Ahhhh family

At what point do relatively normal females suddenly become smelly old women? I say this mostly tongue in cheek with only a sliver of actual fear. After all I once found it completely disgusting to wear anything other than little bits of lace with anal floss for knickers, at least all those watching our attempt at the America’s Cup will sleep easy knowing that if Team New Zealand drop a spinnaker they can knock on my door and borrow my undies.

I have just has my mother stay the week just gone and no disrespect intended BUT she smells. Now I am not talking about bad hygiene but they ability to drop the most silent and violent farts that I have ever smelt! To venture into the necessity room after one little visit from my mum took an act of courage or immense urgency, I swear to you that in that room there is a smell that would outlast digital television. A whole week of getting little powder puffs of arse vomit, I am truly blessed. I swear if she stayed for much longer, Ella's next sentence will soon be ‘Eugh…cough…choke..what the feck is that?!!!!!’

At least at times she did take the hint and farted outside of the vehicle but for the love of god they followed her in!

I have been thinking back from when I lived with my mum and I am sure she was not all that bad. Her diet certainly has not changed as she still enjoys the same god awful menu of boiled steak, boiled cabbage (with baking soda to ensure limp mush) and boiled spuds. I am sure she was not all that abrasive to my nostrils last visit so it must happened around the age of 65. From the smells of it, at that point your insides start rotting.

I think something similar seems to happen to Asian women. I see many young and beautiful women and dehydrated old crones not too many of the in between transition. Do they just go to sleep young and wake old and warty? Is there an ugly pill that gets handed out when the fail the ole boob pencil test? Do they hide? Where are they?

If you want to know where my Mum is just follow the stench.