Happy bithday to moi

Tis true, yesterday was my 33rd birthday. What a fabulous day, I awoke to have an early brekkie with friends, dropped BOTH kids into care and went to have a girly coffee and shopping session with one of my favourite gal pals then off to the salon with my eldest daughter then off out to dinner and a movie with CH. All this and I got an amazing present from CH.

I have decided I am sick of our boring white flatware and now wanting mis matched, well choosen, pretty pieces of China and CH choose an absolute cracker from the 1930's. I would never have choosen it myself and he paid an absolute fortune for it, I could not believe it and had to bite my tongue but it is JUST lovely. Bless his cotton socks he was so worried it was not to my taste.

So as I am a very new collector, should you see a lovely tea cup set in an op shop think of me and I will lovingly add it to my collection. In fact that is a fabulous idea to have a dinner set made entirely of individual pieces choosen by your nearest and dearest!

Right off on yet another weekend away on my course, what a lucky girl I am!

Christmas 08

I feel a little sad you all missed out on my Christmas but you can be sure it was lavish, traditional with completely over the top decorations, but here is one of my cakes

Gotta love small communities

Yeaterday we finally thought we may have found a cheap rental place that we could make our own. The landlords were lovely, the street was nice and quiet and my work was just over the back fence and not to mention loads of room for a vege garden, sandpit for the cat to crap in and the landlords wanted to put new carpet and paint the place for us. We were rapt. I did however notice the neighbours. I enquired what they were like to the current tennants and she said they did not bother her. I should have got an inkling when looking through the place with the Adolf Hitler wall clock and various swords, guns and a crossbow or two in the wardrobe. In my mind we were living in the place already.

CH went back to work and said we had finally found a suitable place. He said the street and was was asked "What number" 20 CH replied. It was then that we found out that number 22 was the local tinny house. Thats not all, that night I went to work and told this same story and Sally turned to me and said "Not the big white place down the end?" Yes that was the one, as it turned out her friend used to live there and had dreadful problems with the neighbours just coming in and taking what they wanted!

Dodged a bullet there! Cursed recession, Whaaaaaaaaa I want to stay in plesantville.

Please Please Please all go out there and buy Fisher and Paykel because if they go down so does CH. I cannot believe how much their share price has dropped. I still remember the heady heights of before the company split from their healthcare division. Fingers crossed

World Poultry shortage.......investigations lead to Whakatane

Tis true, I not long ago polished off approximately 12 chickens worth of honey soy chicken nibbles and swiftly followed them with a rather large portion, almost all of a cream and jam filled family sized chocolate log. Christ, I am grotesque!

Why is it when we realise we have pilled on the pies that we suddenly think it is a grand idea to feed ourselves even more arse widening food. More of the ole, christ I have done it now, what is another 13 cream doughnuts gonna do. GONNA DO!!!!!!!!!, ITS GONNA MAKE YOU FATTER THATS WHAT, YOU THICK AND DUMB TWAT.

Why could I have not had that same conversation with myself two hours ago, oh perhaps it was the shock of watching two turn of the century lesbians rooting each other with a large leather strap on dildo at 11.45am on UK TV! I kid you not, I nearly choked on my chicken! It was supposed to be a comedy, there were boobs, blow jobs, girl on girl and tranvestites aplenty. Certainly something to spice up your lunch time veiwing! The programme was called "Tipping the velvet" and perhaps not for the faint of heart!

Nature V's Nurture

Well this just pisses all over my big belief that we come into the world with our god given attributes and leave it basically the same. For there is no acconting in this world that can possibly work out how I developed my taste in clothing with my upbringing so it must be nature.......................................If that were true, surely wee Ella-raine would have come up with a better ensemble to start the day in!

Somebody roasting some pork?

I am trying really hard not to dwell on the fires in Australia as I feel so bloody helpless and terrible and with the weather being the way it is, I feel it mist be connected in some way and that keeps the tragedy firmly placed front of mind.

My natural reaction is wanting to go and help which has brought a few other issues to mind. As being part of the Emergency services we are often put in situations where we would normally fear to tread, but with human nature being the way it is, we do not hesitate to help others where we can. This at times could lead to making fatal decisions, but hell actually putting your life ahead of someone elses is much harder than it should be. I do not know what it is but I really struggle with it. I don't know, religious upbringing? low self worth? overly frickin polite! I have no idea and truly hope that if one day faced with a choice to perhaps die treating another or leaving them to save my own skin, I hope I can have the strength to make latter as I need to take grand children to Africa!

I do have an interesting thought pattern though and do you know what really scares me?
You fricken arsonists, jacking yourself off to your flammed and charred remains buffet. It is going to take much to top this one and I bet you pricks are gonna try and god willing it is not some blooming kiwi trying to out do the bloody Aussies at something for a change!

Feeling Hot Hot Hot

It is amazingly hot and humid here. 21:10 and the air is like breathing in a steam room, yesterday morning I spent sitting on our back deck in my nightie in the pouring rain and all around me was low fog like cloud. It was one of those special moments were you are wearing a foolish grin and wanting to dance amongst the daisy's.

Today however I had had enough. CH and I had a date today, Eight hours with just each other for company. We decided to play golf together and luckily we know the golf pro so he gave us a golf cart to go aroung the course in. I loved the golf up until around the 12th hole when I completely had enough of smacking the hell out of the ball only to have it skim the surface of the grass and go about 40 meters. I even have blisters and a neck injury! The best bit was the golf cart................................I intend to never go around a course without one as they are the coolest ride, I was giggling my way around, trying to run over Jase, running into bushes on his side of the cart when he gave me shit, hooning over all terrain and realising my bra is not as supportive as I would have liked(CH quickly there with hands outstretched to help me out with that one, who says he is not supportive!)

We very rarely get time alone, so when we are faced with the prospect of it, it is fairly daunting. I reckon we need about three days together to fully enjoy each other as with our action packed morning and being two unfit fat bastards in tropical weather we both felt terrible and craved BK and then promptly went home and watched a DVD and fell asleep!What party animals! The DVD was great by the way, Charlie Wilson's War with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts

Poppy's Cake

Since you have missed out on so much of our life I thought I would update you now and then on what you missed out on and in this particular version it is my unashamed gloating of my cake prowess

I have just realise I have absolutely no proof of the fabulous summer we have had as I have no photo's! Here is my latest one of the girls(mine are the pink and blue fairy's) and this was taken before Christmas when they put on a show. Here is another one of me taken before Christmas and believe it or not but I was much slimmer then!

Yes the ole diet has not really taken off but the thought is there. I did not go walking yesterday as I was so knackered from my weekend away on my course(valid excuse I thought) today?....well it was the shock of how dark it was at half six this morn! Blimey it was a shock to the system as I have been sort of looking forward to having some cooler days and perhaps having more time indoors but the reality of this morning's darkness pushed all those thoughts away and now I really want to hold on to summer.

However I am not quite finished with summer yet as we are going camping.

CAMPING! I know! a bit shocking for me. I remember long long ago, in a land without children, we decided that every year we would get some camping gear..................we forgot about it and still only have that first purchase........ one torch(which we cannot find) and a airbed(with no pump) now the last weekend in feb will be interesting.

Blimey can you believe it is the month of Feb already?

Here I am fast approaching my 33rd birthday and completely chasing my arse.

My life is nothing short of hectic at the moment as I am smack in the middle of my Ambulance Diploma, finding it hard to find the time to do the course work and study as well as continue to do a shift at work and continue on life normality as a Domestic Goddess while trying to fit in time for my friends.

At least while I toil at the very minimum I look hot. Perhaps not Jennifer Anniston hot at 40, but a little more chic/rock chick as I am sporting a lesbian short, Macleans white spiky hair do. I decided to do something quite dramatic once I lost all that weight in October. In my usual fashion, Christmas hit halfway through November and now we are in Feb and I am back to the same weight. However I have a plan, just hatched it.......tonight instead of going to the fridge and grabing the container of wonderfully rich homemade fudge. I intend to leave the container in the fridge and only get one piece at a time, so I have to actually get off me arse in order to get another. For any further hints and tips on dieting and exercise, watch this space!

Now the answer to the question all you fitness guru's want to know, YES I will be posting my fudge recipie soon.

Work is fantastic, although doubting my abilities of late but that is almost a given. I attended an armed defenders call out last night. Very exciting, I cannot tell you anything about it but hell was enough to make a little south island white girl shut up and take inventory of my life and realise I could be the luckiest gal in the world, but apparently us 'white' people think differently, or so I was told last night. Yep different world up here.

It has been one year since I joined the service and this weekend I am away all weekend learning some more skills. I cannot wait!....................nothing to do with leaving the children and domestic duties for a whole two nights and three days........................yahooooo......yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!........................................No really, nothing at all mmmmmphhhhhhhh

As luck would have it, my heart still beats, mouth still works and fingers can still plug a keyboard!

Yes, I know it has been some time but all is well with the world, I now have my computer back and as soon as I can log off from Trade Me(I had severe withdrawls!) I shall be blogging back on a more regular basis.

So stay tuned for some hints and tips on how to be on the bones of your arse and remain there! How to lead an almost normal life with children and not resort to tying them to the clothes line!
One million sausage meat uses and how best to stash a bottle of gin around the house(Nana taught me that one)
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Just a quickie,
Yes I made it well and truly through to seven nearly eight days on the diet and wow looking back it was a really hard slog, days just seem to drag for weeks. I am in day 2 of my going off the diet and I have really made a mistake and did not ease back into eating as I should have and I encourage anyone who will do the detox to take the time as your body deserves it.

How am I feeling? Empowered and really proud I could do the detox. I have a load more energy and people keep commenting on how great my skin looks. Weight loss? Who really knows as my scales are so bad that if you move them slightly around the weight really changes so of a morning I would normally move them around the bathroom until I found a happy spot. As luck would go one day after I stop detoxing and start eating I managed to catch the cold that did the round of my house last week. Should I have stopped?

Day seven!

Wow made it to here,

Doing well but blooming hungry still and cannot wait for som food, I think I will end it tomorrow. I am feeling really good. Sat night was a challenge as I had to make treats like sausage rolls for CH's poker night and yesterday he nearly lost an eye over making a Bacon Buttie WHO THE HELL WOULD FRY AND EAT BACON IN FRONT OF A STARVING WOMAN! kamakaze behaviour if you ask me.

My spuddies are up and the cows did not completely ruin the garden so I am a happy girl. The soil has a bit too much clay in it for my liking but we shall see how it goes.

Work tonight. Yehaa

Busy Busy week, but the most exciting is it is time to make my chistmas cakes! So exciting!

Wow Day 5

What a day today was. This morning 5am, put my blooming neck out, the pain was so severe that I could not move it or get to sleep again. CH, bless his cotton socks was most wonderful trying to massage my neck to get it working again while very nearly falling asleep on the job.

7am up and about as I was picking a girlfriend up at 7:30 to go for one hour walk. I was a bit nervous given I am on detox and unsure of energy levels, my neck hurt and there was no way I was putting horrid pain killers in this sacred temple and finally, my arse...........it cannot be trusted to expel wind without a toilet, let alone going for a walk without a toilet.

I also forgot to take toilet paper.

We started our walk, fabulous day up over a mountain with a track that hugged the sea views, the sun was really intense and the smell of the sea and warming sand and clay was just lovely.
Nope still no toilet.

We came across a sign on the track to show our progress and as we had already been going for half and hour, I was very suprised to see 2hrs30min remaining. "YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING?" I spat. As the walk was sold to me as a one hour package but the old bag had screwed with the truth to get us all doing it. Well I could have gone back. Instead I put my big girls pants on and got on as it really was a fabulous day and heck I was childless.

We got within 30min of our destination, awaiting water bottles and a blessed car, when the track just disappeared into the sea. We could see it pick up again on the far side of the bay.

Option 1. We could walk back the way we came.

Now as I was already late as CH knew the walk was to take one hour. I knew he would worry because of my neck and detox. Yep.....you guessed it......no cell coverage.

Option 2. Climb the rocks and cliffs around.

So we did and apart from my blooming sore neck and bitter refusal to leave my water bottle behind it was quite fun. We were walking through and being drenched by the high tide so we took our shoes off and WOW how soft are my feet! It ws blooming painful the sharp rock and shell not to mention we had to judge the waves before we moved and because I was unable to turn my head around, the sound of the waves coming was enough to make you MOVE up that bloody cliff. It is amazing how when you are robbed of one of you sensors how the others just intensify.

But we made it and yes CH was worried and abit pissed at me. Oh well.

BUT the greatest thing was My detox, I still have boundless energy! How cool is that.

Still would really like food. I still have no hunger but just a need for taste. Blasted Jase is having a poker night tonight and I had to get some 'Manfood' What I would have done to have chewed on a Pretzel, and I dislike them. Next I am cooking some sausage rolls....................this may actually kill me.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh tonight one of our neighbours had a BBQ three or four houses away and I swear to you I could smell every individual component of their meal. I said to Jase and one point that they had just put some honey soy chicken pieces on and WHO WOULD DO THAT, SUCH A MESS! and sure enough once they had cooked the teriyaki steak the smell of burning caramel filled the air.

Ideal Christmas Present for the grandparents

A sign in Opotiki!

Day four ALREADY!

Actually slightly more if I think back to my last meal at 6pm Monday!!!!

How am I feeling, really quite good. No more headache, no hunger, still wanting some comfort food and OH MY GOSH I never ever realised how many fast food advertisements were on the telly! YES I STILL WANT THEM.

Salt water not even tough now, I could slurp up 2lts no problem(but I wont)

Downfalls, pimples on my back and much more emotional than usual. A jumped up little cock really upset me at work and all I could do was turn red and try really hard not to cry, rather than ripping him a new arsehole. The worst of it was I was so worked up and I could not let go that it was all I thought about all night so I now have a sore neck and shoulders from the stress. However I got up and did a vitality Pilates work out and feeling much better. Still wanting revenge however.

Hey all those who know me will know this to be truly odd BUT yesterday Jason was gone by 6am in the morning and usually I would love this and take the opportunity to sleep in BUT within 10 minutes of his leaving I was jogging around our postage sized back lawn! I KNOW! ME!

Day two

Here we are, still not hungry but wanting to have a snack just for something to do.

My salt water drink this morning was hard but I put less salt in and it was easier to drink and still had the same result.

I have a slight frontal lobe headache but apart from that all is well, there is a terrible taste in my mouth however that does not seem to vanish when I brush my teeth.

Mood? Great, perhaps a little frayed by horrid children but still studying well with a great positive outlook.

Yahoo 24 hours!

Well I made it tho the 27 hour point with no food and all limbs intact.

I have about one more small glass of my lemon concoction and a laxative teabag to drink before bed.

How am I feeling?
Actually pretty good.
No hunger pangs or stomach pains.
Yes I am starting to get a little hungry but really no different than an hour after food normally!
I have a slight headache but that could be staring for hours at a online course
I am a little cold, particulary my feet but all of this could be caused by the fact I worked nightshift last night and did not have my Nana nap this arvo.

Just reading now about other side effects and one was a foul smelling vaginal discharge! Jase cannot wait for that one and anyway just how do toxins get up my holiest of holies!

The Crew

Here are the gals with their mates on a lovely day in Opotiki, sharing swings, eating fresh berry ice cream out of our own ice cream van and playing all day.

I love our road signs!

Just outside of Whakatane on the way to Opotiki!