Spots, temps and grumpy children

Bullocks to it all, firstly we were going Chrismas shopping in Nelson, then being visited by friends and then I was off out and about to my first adult outing in a couple of weeks and it happened. The little buggers are already teaming up on me.

I first thought Poppy was unwell as I noticed she had Oral thrush and of course now so does the milk factory. Problem solved relatively easily as I had delt with such things before. Unfortunately it of course did not explain a general distaste for everything and a temperature.

Then all became clear when Ella developed a heck of a rash and looks to have been attacked by a red felt pen. A virus apparently and now we are on a 'No Play' with children zone. Does that go for me too? I could easily hide from children today.

Here is a lovley eyes open shot of Miss Pops, credit for the gorgeous picture goes to Myself for growing her so perfectly and to Delwyn who captured a quick moment of relaxation by the popster!

Shock horror, Pops may have an outie!!!!!!! Could this child do anymore to upset her father!

Oh bless she knows how to wind him up, oh she does take after me!

biltong anyone?

Oh lordy it is worse than I expected.

I have a child that sleeps little, shreds breasts with a single suck and of course is bringing up my blood WHICH IS JUST WRONG, I am wearing breast pads that when removed take half my nipple with them, stitches which have just gone from sitting on barb wire to itchy as all hell. Not to mention a complete befuddled brain that reigns supreme(which left CH's wallet on roof of car..................................and amazingly found by a friends husband!)

I have just come through four days of being abandoned by CH for a Irish rock band (I am still sulking) Thankfully my best friend came to my rescue and baby sat me for the weekend, seriously I could not have coped any other way. I am still knackered as hell as the demands of a toddler weigh heavily and there is no sneaky rest during the day. Speaking of said toddler, poor little bugger is not really handling the transition to a two children family very well at all. She has always sucked her blankey upon sleeping, but blankey is now a firm friend that hangs around all day.

I am having some issues myself as I am really dog tired and trying hard to keep things the same for her, but it will never be the same. I am feeling guilt. I am sure it will pass but when one is a little emotional things do appear worse than perhaps they are.

Tomorrow is a new day but I must get through the night. Poppy is being Poppy and doing what the heck she likes, who knows what new and interesting way to torture her mother she has been dreaming up.

I am still amazed at the difference between my girls, I have no idea what I expected but by gosh there is almost no similarities, she is her own girl and that cannot be disputed. She already has so much attitude and spunk you could almost swear she has been here before.

Yes I am in love once again and it is true what they say about love multiplying and not dividing. I am flirting with the idea of going to my normal Tuesday coffee group tomorrow, shock horror. I may not go as I have a very smelly........................baby. I bet you are glad I said baby as I have been so frank in this blog that who knows what other little ditties I was going to pull out that you did not need to know. Yes, Poppy is going though the rancid belly button stage and it is so bad it could clear the room, mind you I am sure if I hid a hunk of dead meat in my belly button for eleven days, things would be more than a little savoury, biltong anyone?

Just a quickie

Time is a wasting and I have a power of Ham, custard squares, camembert, blue vein, seafood and various other deli treats to eat my way through.

As most of you will already know,

Poppy Neave Joy Langdon
was born on Thursday November 16th, 8:18pm, weighing in at 8lbs6oz.

She finally made it and most reluctantly I might add. Rapt that she is here and feeding hellishly well(she is brutal!!) She is calling the shots already but of course we knew she had no intention of ever doing anything else. Not much hair to speak of, huge hands and feet(CH has a thing about women with big hands and feet) lovely small head(best pleased) I am well and still have a sense of humour although not willing to laugh at present(Go the salt baths) But let it be said, NEVER, Ever doing it again!!

Ella is being fantastic, a complete and utter star.

Thank you for all of the kind wishes and flowers we have received, I will get to you all in time.

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Swaddling

I had great success on swaddling Ella and last week I was told by my mid wife swaddling was no longer endorsed due to a higher chance of cot death.

This really has pissed on my chips. Now we are damned if we do and damned if we dont.

What to do, what to do?

Are we there yet

7.42pm: After an afternoon of no contractions and a whining toddler I sought refuge with a rather lovely friend and regained some sanity. Well worth it.

Since then I have been working on a couple of wives tales to hopefully get things moving again, my last one was to eat a blow the roof off your mouth thai curry, smoke the bugger out. Thus far all that it has achieved is a hiccuping baby who may or may not have been shouting "Bring it on bitch, call that a curry, I have met sperm that have been hotter" as she stubs out a ciggarette on my cervix. Oh apparently it is not unusual to have a show weeks before delivery.......sigh

Round 176 to baby, Mummy 0

Ok child of mine, show some compassion and since you have been pissing about all day, hold off until tomorrow as it is your Nana's birthday and she will be chuffed.

Feck

Oh my friggin gosh, can this child do any more to upset the apple cart?

This morning 4am I had a show, 45mins later contractions where seven mins apart.
By ten thirty the buggers had stopped!!! Mo fo

Not best pleased.

Movember

Can anyone see any possible reason why my strongly anticipated baby, may indeed be staying in the plush accomodations she is currently used to?

Would you leave the house if that was waiting for you?

Monday Monday

Today is Monday.
Monday, baking day and the start of the working week, awfully close to fish and chip Friday......

Well the good news is baby has moved to nearly the right position, but knowing this child I really think she is most likely fecking with me, I bet she will come out with a huge grin, teeth and a tattoo.

Come Thursday 9am I am having something called a stretch and scrape. Personally I think they should some significant rebranding as that name does not exactly conjure images of happy times, perhaps, cervix massage and throw in a few scented candles and a box of choc......Marvelous, how do I book in?

I have been thinking this week that Ella is being amazing, and she really knows what babies are now. However this week everytime she dropped something or did something naughty she would say bubba. At first I thought it very advanced to already be placing blame upon a sibling that is not here yet.

Twas not bubba she was saying, Twas bugger! time to rethink the ole vocab.

The Elephantine Cometh

To your left you will see a rather lovely photo of the most happy wee girl and may I draw attention to the right and you will see my rather large protrusion.

Less than a week to go and I am really feeling it. Beneath the ocean of green lies the more stretch marks than skin it looks more like a reptilian pattern that skin stretched beyond recognition.


I have not cracked the tonne as of yet and am beginning to doubt that I will get there(thankfully) Mind you if my clubed feet continue to swell like Mitchelin Man I could be in with a chance.

It is weird and although I am feeling the weight of Pregnancy with every breath I really do not feel like I will have a baby soon. I guess I have finally got used to the bump and cannot imagine anything else.

I do remember once Ella was born a feeling of being alone and a little lost as although I could kiss and cuddle a real living baby, I missed having her in my tummy.

CH is still working all the hours god gives him and as you can imagine I am not best pleased. But you can hardly fault a fantastic work ethic and commitment to loyalty especially when it is a quality I tend to require in a person. But feck it........................me me me me me me, just for once.

Ok I am over it. It must be the vast amounts of delicious Raspberry leaf tea I am consuming chilling me out. Vile hateful stuff. I guess if I was a tea drinker the taste would be more palatable. Who knows if the tea does as it claims but I am willing to take the placebo effect, I will say this however, It has completely stopped my gums bleeding(yet another glam pregnancy issue....sigh) SO I do have hope.

Righto best go as I have to traul the internet for thoughtful unique presents........................!!!!!

Why?

Why has my blog got this huge gap at the top? Any ideas?

Ahoy ya lard arsed scrubber!

To the best of my knowledge I have never been called a scrubber but I am fast discovering I make a darn good one. You are reading the blog of possibly the cleanest hand scrubbed floor in the land.

Once again my theory of procreation to be the vessel in which a bunch of marketing guys got together and oversold to women few things to make getting their wicked way heaps easier.
We are suckers.

Lie number 1.
Nine months Gestation, since when is fourty weeks nine months!

Lie number 2
Morning Sickness, surely this implies you should be sick in the morning, more accurately perhaps we should rename 24 hour, four month sickness. Not quite the easy sell now huh

Lie number 3.
Women are horny during the pregnancy. I have only met one ever.

Lie number 4.
Drinking harms your unborn child. Perhaps very true but now those marketing men have sober drivers and more beer money on tap so to speak.

Lie number 5.
All these foods like camembert, seafood, trifle, sushi, cream buns, ham....you cannot eat. All luxury yummy items destined to make wallets lighter and arses fatter. How convenient we cannot have them.

Lie number 6.
No hot baths or spas. Yep zero relaxing time

Look I could go on but here is a couple of last points

Scrubbing floors, upon hands and knees helps baby move!!!!! bastards just want the floor cleaned properly and have an excuse that it helps baby if we do it.

Exercises on hands and knees to help baby move, just last night CH said perhaps he could offer some assistance by standing behind me in such a position! and perhaps while he was there......

Sex brings on labour..........oh but it will help you out dear..........and it must be quick so not to take a chance on hurting baby.........for baby's sake of course.

Outstanding!

Cracker, marvelous, Corker, Ace, Terrific, Well done!

buggery crap filled fecking bullocks.

Ten days until my due date and the little bundle of joy has turned completely the wrong way, I guess who can blame the LITTLE CHERUB for being in the right position for some months now, it was bound to be a bit boring so adding yet another level of difficulty to the mix.

I have always said I have a real good take on the personality of our next wee baby, not much of it complimentary as I am well sure she has bags of personality and will be born knowing all the tricks rather than learning them. For most of the pregnancy I have predicted going overdue, going into labour when Jason is away and ending with an emergency C-section.

It is actually getting quite laughable now as we have climbed many obstacles on our journey to having this baby, luckily none of them life threatening but in essence none of them easy and without a word of a lie the longest nine months in my life. I am sure those who have been with me on this blog journey have sensed my frustrations, so very subtle of course....(still capable of self delusion)

It is still far from over and I know the road will have a few more bumps. I know the strain will be tough until we have sorted out just how to operate two children. I realise It will be tough on our marriage and friendship. I must remind myself to tell CH that regardless of what may or may not fall out of my mouth over the next couple of months, that I still love him.

Contrary to how pissed I am with this latest development, it matters none. I just cannot wait to welcome her into our family and I also cannot wait until I have been to the toilet the first time after labour. Who can forget that little experience.

So I am off to scrub the floor upon hands and knees to encourage baby to move the right way around. You gotta admit she has got some back bone pissing me off, oh well I am up for a challenge. So I shall sign off, 117cm girth and still in one piece.

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This week I shall be mostly eating Toffee apples. Man I love them at the moment.

As it turns out this week is actually much better than the previous one. I appear to be intact mentally and physically(well using the latter very loosely) Ella of course has chosen this week to be a complete Pratt, using all manner of newly acquired and very accomplished Mummy torture to make my day a little more interesting. Her efforts thus far have been so conniving it takes all my strength not to admire or at least giggle my arse off. Obviously it would be bad parenting to giggle not to mention the mess I would leave on the carpet..........

Please out of courtesy restrict all funny happenings to the linoleum. Thankyou MANAGEMENT

Eighteen days to go until due date. Legs firmly crossed.

Well strap my mittens on with Duct tape

I have been wallowing a bit of late in both self pity and self doubt. Had a few days of the standard hormone bullocks, crying about everything, drowning in hoplessness, feeling like the most horrid and ghastly person, you know a real joy to be around.

Monday as luck would have it I awoke to look like I had sprayed myself with candy apple red and it itches like buggery. Very attractive, team that with nausea and what is more worrying a loss of appetite so I suspect someone up there is having a laugh. 'yeah lets make the fat woman itch where she cannot reach'

Apparently it is a pregancy rash but the are checking for something called 'Fatty liver' What a hideous name. Of course I would be bound to have a fatty liver as I have a fatty everything else, oh except my ears they are still in pristine prenatal condition.

CH is of course bored with the whole whingeing about everything, as he should be but I still tend to nail him to the wall over it. For the love of god, rub my back more than twice you bastard.
At the moment he could come home at the end of a day and I could say I had my toes filed off with a cheese grater and the standard answer would be "arhhhhh thats no good, whats for dinner'

Mind you there is no point being lavished in affection at present as I feel quite numb to the whole thing. I feel wound so tight and barely a moment passes that I have not had my brain going at an alarming rate thinking of twenty jobs and scenarios at once I feel like I have a pick a path book in my head. I just cannot relax and even getting a cuddle from CH feels horrible like I cannot afford to slow down and just let myself relax. Weird huh it is like I have tunnel vision or something.

However I did receive the most lovely bunch of flowers yesterday from a rather fabulous good friend, a complete suprise who put so much thought into what the flowers should be and people who know me well would know the signifigance of me receiving a bunch of flowers including Poppies and from a florist called ' The Pink Poppie'. What a lucky girl I am.

I am so not good at being pregnant. Touch all available wood that all will be well as I am not going down this path again.

Maternity Ward visit

Yesterday was the day that this whole birth thing compounded into reality. 9am yesterday morning we went to visit the hospital and see where to go and hopefully what is going to happen.

And ladies it is no St Georges. In fact the comfortable rooms are on par with the old Christchurch Womens labour suites. From all accounts the silver lining is the staff and really that is what you want over the Chocolate thick shakes, Menu dining and sky tv in every room......is'nt it?

However there is one we black cross to their name, I jokingly said that it does not matter what the decor is like as long is there a ready supply of Knicker popsicles(made life bearable last time!)

Of course the answer was 'Ah no, we no longer have a supplier'

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Perhaps some more cheese with that whine

You are friggin Joking Mr TV Three. You have completely pissed on my Friday evening fish and chips. How dare you re-schedule my mate Jack Bauer to a god awful late night time slot and replace it with a RE-RUN of an old House episode(However, I suspect this was a mistake as you really did mean a new series...................surely)

As you are all aware, I have been known to have a slight dependency problem on my long time friend the humble television. Now I guard this non chemical escapeisum with ferocious intentsity and for the love of god do not talk to me while me 'programme' is on! call it sad, boring or pathetic I call it my sanity preserver.

The bastards have deemed 24 not popular enough to dictate a prime time slot and have moved it to near middle of the night for a washed up mother 11.15pm on a Saturday night! If I wanted to stay up that late I would at least have the good manners to go out and have a crack at having a social life....................hmnnn I am sure I had one......perhaps I sold it on Trade Me with everything else.

I wonder if the obviously big brained Brad's at TV3 had ever considered the reason for a Number one show that has had stunning ratings in the rest of the world to appear completely bomb here............is..............Rugby...................friggin Rugby. CH actually enjoys 24 but would also not ever watch it over the ruggers for fear of growing breasts.

Now that the Rugby season is almost over, House(which I also enjoy) will receive higher ratings.
It is not rocket science.

You bastards not only was I not forewarned of 24's demise I had to put up with CH woefully slow channel surfing. Never fear the cooking chocolate took a beating again out of complete frustration.

Less than one month to go until my due date so I am trying to get as up to date as possible. I do not imagine that I will be able to do much blogging so here is the latest wee pic of Ella, pre sibling days. It was taken this weekend just gone at a party.

Had a horrid night last night, vomiting at 4am. Nothing serious, I just felt like I over ate and something had to give due to lack of room. Unfortunately, vomiting is quite powerful and with my lack of strength in pelvic floors............................ it was interesting times!

This is the last preggie photo you are likely to see as it was taken a few weeks ago before the huge exspansion, plus I am bending over so it looks like I have a small bump but in Reality my petit waist measures a whopping 112cm! I also have started to swell, joy

Wheels

Well it had to happen sooner or later, the wheels have not just fallen off but have busted beyond recognition, in fact they may even be square to match my big ole square hips.

I have reached that stage of everything attached to me hurts including CH. I am just finding him godamn painful. All completely unwarranted anf unfair but still firing looks of contempt as he so nimbly prances around all full of energy and freedom of movement, bastard.

To underline and highlight my huge arseness I have recently broken a fairly solid bed by doing nothing more than rolling over to avoid stinking, drooling, snoring alcoholic husband. I wish I could have told a more creative story involving me as a horny pregnant chick and hours of passion unleashed, but I really do think a pregnant lady who has a huge sex drive may indeed be one of those urban legends, sorry boys have I crushed the dream.

That horrid night was the last time we stayed at Jason's parents place and I vowed and declared it be the very last time we stayed overnight in that house. Oh rapture it looks like we are there this weekend.

This time I will double check on the packing of ear plugs. Just one of the things that stop my slumber at this house is in two words "Prostate Problems" yes ladies this is no joking matter, you know those pelvic floor lifts we are all crap at doing on a regular basis well men need to do them as well and CH's father should be the poster boy! The afore mentioned has difficulties at present(to say the least) which means he seems to take forever to take a piss with many stops and starts and sounds as though he is standing on a step ladder pissing from a great height, ten minutes is a quickie and it wakes the whole house. This occurs every couple of hours. I am not even going to talk about the spiders and pet hair that is everyhere, infact before I really rant I will just stop on the subject. As they are good people and I love them both.

I made the bassinette up today........................counting down.

Pimping Bubba's ride

Well I did it, completed earlier project of re-upholstering pram. Fabric and purchase now makes this a $40 pram. Bargain!

Words cannot possibly describe how hard I found said project as all I had was an idea and a can do attitude. When will I ever learn.

It took, nine hours SOLID and two sewing machines. This sewing session was longer than all my sewing experience in my whole life. Thus far I am fairly chuffed with the outcome, I now wish I had taken before and after photo's as you would have been amazed.

I also had a haircut today, most exciting. It is so lovely getting your hair done and today it looks great, tomorrow of course will be a different story.