to mention cheap. We fed a family of four and all had a couple of drinks and all for $60. We have now decided that once a month we will do this as a group as we are finding life so busy of late that we cannot catch up often enough.

So there we have it, meta morph to Nana hood nearing completion. What can be next?

Not long now and my studies will be over and I can return to life normality. I have been so busy of late I barely have had time to keep up with the housework let alone actually be creative in any way. Once again I have reached the absolute pinnacle of my lardarseness and finally think I have the stength to do something about it. I have been doing exercise for three weeks now and I still hate it, completely not natural or enjoyable by any stretch of the imagination. However the one cool thing is that I finally think I have found a possible silver lining and that is THINKING TIME. Real quality thinking time, not the vacant thinking time that fills your head when you are doing chores and the days little foibles or the latest things that piss you off just replay in your head. But creative thinking time and ideas for stories and poems are just popping up randomly when once I thought them gone forever.

However good quality fabulous food is still top of mind and I think I have finally cracked the best choc chunk biccie recipie ever

Jody Choc Chunks

Ingredients:
1 cup of butter
3/4 cup white sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 1/4 cups plain white flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups of CHOCOLATE, roughly chopped I use three types Very dark, milk and white. Make sure there is a full selection of sizes of chunks as there biccies are great in the microwave to make the big chunks melt.....yummy.


Directions:1. Preheat the oven to 180°C. Grease an oven tray.2. Cream the butter , white and brown sugar until light and fluffy. Add the eggs into the mix one at a time, and then stir in vanilla. Combine the flour, baking soda and salt, then stir into creamed mixture.3. Fold in the chocolate chips. Place rounded spoonfuls onto the prepared baking tray.4. Bake until light brown, approximately 8 to 10 minutes. Let sit for 5 minutes and then transfer to rack to cool.

NOW DO NOT PANIC IF MIXTURE IS SLOPPY, YOU CAN ADD A LITTLE MORE FLOUR IF YOU DOUBT MUST BUT IT IS NORMAL. ENSURE YOU PLACE A GENEROUS BLOB(TECHNICAL TERM) OF MIXTURE ON THE TRAY AND IT WILL SPREAD OUT TO MAKE THE PERFECT BICCIE. ENSURE LOTS OF SPACE BETWEEN BICCIES.

I tend to make really large biccies as I do not piss around with the anorexic size, so I do only have 6-7 to a tray. Takes longer but more impresive.

I wonder what the suicide rates are in low income families?

Today was horrible. Death in the family of an extremely well loved object. The Telly.
Luckily we have a second television.
Unluckily the power spike that killed our precious telly also screwed our sky box and as a result we had to watch poor people television. Christ, half an hour of this visual runny arse and I swear I lost the will to live. Absolute bullocks on the box how am I supposed to achieve total sensory deprivation while watching Marc Ellis force feed lemons to idiots? I even thought of having a conversation with CH, that is how bad it was!

I suppose there is one silver lining, our second TV does not have a remote and as it is really hard to channel surf on three choices and getting up and down spices up the degree of difficulty not to mention the obvious physical benefits.

Speaking of things physical I have reached 'extreme lardarse' stage again and the little changes I have made in my life do not seem to be making an impact.

• I am walking to where I want to go.
• The fridge is in another room so I have to walk to it.
• The Clothes dryer is way down in the spider ridden garage so I am hanging out the washing
• The freezer is also in the garage so I have to haul arse to get anything.

Ok so they are only small changes and it has only been two weeks and I have been eating some extemely good food of late and large portions. Damn my superior cooking skills.

Ok, I am also not going to bake anymore, or add sauces to a meal. No more bernaise, hollandaise or creamy carmelised onion and blue cheese............................whimper.

I still have a bit of a stash left over from easter, I will deal to that tonight and start tomorrow on the right foot...................................................yes I will add no more gorging to the list.....later...much later...........................Cake, I also have mud cake to take care of. This could be a long night.

Fuck off, you're oooooooooooooooout!

Thats it!, done and dusted! It is a beautiful day, I have been to the movies with my eldest, walked for an hour and a half and giggled all the way home as I have finished all of my online training and it has just sunk in! I am just so rapt. Yesterday started my first 7am until 7pm day shift and what a fabulous day. I learned so much and actually got to inject someone yesterday as well as drive priority one, lights, sirens and air horn to a town half an hour away. I came home absolutely buzzing and confident in my decision to put the girls in care all day so I can do this.

It has been a hard few weeks and the most unfortunate part was self doubt. We have these two horrid women where I work and they teach by belittling and chronic bitchyness. I have never seen the like. At what age do we become bitter and twisted?

I am yet to work out what to do with horrid busted old hags. As you all know I am not a bad person a generally get along with anybody and do not put up with people being unreasonable. With these two wenches I am stumped. They have got me so worked up because I am truly torn, on the one hand I am naturally so respectable of my elders and want to hold them with high regard and absorb their knowledge but the other side of me is so angry at them for treating people the way they do. Honestly it makes me so upset and I just cannot put my big gal pants on and talk to them about it as these days I am so emotional and would end up in a snotty crying mess and that would just not do. I cry in front of no one!

I was talking to a friend of mine who prefers women over men and simply asked how she could do it? ........It was about there I put a stop to that conversation before I heard some information I did not want to hear but simply gave her the following advice, under no circumstances date anyone over forty, start cruising for a new and much younger lady love well before their 39th birthday.

This need further investagation, as although I am 33 I can feel a new bitchyness creeping into my otherwise wonderful personality......cough cough. Be aware team and report all incidents of unsheathed bitchyness, chronic crankyness, sadistic sarcasm and I will look into your diet and increase your sugar, spice and all things nice!

Blimey, you guessed it I have been immersed in the books again and finding little time to do anything else except MOVE. Christ words cannot describe how absolutely shit the last three weeks have been. It is completely unending. DO NOT EVEN consider moving with children UNLESS you donate 80% of their crap first. Then when you done throw out anything opened(except booze as you will be needing that to full up pump bottles and sipper cups) then kick at least six boxes of the back of the truck.....................you wont miss em and trust me you will be thankful later. Ensure you do not move on a public holiday as every bastard has a legitimate excuse.....fancy that Jesus dying on the cross and rising again to give ye all a reason fuck off and not help.

So we have shifted and I will be soon walking everywhere I need to go and I will be finished my course come the end of May and believe you me I am looking forward to having a moment to write on here every now and then.

Until my next moment of work avoiding............................xxxxx

Here we are the very first batch of Volunteers to go through the new National Diploma of Ambulance Practice and tomorrow starts the last third of my study. It has been fairly tough and this last one will be the hardest I expect. I am actually pretty nervous as although I have only had two weeks off study the memory of how little time I had previously is pretty fresh. I will really have to manage my time more effectively and doing that and staying sane is fairly hard.

Last Monday started my new healthy outlook on life and I managed to do exercise on three days and ate in a sensible and healthy manner. ????????I KNOW!!!! This week I am intending to do the same and am now even more inspired to do well as I phoned up about a womens social hockey league last week and put my name down! This could be humiliating as I have not picked up a stick since I was 12 and even then I was always shoved in goal! I have no idea why this appeals but the idea feel right so why not try and add yet another thing into my life. Thank you god for that extra hour sleep coming up with daylight saving ending, I think I will need it!

Dont you just love the uniform and the hands on our thigh action.................can you pick which one is me? Not a flash piccie but one I shall send to my mum!

Ella-raine's Birthday cake

Although we were camping for the event there was absolutely no need for mediocrity in the birthday cake department and since Miss Four had been banging on about it for the last 11 months I simply could not bung a candle on a bowl of porridge and sing Happy Birthday. It came out quite well all things considered as my normal cakes take many hours to decorate this was done and dusted in under ten minutes. Of course there was much prep to begin with like legs to be wrenched of Barbie, dressing her in more fitting attire to match the cake a making a necklace..............every gal has to have sparkles!

The party was great, all ballons and party napkins and plates but I forgot the blasted party hats but never fear my friends assured me, she would not even notice.

WRONG......... after having the most perfect camping birthday surrounded by all her mates when asked later in the day about how much fun she had..........................she promptly replied 'no hats or pass the parcel' then she got up and left. Ungrateful shit!

I came, I saw, I camped!

It rained. Grounds got flooded. We all got moved into a hall. Seven Children, six adults sleeping in a room, three of those children with a tummy virus and all adults stupidly tired. Brilliant!

Fricken camping, who in their right mind(except homeless people) would do it. Now I can see the challenge in camping as a couple, the two of you at one with nature, trying to wildly shake the stench of the concrete jungle. It almost sounds romantic.

With children, no power and more importantly NO TV. Son of Mary, you gotta be full blown do lally!

Not only do you spend weeks of planning, every meal, snack, scenario and whim you are completely shafted by the camping grounds. The price per night was amazing and was a hare’s breath away from the price of a cheap hotel. Not only that, as they were “powered” tent sites one would foolishly assume you could plug and extension cord into sockets and be blessed with the comforts of home. WRONG, apparently it is common knowledge around the camping types to get a “special” cord with a different plug to have power. I of course only found this out after I played around with the outdoor plug socket and severly pissed off the neighbours by turning off their power, I went to give my apology and was promptly told that “Well YOU are not the only one who now has to re-programme DVD player!” SLAM! A DVD player! Christ that’s not camping! (as I load all of my now non useable comforts of home) As luck would have it they sold those special cords at the camping ground shop for $150!! Blimey not a chance. Then just to add insult to injury you have to pay for the showers on top.

But with all my moans and gripes(and believe you me, I got many stashed) I would do it all again in a heart beat as the Children had the most amazing time and grinned from ear to ear the whole time, I kid you not I have never seen such a bunch of happy souls, except that time I toured the Cadbury factory! This was the stuff of childhood memories held dear, I wish you had been there!

But NO, we are not camping people, I want a caravan!

Happy bithday to moi

Tis true, yesterday was my 33rd birthday. What a fabulous day, I awoke to have an early brekkie with friends, dropped BOTH kids into care and went to have a girly coffee and shopping session with one of my favourite gal pals then off to the salon with my eldest daughter then off out to dinner and a movie with CH. All this and I got an amazing present from CH.

I have decided I am sick of our boring white flatware and now wanting mis matched, well choosen, pretty pieces of China and CH choose an absolute cracker from the 1930's. I would never have choosen it myself and he paid an absolute fortune for it, I could not believe it and had to bite my tongue but it is JUST lovely. Bless his cotton socks he was so worried it was not to my taste.

So as I am a very new collector, should you see a lovely tea cup set in an op shop think of me and I will lovingly add it to my collection. In fact that is a fabulous idea to have a dinner set made entirely of individual pieces choosen by your nearest and dearest!

Right off on yet another weekend away on my course, what a lucky girl I am!

Christmas 08

I feel a little sad you all missed out on my Christmas but you can be sure it was lavish, traditional with completely over the top decorations, but here is one of my cakes

Gotta love small communities

Yeaterday we finally thought we may have found a cheap rental place that we could make our own. The landlords were lovely, the street was nice and quiet and my work was just over the back fence and not to mention loads of room for a vege garden, sandpit for the cat to crap in and the landlords wanted to put new carpet and paint the place for us. We were rapt. I did however notice the neighbours. I enquired what they were like to the current tennants and she said they did not bother her. I should have got an inkling when looking through the place with the Adolf Hitler wall clock and various swords, guns and a crossbow or two in the wardrobe. In my mind we were living in the place already.

CH went back to work and said we had finally found a suitable place. He said the street and was was asked "What number" 20 CH replied. It was then that we found out that number 22 was the local tinny house. Thats not all, that night I went to work and told this same story and Sally turned to me and said "Not the big white place down the end?" Yes that was the one, as it turned out her friend used to live there and had dreadful problems with the neighbours just coming in and taking what they wanted!

Dodged a bullet there! Cursed recession, Whaaaaaaaaa I want to stay in plesantville.

Please Please Please all go out there and buy Fisher and Paykel because if they go down so does CH. I cannot believe how much their share price has dropped. I still remember the heady heights of before the company split from their healthcare division. Fingers crossed

World Poultry shortage.......investigations lead to Whakatane

Tis true, I not long ago polished off approximately 12 chickens worth of honey soy chicken nibbles and swiftly followed them with a rather large portion, almost all of a cream and jam filled family sized chocolate log. Christ, I am grotesque!

Why is it when we realise we have pilled on the pies that we suddenly think it is a grand idea to feed ourselves even more arse widening food. More of the ole, christ I have done it now, what is another 13 cream doughnuts gonna do. GONNA DO!!!!!!!!!, ITS GONNA MAKE YOU FATTER THATS WHAT, YOU THICK AND DUMB TWAT.

Why could I have not had that same conversation with myself two hours ago, oh perhaps it was the shock of watching two turn of the century lesbians rooting each other with a large leather strap on dildo at 11.45am on UK TV! I kid you not, I nearly choked on my chicken! It was supposed to be a comedy, there were boobs, blow jobs, girl on girl and tranvestites aplenty. Certainly something to spice up your lunch time veiwing! The programme was called "Tipping the velvet" and perhaps not for the faint of heart!

Nature V's Nurture

Well this just pisses all over my big belief that we come into the world with our god given attributes and leave it basically the same. For there is no acconting in this world that can possibly work out how I developed my taste in clothing with my upbringing so it must be nature.......................................If that were true, surely wee Ella-raine would have come up with a better ensemble to start the day in!

Somebody roasting some pork?

I am trying really hard not to dwell on the fires in Australia as I feel so bloody helpless and terrible and with the weather being the way it is, I feel it mist be connected in some way and that keeps the tragedy firmly placed front of mind.

My natural reaction is wanting to go and help which has brought a few other issues to mind. As being part of the Emergency services we are often put in situations where we would normally fear to tread, but with human nature being the way it is, we do not hesitate to help others where we can. This at times could lead to making fatal decisions, but hell actually putting your life ahead of someone elses is much harder than it should be. I do not know what it is but I really struggle with it. I don't know, religious upbringing? low self worth? overly frickin polite! I have no idea and truly hope that if one day faced with a choice to perhaps die treating another or leaving them to save my own skin, I hope I can have the strength to make latter as I need to take grand children to Africa!

I do have an interesting thought pattern though and do you know what really scares me?
You fricken arsonists, jacking yourself off to your flammed and charred remains buffet. It is going to take much to top this one and I bet you pricks are gonna try and god willing it is not some blooming kiwi trying to out do the bloody Aussies at something for a change!

Feeling Hot Hot Hot

It is amazingly hot and humid here. 21:10 and the air is like breathing in a steam room, yesterday morning I spent sitting on our back deck in my nightie in the pouring rain and all around me was low fog like cloud. It was one of those special moments were you are wearing a foolish grin and wanting to dance amongst the daisy's.

Today however I had had enough. CH and I had a date today, Eight hours with just each other for company. We decided to play golf together and luckily we know the golf pro so he gave us a golf cart to go aroung the course in. I loved the golf up until around the 12th hole when I completely had enough of smacking the hell out of the ball only to have it skim the surface of the grass and go about 40 meters. I even have blisters and a neck injury! The best bit was the golf cart................................I intend to never go around a course without one as they are the coolest ride, I was giggling my way around, trying to run over Jase, running into bushes on his side of the cart when he gave me shit, hooning over all terrain and realising my bra is not as supportive as I would have liked(CH quickly there with hands outstretched to help me out with that one, who says he is not supportive!)

We very rarely get time alone, so when we are faced with the prospect of it, it is fairly daunting. I reckon we need about three days together to fully enjoy each other as with our action packed morning and being two unfit fat bastards in tropical weather we both felt terrible and craved BK and then promptly went home and watched a DVD and fell asleep!What party animals! The DVD was great by the way, Charlie Wilson's War with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts

Poppy's Cake

Since you have missed out on so much of our life I thought I would update you now and then on what you missed out on and in this particular version it is my unashamed gloating of my cake prowess

I have just realise I have absolutely no proof of the fabulous summer we have had as I have no photo's! Here is my latest one of the girls(mine are the pink and blue fairy's) and this was taken before Christmas when they put on a show. Here is another one of me taken before Christmas and believe it or not but I was much slimmer then!

Yes the ole diet has not really taken off but the thought is there. I did not go walking yesterday as I was so knackered from my weekend away on my course(valid excuse I thought) today?....well it was the shock of how dark it was at half six this morn! Blimey it was a shock to the system as I have been sort of looking forward to having some cooler days and perhaps having more time indoors but the reality of this morning's darkness pushed all those thoughts away and now I really want to hold on to summer.

However I am not quite finished with summer yet as we are going camping.

CAMPING! I know! a bit shocking for me. I remember long long ago, in a land without children, we decided that every year we would get some camping gear..................we forgot about it and still only have that first purchase........ one torch(which we cannot find) and a airbed(with no pump) now the last weekend in feb will be interesting.

Blimey can you believe it is the month of Feb already?

Here I am fast approaching my 33rd birthday and completely chasing my arse.

My life is nothing short of hectic at the moment as I am smack in the middle of my Ambulance Diploma, finding it hard to find the time to do the course work and study as well as continue to do a shift at work and continue on life normality as a Domestic Goddess while trying to fit in time for my friends.

At least while I toil at the very minimum I look hot. Perhaps not Jennifer Anniston hot at 40, but a little more chic/rock chick as I am sporting a lesbian short, Macleans white spiky hair do. I decided to do something quite dramatic once I lost all that weight in October. In my usual fashion, Christmas hit halfway through November and now we are in Feb and I am back to the same weight. However I have a plan, just hatched it.......tonight instead of going to the fridge and grabing the container of wonderfully rich homemade fudge. I intend to leave the container in the fridge and only get one piece at a time, so I have to actually get off me arse in order to get another. For any further hints and tips on dieting and exercise, watch this space!

Now the answer to the question all you fitness guru's want to know, YES I will be posting my fudge recipie soon.

Work is fantastic, although doubting my abilities of late but that is almost a given. I attended an armed defenders call out last night. Very exciting, I cannot tell you anything about it but hell was enough to make a little south island white girl shut up and take inventory of my life and realise I could be the luckiest gal in the world, but apparently us 'white' people think differently, or so I was told last night. Yep different world up here.

It has been one year since I joined the service and this weekend I am away all weekend learning some more skills. I cannot wait!....................nothing to do with leaving the children and domestic duties for a whole two nights and three days........................yahooooo......yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!........................................No really, nothing at all mmmmmphhhhhhhh

As luck would have it, my heart still beats, mouth still works and fingers can still plug a keyboard!

Yes, I know it has been some time but all is well with the world, I now have my computer back and as soon as I can log off from Trade Me(I had severe withdrawls!) I shall be blogging back on a more regular basis.

So stay tuned for some hints and tips on how to be on the bones of your arse and remain there! How to lead an almost normal life with children and not resort to tying them to the clothes line!
One million sausage meat uses and how best to stash a bottle of gin around the house(Nana taught me that one)
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