It is times like this, that I am truly envious of those who have religious conviction. Faith and the ever conquering comfort of their lord Jesus Christ. Do not get me wrong I am no atheist, I guess I am not willing to lend my life solely to something I have no control over. Gone off topic again.
The reason I am blogging tonight, I have just stayed up to finish my last Christmas wrappings and cards and had the misfortune to catch the late news. Murder, children kidnapped, riots, traumatic events. It has put me in a unsuitable frame of mind for slumber.
When I was first pregnant I could not bear to watch the news as I would have floods of tears running down my face for almost the entirety of the bulletins. Blooming up and down emotions. I was hoping with the birth those uncontollable emotions would wane.
No such luck, although my eyes no longer leak(much), I still feel utter dispair with such amazing empathy to those I am hearing about, I am tired. I am anxious. I am fearful. I am worried.
Being very much a beginner parent, I have much to learn. I only hope with time I will get better and more relaxed about lifes eventualities when it comes to our daughter or at least get better at hiding my anxiety. I have never been fretful. This is not a quality I wish to nurture.
I wish I could take comfort in my God. Relax and put my life in his hands. It would be so blissful. Oh well for now I will just breathe. I hope CH or Ella wakes soon as I need a hug. I may have to 'accidently' poke one of them.
I am also finding my programme Six feet under a bit heavy going at the moment. I cannot work out if it is just my silly emotions ruining my love of dark comedies or is Six Feet Under biting a bit?
3 comments:
It's not you hun, well, it is you, but then it's me too and I guess every other parent (well, the good ones) too! I also thought it would stop with the end of my pregnancy, but you know me, a good telecom ad can still set me off! and yesterday a Christmas Carol had much the same effect... oh well. Any yeah you're right, six feet under is tough going this time.
desert flower, you shocker! Sympathy sex works huh?
My kingdom for a coffee with the both of you!
I just happened upon your blog and I read the first paragraph. I've never made a comment to someone's blog before, but i feel that I should because it appears that you are in need of having peace in your life. I'm in my 40's, married, and have 3 children. Being one who like to be in control of situations, I understand your dilemma about not willing to lend your life solely to something you have no control over. Life has not turned out the way I expected or wanted. However, I would never have made it if it were not for putting my faith and trust in the person of the Lord Jesus Christ. I just want to encourage to go ahead and take that step and call upon the Lord Jesus Christ. He is my Comfort and my Peace. It sounds so trite, but it is so true. And the best thing is that I don't have to rely upon my own resources (energy, wisdom, money, etc.) to make it through life. Call upon the name of the Lord and you will be saved. He knows your heart. Give Him your life and He will meet you where you are. He takes us where we are and then moves us to be closer to Him as we continue to trust and love Him. He first loved us.
I hope this is not preachy - I don't want any of this to come across like I have all the answers and everything is perfect. Look at it like this - I'm just one beggar telling another beggar where to get Bread.
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