I am Detoxing

Well it is here and I started on my lemon detox diet today.

Thus far it is going well except this constant nagging about eating something, not because I am hungry because I assure you I am surprisingly not. It is just the fact I have chosen to do this detox and my bad ass alter ego wants me to fail. That whole cartoon imagery with a little me on either shoulder, one in leather thong and fishnets and the other is in a Choir outfit. That is EXACTLY how I feel. It's a little bit like I have multiple personalities because as much as I am looking forward to the challenge and really want the results the other is telling me to lick the top of the yogurt when I open it for my Children or scoff a biccie before my eyes see it.........BE GONE YOU VENOMOUS WITCH, YES, YOU! IN THE FISHNETS WITH YOUR MUFFIN SPILLING OVER THE TOP.......OF ALL PEOPLE YOU SHOULD BE IN LINE WITH THIS! NO MIRRORS IN EVIL CONSCIENCE LAND!

This morning was terrible and the only bit about the whole diet I was scared of came true with much more horrific clarity than I could have imagined. Drinking warm salty water. Honestly it would be easier drinking a big cupful of some strangers freshly wanked sperm. That is how bad it is.

It is not natural to drink warm salty water, even less natural for it to be a whole darn litre! I just could not do it. I had really convinced myself than it would not be as bad, but upon first mouthful I my eyes watered and I fought desperately not to vomit. I managed about 800mls and that was it. I tried everything, little sips, hold your nose but since the tongue just absorbs salt there is no fooling it, in the end I had to sneak up on the glass while doing bits of house work and even then I was dry retching and had to be close to the sink.

Honestly I did not think it would work but within half an hour of being in my system the floodgates opened, no pain like laxatives just WHOOOSH. The leaflet said it was "effective" and they were not wrong.

Well next test of stamina is dinner time!