This week I shall be mostly eating Toffee apples. Man I love them at the moment.

As it turns out this week is actually much better than the previous one. I appear to be intact mentally and physically(well using the latter very loosely) Ella of course has chosen this week to be a complete Pratt, using all manner of newly acquired and very accomplished Mummy torture to make my day a little more interesting. Her efforts thus far have been so conniving it takes all my strength not to admire or at least giggle my arse off. Obviously it would be bad parenting to giggle not to mention the mess I would leave on the carpet..........

Please out of courtesy restrict all funny happenings to the linoleum. Thankyou MANAGEMENT

Eighteen days to go until due date. Legs firmly crossed.

Well strap my mittens on with Duct tape

I have been wallowing a bit of late in both self pity and self doubt. Had a few days of the standard hormone bullocks, crying about everything, drowning in hoplessness, feeling like the most horrid and ghastly person, you know a real joy to be around.

Monday as luck would have it I awoke to look like I had sprayed myself with candy apple red and it itches like buggery. Very attractive, team that with nausea and what is more worrying a loss of appetite so I suspect someone up there is having a laugh. 'yeah lets make the fat woman itch where she cannot reach'

Apparently it is a pregancy rash but the are checking for something called 'Fatty liver' What a hideous name. Of course I would be bound to have a fatty liver as I have a fatty everything else, oh except my ears they are still in pristine prenatal condition.

CH is of course bored with the whole whingeing about everything, as he should be but I still tend to nail him to the wall over it. For the love of god, rub my back more than twice you bastard.
At the moment he could come home at the end of a day and I could say I had my toes filed off with a cheese grater and the standard answer would be "arhhhhh thats no good, whats for dinner'

Mind you there is no point being lavished in affection at present as I feel quite numb to the whole thing. I feel wound so tight and barely a moment passes that I have not had my brain going at an alarming rate thinking of twenty jobs and scenarios at once I feel like I have a pick a path book in my head. I just cannot relax and even getting a cuddle from CH feels horrible like I cannot afford to slow down and just let myself relax. Weird huh it is like I have tunnel vision or something.

However I did receive the most lovely bunch of flowers yesterday from a rather fabulous good friend, a complete suprise who put so much thought into what the flowers should be and people who know me well would know the signifigance of me receiving a bunch of flowers including Poppies and from a florist called ' The Pink Poppie'. What a lucky girl I am.

I am so not good at being pregnant. Touch all available wood that all will be well as I am not going down this path again.

Maternity Ward visit

Yesterday was the day that this whole birth thing compounded into reality. 9am yesterday morning we went to visit the hospital and see where to go and hopefully what is going to happen.

And ladies it is no St Georges. In fact the comfortable rooms are on par with the old Christchurch Womens labour suites. From all accounts the silver lining is the staff and really that is what you want over the Chocolate thick shakes, Menu dining and sky tv in every room......is'nt it?

However there is one we black cross to their name, I jokingly said that it does not matter what the decor is like as long is there a ready supply of Knicker popsicles(made life bearable last time!)

Of course the answer was 'Ah no, we no longer have a supplier'

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Perhaps some more cheese with that whine

You are friggin Joking Mr TV Three. You have completely pissed on my Friday evening fish and chips. How dare you re-schedule my mate Jack Bauer to a god awful late night time slot and replace it with a RE-RUN of an old House episode(However, I suspect this was a mistake as you really did mean a new series...................surely)

As you are all aware, I have been known to have a slight dependency problem on my long time friend the humble television. Now I guard this non chemical escapeisum with ferocious intentsity and for the love of god do not talk to me while me 'programme' is on! call it sad, boring or pathetic I call it my sanity preserver.

The bastards have deemed 24 not popular enough to dictate a prime time slot and have moved it to near middle of the night for a washed up mother 11.15pm on a Saturday night! If I wanted to stay up that late I would at least have the good manners to go out and have a crack at having a social life....................hmnnn I am sure I had one......perhaps I sold it on Trade Me with everything else.

I wonder if the obviously big brained Brad's at TV3 had ever considered the reason for a Number one show that has had stunning ratings in the rest of the world to appear completely bomb here............is..............Rugby...................friggin Rugby. CH actually enjoys 24 but would also not ever watch it over the ruggers for fear of growing breasts.

Now that the Rugby season is almost over, House(which I also enjoy) will receive higher ratings.
It is not rocket science.

You bastards not only was I not forewarned of 24's demise I had to put up with CH woefully slow channel surfing. Never fear the cooking chocolate took a beating again out of complete frustration.

Less than one month to go until my due date so I am trying to get as up to date as possible. I do not imagine that I will be able to do much blogging so here is the latest wee pic of Ella, pre sibling days. It was taken this weekend just gone at a party.

Had a horrid night last night, vomiting at 4am. Nothing serious, I just felt like I over ate and something had to give due to lack of room. Unfortunately, vomiting is quite powerful and with my lack of strength in pelvic floors............................ it was interesting times!

This is the last preggie photo you are likely to see as it was taken a few weeks ago before the huge exspansion, plus I am bending over so it looks like I have a small bump but in Reality my petit waist measures a whopping 112cm! I also have started to swell, joy

Wheels

Well it had to happen sooner or later, the wheels have not just fallen off but have busted beyond recognition, in fact they may even be square to match my big ole square hips.

I have reached that stage of everything attached to me hurts including CH. I am just finding him godamn painful. All completely unwarranted anf unfair but still firing looks of contempt as he so nimbly prances around all full of energy and freedom of movement, bastard.

To underline and highlight my huge arseness I have recently broken a fairly solid bed by doing nothing more than rolling over to avoid stinking, drooling, snoring alcoholic husband. I wish I could have told a more creative story involving me as a horny pregnant chick and hours of passion unleashed, but I really do think a pregnant lady who has a huge sex drive may indeed be one of those urban legends, sorry boys have I crushed the dream.

That horrid night was the last time we stayed at Jason's parents place and I vowed and declared it be the very last time we stayed overnight in that house. Oh rapture it looks like we are there this weekend.

This time I will double check on the packing of ear plugs. Just one of the things that stop my slumber at this house is in two words "Prostate Problems" yes ladies this is no joking matter, you know those pelvic floor lifts we are all crap at doing on a regular basis well men need to do them as well and CH's father should be the poster boy! The afore mentioned has difficulties at present(to say the least) which means he seems to take forever to take a piss with many stops and starts and sounds as though he is standing on a step ladder pissing from a great height, ten minutes is a quickie and it wakes the whole house. This occurs every couple of hours. I am not even going to talk about the spiders and pet hair that is everyhere, infact before I really rant I will just stop on the subject. As they are good people and I love them both.

I made the bassinette up today........................counting down.

Pimping Bubba's ride

Well I did it, completed earlier project of re-upholstering pram. Fabric and purchase now makes this a $40 pram. Bargain!

Words cannot possibly describe how hard I found said project as all I had was an idea and a can do attitude. When will I ever learn.

It took, nine hours SOLID and two sewing machines. This sewing session was longer than all my sewing experience in my whole life. Thus far I am fairly chuffed with the outcome, I now wish I had taken before and after photo's as you would have been amazed.

I also had a haircut today, most exciting. It is so lovely getting your hair done and today it looks great, tomorrow of course will be a different story.

It really is raining!!!!!

For some reason or another the connection I have with what is reality and what is in Domestic Goddess land seems to be little disjointed.

For the third morning in a row I have awoke expecting brilliant sunshine, even though I can hear the pitter patter of rain it is still a complete surprise and disappointment to rip back the curtains and have a dull day staring back at me.

I guess this week I have so many plans and the only thing I expected holding me back would be my huge belly and perhaps motivational issues........not poxy things I cannot change.

Thus far I have built a step off our patio, I miraculous feat considering I had nothing in which to build with and no intention of spending money. It took most of the day but is fairly sturdy and does the job.

My second project is progressing well. I bought a double pram from the Salvation Army for $20 and as you would expect needs much work. This perhaps might have been a easy job for someone who knows how to re-upholster. I cannot even sew, and had to follow a manual just to thread it, let me just say it has been a trying time. BUT have even made patterns......I am on FIRE. The lounge is a complete mess and I still have doubts in my ability to sew let alone getting it all back together(I hate puzzles) Oh dear. I am hoping I am not pulling myself but I want this one finished today.

Right I had best go as I made a promise to myself not to piss around on the internet as before you know it I would have not only wated time but bought something.

Oh I had a wonderful evening last night, CH cooked a lovely dinner complete with wine and dessert........almost a date! However it all had to end a little prematurely as after dinner I had massive Braxton Hicks, almost contraction like in pain, I thought it was all on. I then realised all this proclamation of wanting to get the whole labour over and done with was actually bullocks.

In fact, no hurry take your time. Please.