Now you know me gals, not usually afraid to shove bad things in my mouth, cream doughnuts, ginger slice, blue cheese, bacon..........mmmmmmm bacon god I love bacon ANYWAY...............................................
When I last wrote to you I may have missed something out! When the wheels fell off and all hope was lost, I went to the doctor. Oh, words cannot clearly explain to you how mortified I was going to the doctor to air what I considered 'Dirty laundry' Of course at the time it added my distaste for CH as it was because of HIM!
I was worried I was depressed.
I also did not accept that. I have been there and this was not the same.
The thing with me as like all of you wonderful Mums out there, an unbroken sleep is rare. For me it is impossible and has been that way for over twelve years or more and I normally survive on more or less then 3-4 hours a night. I just cannot fall asleep with ease. I have always looked at this as a gift as it allowed my so much more reading, thinking and letting my imaginings fly! Thats way I have so many projects on the go at once!
Over the last year it has been a complete curse. Worrying about everything, twenty different thoughts each with new things to worry about in every case scenario that could go with it. It became normal and I could easily not sleep a whole night and still go to work the next day and feel the same. No extra tiredness as I was just exausted all the time. Anxiety, it was crazy!
My friendly doctor wanted to prescibe a course of anti-depressants. I asked for a raincheck but asked for sleeping pills and WOW what a difference. For the first week it was no change, just relief not to have things in my head. I felt just the same with seven hours unbroken snoring as I did with one. This week is amazing, I am tired still but my giggle is back and I am now laughing my arse off at TV programmes, something I never even realised had gone. Emotions, I am now back to nearly crying at every thing that pulls on the heart strings, sad stories, crappy ads, you name it! OF COURSE NO ONE SEES! I have not completely changed! I have energy to do exercise in fact today is the first day I have had a rest day this week.
Today was great, I organised a suprise morning tea for all the wonderful ladies at Mainly Music to celebrate 10 years of being in our community and I just love them. Yeah more cupcakes What a fantastic morning the girls were amazing when I asked my eldest what the highlight of her day was apart from the food, I thought she would say dancing of friends or wearing dress ups but no it was when she accidently let her helium balloon go and floated away to the clear blue sky, she was mesmorised. I think she might be just like me and every action can be turned into a magical imagining.
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