Welcome Spring

Gosh I love living here!

Feminine charm

Over the years, you have all been with me as we have discovered how a woman is "enriched" with age and of the unimaginable things that have happened along the journey. Certain mysteries that are top of mind was discovering that you tripled your body gas ratio aftering bearing children or being shocked at that first "pale" hair on your bikini line! but of late I guess the biggest dissapointment was discovering that as women not all age gracefully and are just nasty buggers that know how to bully.

Behold! I have made a new discovery and that is, 'As we age we loose sensitivity!'. I of course have had an inkling of this as over the years more than truthful comments just roll off the tongue with ease, especially when aimed at CH! But more importantly we seem to loose sensitivity from our noses! Noses I tell you, not to be stuck in places unwanted BUT ever thought of the unwanted things stuck in your nose?

Two words that strike fear in the heart of all things feminine...............................................

VISABLE BOGIES!

Always been an unrational fear of mine. I was always very confident that I would never have snot gremlin hanging off the end of my nose in full view. No sireee, all systems checked and good to go, besides it was everyone else that that happened to NOT CAREFUL ME!

Twice now it has happened, washing my hands.........casual check in the mirror and holy feck I HAVE GROWN A NEW HEAD and it is sticking out my nose! How could I not know? Why has no one told me? Has this happened before? Can I ever go out again..........am I officially in my middle years?..........my lord do I have to start carrying a HANKIE!

just another one of life's little gems I guess, yep cannot wait until the next New discovery!

18 Weeks until Christmas!

How can yet another month go by and NO postings? Do you think I have all day to swan about drinking coffee and talking to you? Well I may just have had something more exciting to do. Perhaps.............. start an affair with the local Whittaker's Sales rep? or did I loose the ability to write when I lost my fingers in a dangerous cupcake manoeuvre? or was it as simple as taking a real long time in coming up with "who is first up against the wall" when I become Queen List? Yes, I am considering a hostile takeover of the Beehive, eating the current residents and then fobbing the rest off with the promise of faster broadband and cheaper electricity from magic sticks! John Key is currently topping the list, as an insignificant deknackered slimy pimple on the arse of democracy. Perhaps a little harsh, as I imagine it would be hard to make a decision with so many people's hands up your arse to make you do something! Perhaps I shall rename him 'Judy Key', although 'Punch Key' is what we need BUT in today's world we could not even have 'Smacking Key'!. Blimey, I cannot even begin to talk about this anti smacking referendum as the rules of time and space do not allow me to fully express my opinion.

Anyhoo as proof that I am indeed alive here is a pic of the girls and I on holiday in Ashvegus! and a lovely one of my sister and the girls. We had an amazing time and I am sure I will go into greater details later..................you poor buggers! For now I must go and ensure that CH is not hanging from the rafters somewhere on what could be the eve of both a Cricket and possible rugby defeat. Removing all the belts, cords and sharp implements NOW! Feck it I will just crack the top off a imported beer to distract him and make the pain go away! AND WHO SAID KIWI BLOKES ARE UNATTRACTIVE?

Five Brilliant women the photo was titled, could not have been put a better way

Monday starts the new week with many positive changes, stay tuned as this time I think it is going to work and it will be in part because of these wonderful women. May my unyeilding positivity inspire you all. I shall from this point be no longer be filling the void with cupcakes....................OK perhaps not this point in time as I have a party to do cup cakes for this weekend BUT from then...............................cup cakes, they not for me.

I think I have MAN flu!

It's true! I have been in bed for three days and at this very moment am having a good patch. All the classic man flu signs, vocal cords pitched to "whine", inability know what it is that would help me, Cos I DONT KNOW! so very week I cannot even pick up my my own snotty tissues, three days in bed and only changed PJ's under duress yesterday. I must be looking so attractive at the moment, this morning I awoke with a strange feeling as I must have been sleeping with my mouth open and tongue poking out as my mouth has never been so dry and my tongue had cracks in it! You should see my nose as it is a monument dedicated to Vasaline, a wide grinning strip of the shiny stuff plastered under my nose with just as much shoved up it to stop my nose from falling off. My whole body hurts, even my lungs and diaphragm. It has been such a long few day as I never ever thought I could get sick enough not to be able to read in bed! What a waste, three days of not being able to read, curse you bright light! Today I am much better and actually contempating a shower.

This swine flu has my knickers in a knot. I am a healthcare professional and still I am confused. But you know me and my arm could be falling off and I still would not go into A&E as 'it will be right and I would not want to bother them!' Our poor pops was effected the worst, terrible temperatures, shocking coughs, shortness of breath with poor air movement. Pops always coughs in winter, always has and no amount of normal or alternative medicine seems to help it. Her dad was like this as a child. I do worry for pops as her respiratory system is not very strong.

I just wish there was an easy way to spot swine flu, like toenails turning to trotters or unexplainable urgings to put a ring through your nose. Rather than "flu like symptoms" feck any day of the week I have half of them. I did however ring work and say I would not be in today and it god damn came close to killing me, I am such a goodie two shoes that I hate to call in sick even when it is real. Heart palpitations, nervous sweat and stuttering voice GOD I HATE IT!

Actually that is more than enough for me today, thinking of plucking my eyebrows next.......................that should take all day given what I saw looking back at me from the mirror thing morning. Or perhaps bed and sort the yeti out later!

Zopicolone, you blessed blue beauties

Now you know me gals, not usually afraid to shove bad things in my mouth, cream doughnuts, ginger slice, blue cheese, bacon..........mmmmmmm bacon god I love bacon ANYWAY...............................................

When I last wrote to you I may have missed something out! When the wheels fell off and all hope was lost, I went to the doctor. Oh, words cannot clearly explain to you how mortified I was going to the doctor to air what I considered 'Dirty laundry' Of course at the time it added my distaste for CH as it was because of HIM!

I was worried I was depressed.

I also did not accept that. I have been there and this was not the same.

The thing with me as like all of you wonderful Mums out there, an unbroken sleep is rare. For me it is impossible and has been that way for over twelve years or more and I normally survive on more or less then 3-4 hours a night. I just cannot fall asleep with ease. I have always looked at this as a gift as it allowed my so much more reading, thinking and letting my imaginings fly! Thats way I have so many projects on the go at once!

Over the last year it has been a complete curse. Worrying about everything, twenty different thoughts each with new things to worry about in every case scenario that could go with it. It became normal and I could easily not sleep a whole night and still go to work the next day and feel the same. No extra tiredness as I was just exausted all the time. Anxiety, it was crazy!

My friendly doctor wanted to prescibe a course of anti-depressants. I asked for a raincheck but asked for sleeping pills and WOW what a difference. For the first week it was no change, just relief not to have things in my head. I felt just the same with seven hours unbroken snoring as I did with one. This week is amazing, I am tired still but my giggle is back and I am now laughing my arse off at TV programmes, something I never even realised had gone. Emotions, I am now back to nearly crying at every thing that pulls on the heart strings, sad stories, crappy ads, you name it! OF COURSE NO ONE SEES! I have not completely changed! I have energy to do exercise in fact today is the first day I have had a rest day this week.

Today was great, I organised a suprise morning tea for all the wonderful ladies at Mainly Music to celebrate 10 years of being in our community and I just love them. Yeah more cupcakes What a fantastic morning the girls were amazing when I asked my eldest what the highlight of her day was apart from the food, I thought she would say dancing of friends or wearing dress ups but no it was when she accidently let her helium balloon go and floated away to the clear blue sky, she was mesmorised. I think she might be just like me and every action can be turned into a magical imagining.

The Wheel Turns

I may have been a bit quiet of late, in fact I have almost been non blogging for 10 months or more. Why, too much to say I guess and little I wanted any of you to know.

Filthy word divorce, used with other equally horrid descriptive words like failure, break up, break down, heart break, shame, devastation and so very much more. I have got the T shirt!

It has been so very tough but to alleviate your fears I can indeed confirm that we are still married with the intent of being forever. Well at least for now..............I always have to have options, yes! I am aware of the problem but you would be so happy sitting next to me in a sinking ship as I would have at least 10 way outs up my sleeve all extremely well thought out!

It was bad at one point CH had actually packed his bags and we were dividing up our meager possessions and wondering what could have gone so very wrong. Ten months of gut retching sadness and more tears than I could handle is not good for a domestic goddess. The worst part was the eating and hiding away and the "put on a smiley face" Christ my lipsticks got so bright I looked like a trannie!

We never know how we will react to a situation until we are in it. As you all know I am a fairly strong gal but I fell to pieces. A dull mosaic. That my friends pissed me off more!

Upon reflection I made many mistakes and my most pivotal one was telling no one in my close circle of friends about what was happening. I just continued with life normality, La la la, organising coffee groups, Christmas parties, fundraising and helping out whenever I could. I do not know why. I have the most amazing bunch of women in my life and any one of them would drop anything and come if I called.....................but I could'nt. It was not healthy.

I guess as with all those of you who have read my blog over the years and been there with me as I muddle through barely knowing me arse from me elbow in this whole parenting gig. This seems to be a whole new phase. It is kinda like birthing pain, no one tells you about it until it is over and then generally ignored as it never happened. It seems to me that we all know marriages takes work but how much work is generally ignored. I now feel confident in our decision to stay together but almost with equal confidence know it would be difficult to separate but achievable.(there I go again with the defence mechanism) It would just be like spending your life savings on booking a flight to Paris for a holiday and ending up in Rotorua.....................not quite where you thought you would end up but you would make the most of it while you were there.

I came clean to my girlfriends this week and I know they are hurt I could not confide but as the friends they are they hide that and support me anyway. I just love them. My advice to you all out there that should you embark on the journey I have just got back from it is long and dark and you need a friend to hold your hand so please do not make the same mistake. Also do not be suprised that you are having huge almost unsolvable problems in paradise as it appears to be much like saggy boobs after breast feeding, a bit ugly but quite normal!

Cup Cake Lesson

A Good cake doth not always make a Good cup cake!

I have learned this over the years and why oh why do I still have faith that all recipies will work?

This is Nigella's Clementine Cake, delightfully easy, normally lovely and both Dairy and Wheat free. What a winning cake. What a crap cup cake.

WHY?

Very solid mix and I had to cook the cupcakes for longer than normal which make the base over cooked and stuck.(perhaps you could bake in a bain marie to overcome)

The high moisture content completely ruined my beautiful paper cases and looked like I had soaked the vintage papers in a puddle. (eating them as soon as the were baked would help this one)

Itsy bitsy Cup Cakes

I made hundreds of these little fellows today. I think I can say I have finally cracked them! Filling up the little tiny cases can be touch and go at times and today I grabbed a funnel and a regular clean water bottle and filled it to the brim with cake batter, pit the lid on and then filled up my paper cases with ease and not a spill then popped the bottle back in the fidge between batches and as we speak there is a bottle of batter in my fridge left over to make in the next week with no hassle!

Also lets be honest about it, no matter how nice the cake mix is it is the icing I am interested in. I now put a couple of white choc chips in the batter so you have, squishy sponge, crunchy choc and creamy icing in every bite! Its good!

I blame the parents!

GEEZ, I had an absolutey shit weekend and in fact cried for most of it, for reason best unsaid BUT it is ok now and life goes on BUT do you want to know what really upset me the most?

My blooming unfeeling offsprings!

Here I was wanting comfort and tried to hide myself in the darkened bedroom, fully fetal position, with the hope I would be missed BUT On the few occasions my children bothered to come in the room they seemed not to notice my discomfort and only wanted feeding. To add further insult the only cuddle I could get was if I got between them and the TV so they could not see their programmes and they would snuggle in so they could look over my shoulder.

little buggers, just take my heart and use it for a potty while you are at it! Oi I gave birth to you blighters and someone mentioned something about unconditional love..........check your contract little ones and see how you go if I stop buying you favourite food and we do not have to have playhouse Disney................................oh I could never be so cruel

No more wine for moi

Ever had a hangover so bad that it hurts to fart? It is possible

Year of the Cock beware!

Well is this not weird,
Chinese year of the Chicken........Bird Flu
Chinese year of the horse............equine flu shuts down Aussie
Chinese year of the pig...............swine flu!
Next year?
Chinese year of the Cock................perhaps Men's penis will fall off or all dickheads/jerks will come down with a disese, either way I am OK with it!

That's all folks

Well that is it! No more weekends away, No more nights without children and no more meals uninterrupted and every night doomed to being awoken by any number of childhood beasts, wet beds, snoz huffling husband and sick kids.

Feck, I may as well end it all now, what an existence! Geez I am so bored. Bored of being skint, bored of being a lard arse and bored of being a house bitch!

What to do, What to do, What to do, What to do, What to do said the penguins…………….blimey even when I am far removed from having motherly thoughts those blasted mind raping children stories and songs constantly blare on my subconscious.

Being Skint, not too much I can do about that. Resorting to making a game out of it and seeing “How low can I go!” it the groceries for the week. Even resorting to removing light bulbs from rooms with too many! Should I get a job? Even that poses a problem as Jobs are so hard to come by and I could end up stacking shelves in a supermarket……………………could my ego handle that? Do I have to re train? As much as I love working on the back of an Ambo and learning all I am learning but in all reality the hours are never going to be family friendly and the politics are quite frightening.

Being a Lard arse, On to it and currently into day three of healthy eating and I have purchase two fitness Mags and looking forward to starting a new fitness regime next week. I have asked for CH’s support on this one as he never worries about the extra ten kilos and certainly we lead each other astray more often that not with alcohol and bad food.

Being a house bitch, Simple it has too be done but hell I resent it, gosh it makes me so bitter and sucks all my sense of humour away. I just need to think about it differently. Before I thought of it as my duty or job and well that breed contempt so my new plan is to think of it as exercise and try to put the pride back. As when we moved from Pleasant Ville to this cold old skody house, things went a little down hill as no matter how many times you clean old surfaces they just look shite!

Out of the mouth of babes

I have been nagging CH terribly of late, everything he does seems to wind me up and to add fuel to my fire look what happened last night.

Ella and Pop were playing Mummy's and Daddy's. Ella was the Mother and Pop was the Father. Ella of course was the one lugging all the babies and making all the decisions.

I asked Miss Ella, So what is it that Mummy's do? Ella replied with no hesitation "Oh they clean and do washing!" Hmmmn I said, still pissed with the fact I had been cleaning all day, feeling frazzled and then CH comes home and just has really happy giggling play time with my girls and they laughed more in five minutes with CH than with me all day........................sigh.

Then although I knew it a question doomed to make me feel shite, I asked Ella, So what is it Daddy's do? She just sighed and rolled her eyes , " oh you know they mostly watch rugby and drink beer!"

The lines of division drawn already.

I know, I know. I will not even bother to create some elaborate excuse for why I have not been here. It could of course be the fact I would have had nothing positive to say.

I came down with a sudden onset of melancholy about two weeks back and it still nags at me. Throughly disinterested in my homelife and began to eat packets of choc biccies like tic tacs. The scales reflect my gluttony....................hence the cackling scales broke when they FELL out of the window this morning.

It does seem to be catching however and I am surrounded by many brilliant woman from different backgrounds and even different circles of friends and many complain of the same thing at the moment. We all have great lives but feel shite! Perhaps enmasse winter blues? sounds plausible. We all are outdoor types and see the sun many times a day so it cannot be sunlight deprivation.

Anyhoo, I am off to Auckland this weekend for a girls weekend to say goodbye to one of my dearest friends who is off on a three year adventure gallavanting around the world. The horrible part was I have already said goodbye as I had a dream the other night when I said goodbye and I awoke a blubbering idiot...........................hopefully it will not be a re run. Big girls dont cry!

Upon my return I shall be back to fitness and no doubt I will bore you with the details then.

xxxxx

Blessed be the Mother's for within them we find strength

Quickest chocolate fix when the cupboards are bare!

5 Minute Chocolate cake in a mug!


4 Tablespoons Flour
4 Tablespoons Sugar
2 Tablespoons Cocoa
1 Egg
3 Tablespoons milk
3 Tablespoons Oil
3 Tablespoons Chocolate Chips
Small Splash Vanilla Essence
1 Large Coffee Cup


Add dry ingredients to mug, Mix Well
Add egg, Mix thoroughly
Pour in milk and oil, Mix well
Add chocolate chips and vanilla essence, Mix well
Microwave on high (1000 Watts) for 3 Mins
Cake may rise above mug – Don’t freak out
Allow to cool, tip into plate, Heap with icecream, cream or custard
Eat!!

Leave me alone kids unless you are bringing me a beer!

Why is it that on the very day we celebrate Motherhood is the very day that we do not actually want to be a Mother?

I have often thought of this and this year me and a group of gal pals made it happen. After a morning sleep in and the obligatory gushing of mushy thankyou's for crappy bits of scribbled paper posing as Mothers day cards I had a leisurely shower put on my glad rags, ditched the kids and met the girls for Brunch and Bubbles. What a hoot, we were the most rowdy table there pausing only to go to the toilet so much because we were giggling so much we nearly literally pissed ourselves laughing(bloody pelvic floor!) After we were kicked out of there, and we were asked to move along! Some of us hit the Quilt show(yes all my earlier blog fears confirmed) and then I went home, kissed and cuddled my children and went to bed for the afternoon to read a book undisturbed and got up only to eat a large portion of my favourite pudding, 'Sticky Date Pudding', loving made by CH.

What a lucky girl, I had a most wonderful day and I am and I fully encouraging all of you yummy Mummy's out there to do the same with your next Mothers Day.

Got a hankering for some moulied meat in gravy with a side of false teeth?

It has been happening for awhile now, creeping on slowly like the weight. Really it started long before children. I should have realized when that day five years ago that I no longer enjoyed wearing G strings and was going for a fuller brief that I was slowly turning into a Nana! The signs were there, suddenly enjoying watching 'simply quilts', scrapbooking, pickling or making anything into Jams or relish, learning to crochet, cake decorating, sewing, embroidery, for the love of god I NOW COLLECT TEA CUPS!!!!!!! and even more disturbing..............have bought a china cabinet to display them in! It is not ended there all you gal pals out there........Last Thursday night we went to a CHARTER CLUB! Yee gods I simply cannot believe it, if you had told me last year that I would seriously consider joining a charter club this year all you would have got in reply would have been a distasteful look.

I have long phoo phooed these places. Gummy grannies ordering their roast pork and supping on their sherry. Meat pack raffles aplenty, meals come served in a basket or a slab of meat covered in a packet sauce hidden under a mountain of chips. Formica low tables and the racing channel on the TV and a whole room of poker Machines. Sounds absolutely horrific. BUT, they have a kids room! You can go there, order and meal and a drink and let the kids go wild in their own room. It was the type of place that when all the drooling kids congregated around a lolly slot machine that one of the local patrons came over and shook it to try and robs sweets for them. Oh bless.

It was really great, I felt a little like James T kirk, boldly going where no young cool person has ever been before! We met five families there, all the kids sat at a huge table and all the adults sat at another, girls up one end, blokes at the other and had a great catch up. The food came out really fast, and was really good and not to mention cheap. We fed a family of four and all had a couple of drinks and all for $60. We have now decided that once a month we will do this as a group as we are finding life so busy of late that we cannot catch up often enough.

So there we have it, meta morph to Nana hood nearing completion. What can be next?

Not long now and my studies will be over and I can return to life normality. I have been so busy of late I barely have had time to keep up with the housework let alone actually be creative in any way. Once again I have reached the absolute pinnacle of my lardarseness and finally think I have the stength to do something about it. I have been doing exercise for three weeks now and I still hate it, completely not natural or enjoyable by any stretch of the imagination. However the one cool thing is that I finally think I have found a possible silver lining and that is THINKING TIME. Real quality thinking time, not the vacant thinking time that fills your head when you are doing chores and the days little foibles or the latest things that piss you off just replay in your head. But creative thinking time and ideas for stories and poems are just popping up randomly when once I thought them gone forever.

However good quality fabulous food is still top of mind and I think I have finally cracked the best choc chunk biccie recipie ever

Jody Choc Chunks

Ingredients:
1 cup of butter
3/4 cup white sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 1/4 cups plain white flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups of CHOCOLATE, roughly chopped I use three types Very dark, milk and white. Make sure there is a full selection of sizes of chunks as there biccies are great in the microwave to make the big chunks melt.....yummy.


Directions:1. Preheat the oven to 180°C. Grease an oven tray.2. Cream the butter , white and brown sugar until light and fluffy. Add the eggs into the mix one at a time, and then stir in vanilla. Combine the flour, baking soda and salt, then stir into creamed mixture.3. Fold in the chocolate chips. Place rounded spoonfuls onto the prepared baking tray.4. Bake until light brown, approximately 8 to 10 minutes. Let sit for 5 minutes and then transfer to rack to cool.

NOW DO NOT PANIC IF MIXTURE IS SLOPPY, YOU CAN ADD A LITTLE MORE FLOUR IF YOU DOUBT MUST BUT IT IS NORMAL. ENSURE YOU PLACE A GENEROUS BLOB(TECHNICAL TERM) OF MIXTURE ON THE TRAY AND IT WILL SPREAD OUT TO MAKE THE PERFECT BICCIE. ENSURE LOTS OF SPACE BETWEEN BICCIES.

I tend to make really large biccies as I do not piss around with the anorexic size, so I do only have 6-7 to a tray. Takes longer but more impresive.