Scilla Chocolates

It once again has been so long since my last blogging that to tell you of all of my outings, and thoughts over the last months would render you completely unconscious by blatant boredom.

I will however let you in on my finest and most luxuriant find, Scilla Chocolates. If you do not know the name do not panic but get ye to Ohope or get online and purchase. As you all know I have a bit of a choccie problem and reached the point about one year ago that no chocolate on the market in NZ could meet my ever increasing rich taste so I made my own. With great success.

These Chocolates fill MY void, now they are not the sort of chocolates you share and all of you Cadbury quaffing whimseys out there beware. These opulent delights are the sort you spend time alone with, the sinfully rich fillings, laced with liqueurs that rush out and bite your ear lobe.

What do you think?

Hey what do you think of this? I have had yet another birthday since my last blog so I thought I would try on some italic just to see how it fits and of course a slightly larger font, for if I am getting older then some of you old tarts out there will be glad of a little help..................and you know who you are.

No did not really work out for me but now that I type in this font the former seems pleasing to the eye...........................yes just another reminder I am getting older and my tastes are changing. Last week I walked past a window display of little cute ceramic animals and had to stop and look at every one. Then I thought where would I put them and who else I could give them too, it was then that I realised that even my elderly mother would find them a but silly and for the love of god THEY WHERE CERAMIC ANIMALS WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING! I seem to have woken up this birthday to find that not only my youth and waist gone but some fucker has stolen my taste as well. SO I went and bought a pair of shoes, and of course they are nothing a ceramic animal lover would purchase!

Why did the Monkey Chase the Ambulance?

There is something fundamentally wrong when you giggle all the way to your job and all the way home once you have completed a 12hour shift. It is just mad I am having an abosolute ball and near piddle myself with excitment when off racing, sirens blaring to help someone who needs it.

I finally came face to face with blood and as suspected was than comfortable with the situation and for the love of god I GOT TO DRIVE THE AMBULANCE WITH A PATIENT IN THE BACK!!! Just crazy, it went well but could have gone better if someone had told me about everything being back to front so the wipers were going when trying to indicate, not good for the ole nerves.

Lordy we actually have just bought two, three bedroom homes in Kawarau for the princely sum of $220K for them both!!!! I know.............sounds a bargain but really risky for us as although it is the hottest place in NZ but apart from a mill there is not much there, its about 20 minutes from Whakatane and about 45 from Rotorua. But of push comes to shove we could live in one or sell again. Interestingly enough Kawarau was the only place to show good growth in housing prices in the last update so all fingers crossed.

Right I had best go and do something as the housework is piling up and I really should go play with my eldest.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

STAT STAT STAT

What an amazing night, speeding, lights whirling, running to the Ambo, stretcher carting, rushing patients to the Emergency Department(surprisingly no Dr Mcdreamy)t, wearing a fluro Jacket and even talking on the radio!

Really amazing and exhilarating and already I just feel great, like all of a sudden the fog has lifted and now I have complete clarity.
It will be hard work and the protocols to be followed are lengthy and the training immense to put it into perspective I cannot give anything stronger than an asprin until around two years of study.

But heck that was just my first shift 7pm until 7am. My next shift is on Saturday so I wonder what I will experience then. Today I took Ella into the station so she could see what Mummy is doing when she is working and the Staff was talking about the days jobs and it was really quite harrowing. I can only but wonder how I will react to my first death. Already last night I found myself paying close attention to the patients and gleaning much about their lives from any clue I could to form an opinion and wonder about their life and how the live it. It is all so brand spanking new and it is wonderful to feel adrenalin pumping, I feel amazingly lucky as it is not often we get to do something for the first time and I have a whole lifetime of first times coming my way.

I just feel so proud to be learning an amazing new skill that could be life changing, I feel proud to be doing something for my community as it is good for the soul. I feel thankful I have so many friends who give me support and encouragement and share in my excitement.

What else can I say…………………………………………. ……….Yeeeeeeeeeee haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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Happy Waitangi/New Zealand/just another day off Day

Have you been watching the coverage of Waitangi day on the news? Did you also feel stomach gripping ready to unload all of its contents? Perhaps it is just me.

I simply cannot see Mr John Keys as anything other than a snivelling little swotty tell tale schoolboy. He just makes my skin crawl. If I sit down and listen to the man he comes across almost fine but there is something about his actions that completely undermine anything that falls from his mouth. I cannot explain it but there is no way I would vote for him.

I may not be a big Hairy Helen Clark lover but I do applaud her not going to Waitangi as it is little about the remembering the Treaty and more about stutting peacocks. Speaking of that what about Hone Harawira, Maori Party MP for the Tai Tokerau? Now that feller is something to be admired, provided he does not go on walk about. I cannot say I like the man but love listening to him being interviewed and is a fantastic media manipulator; I guess the apple did not fall far from the tree. I am currently reading a Sara Donati book where the characters are Mohawk Indians and they have names like 'Falling day and Runs with wolves and Many doves'. My name for Hone would be 'Cruising shark'

I was just thinking to myself how I would love to have someone like Hone on our side and not against us. A bit of a Freudian slip I feel. As these thoughts have come from a person who loves Maori culture and is truly interested in learning, tries hard to pronounce the language and incorporates the language in everyday life, whose children wear ponamu and hopefully one day I dream for my children to feel comfortable on a Marae. That is the first time I have felt there is an us and a them but who is who is very unclear. If I am feeling this way god only know what people who disrespect Maori and/or Non Maori are feeling. Scary stuff

Poorly Poppy. Yet again she has not quite unfinished her last antibiotics and she is unwell with a temperature. Friends we played with on Friday have the pox of the chicken variety. I am not sure how long it takes to get them but am keeping my eyes peeled, Ella has spots on her legs but does not feel unwell so who knows.

Oh you know that finacial adviser I told you of and how good we felt about it WELL in saturdays Mail was the bill and $760 later!!!! frickin heck!!!!! I am wild and feel screwed. I shall let you know.

Poppys word of the week DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!DON'T!

Thanks for that Ella!

My first shift on the Ambulance is coming really fast...........................I am so nervous and underconfident on so many levels, I know I have support from Jason but not 100% that I am sure of as he detests the idea of me leaving the home and not getting paid for it. I need to do this for me. Just breathe

Poppy meets Tama

Summer in Whakatane has been far superior to any other summer I have experienced. Saturday night was spent in the rose gardens with hundreds of picnic rugs, children running riot and listening to a Wellington Jazz band Shaken not stirred. It was fantastic even CH got up a strutted his fancy side together in broad daylight!

It really was fabulous, the weather was deliciously warm, the wine and beers flowed freely and everybody was very relaxed. Poppy spent the time flitting from rug to rug trying to muscle in on a new family or running very fast in alternating directions and trying in vain to get on the stage as she was completely enthralled by the lead female singer. Ella was happy snacking on picnic fare and pulling out her classic 'run in a circle dance'

We lost Ella. It was terrible, our back was turned as we packed up and she saw an opportunity and buggered off. All our friends hunting for the little brat and luckily I found her on the otherside of the park, far away from the music and next to the blooming river, by jesus it was about then Ella was thankful for Sue Bradfords little law.

I guess the only thing we noticed was the clear class distinction of the event. Sure, jazz does not appeal to all but surely in a place where 40% of the community are Maori you would see a similar representation. Less than 5% would be more accurate. It was exactly the same to celebrate Christmas at carols by candle light. I am not sure what the reason could be as they are all free events and fabulous for kids all you need is time.

We spoke to Tama as he rode his bike to the event and Ella is very into bikes as she promptly checked out his wheels and proudly declared that soon she will be three and she will get a bike if she is good(highly unlikely at this stage) Tama said that was good as a bike will take her everywhere(thats what I am afraid of!) Poppy was intrigued by Tama, shied away at first then he held out his hand and she reached for it looking intently into his face. She has always done this and possesses a look far above her years that counts and weighs somebody with her all seeing eyes. Quite unnerving when most of the time she is left wanting.

$160 per hour and no happy ending!

We are in financial limbo. We have a little money that has been hard earned and for some it would take a lifetime to achieve and yet it is not anywhere close to achieving our goals. Do we invest in the property market, shares, currency, business opportunities or just simply save? Over the last year we have done the lot!

We are both impatient people and have been risk takers in the past but now we must be frugal. It seems odd then in the face of febuary, our new knuckle down buget kicks in that we go and blow $160 on a chat with someone.

A financial strategist. Actually really great once you get past the fact some stranger wants to get the real nitty gritty on your life. It was good just to have a person sort out fact from fiction on a non emotional level. It was also great to confirm we are not floundering and have thus far been clever and managed our money well. We now await an analysis based upon some of our ideas to get ahead and see if they can be given life. I will keep you posted.

Oh yeah my first rostered working night on an Ambulance is Waitangi day, cool huh!

Brandy Alexandra anyone?

Yep, gals I still have it.

It has been years since I stood behind a bar and made cocktails. I went to a fantastic birthday party and blew everyone away with my well garnished and equisitely good cocktails. Yummy!

The food was fantastic, I made bulk sushi which was lovely but the best by far was Kingfish spare ribs in an amazing sauce. Fantastic.

The highlight of the week was a child free day! I shit you not ladies a whole day with adults and no children. A free day at the races, all expenses paid bus trip and of course I looked gorgeous and Delwyn I wore those cool polka pants you made me buy in Melbourne, and yes it was a good bum day!

Healthline

What a week. Four nights and no sleep, crying baby totally inconsolable who is only now just starting to eat. Hey I have just had a thought and perhaps that is why I am feeling a little down on myself!

We have just come through a tonsillitis viral infection and discovered Poppy is allergic to penicillin. I had no idea tonsillitis was viral and infectious! hmmn who knew.

I also discovered that during high temps it is advisable to use a combination of both pamol and Nurofen for kids. Plus the Nurofen has the coolest top on it that makes it easy to measure out the right dose.

I called the health line and they were just amazing and encourage all of you to do the same, store this number in your cell as you never know when you will need it
0800 611 116

Life according to Ella

Ella is at this amazing age and constantly coming up with little observations. Here is this weeks little ditties.

"Mama, My bum does not fit me!"
Oh honey I know how you feel.

"Mama the moon is broken!"
How do you explain the waxing and waneing of the moon to a near three year old!

"Mama I am proud of you!"
A real heart melter when she came out of the blue with this one.

Yummy Yummy Yummy I have Jelly in my tummy

Not again.

I started the year with such positivity and this year was the first time I did not start the year with crash diets and deluded pledges of uncompromising exercise routines.

It is not even the end of January and I am feeling old, skody and horrifically unattractive. What to do, what to do.

I often look at my half stuffed Haggis looking stomach and I find it truly amazing, the thousands of the shiny stetchmarks with the occasional strips of skin. The texture is fantastic, really soft and CH loves it. Even my daughters love it and giggle uncontrollably when they pat it and watch it wobble.

In all honesty, I want it gone. I do not mind the fact I have stretchmarks as they stand as a constant reminder to that amazing time when your baby was just yours and yours alone. All those quite times with each other when you could keep them safe in every way. What I do mind is the fact you do not need to see my skin to know I am a mother for heavens sake if it were not for super bras my tum would be more prominent than my boobs as it peeks around the corner five minutes before I get there!

I am thinking sit ups.

Thankfully we start a firm budget in feb and the Dairy prices are so high that our house will no longer be filled with bulk chocolate, five different types of ice cream, toppings to match and nine different cheeses(seriously I just counted)

I need to do this, just for me all I need now is will power. Got any spare?

My home resembles ground zero for a national hygiene disaster.

Every wall from toy covered carpet to about a metre high covered in grimey fingerprints, sloppy kisses and hopefully washable pens.

Cupboards ransacked, pots replaced with headless dolls and the odd ball and broken MacDonald’s toys, potatoes with little bites out of them hidden through the pantry, cd’s and dvd’s posted wherever they can fit and used nappies discarded wherever my oldest stops drops and rolls.

But what a fabulous summer holiday, this last month our home has been brimming with children’s giggles, afternoon naps in the sun, good food and salty Margaritas. We have just said goodbye to last of our family and a return to life normality.

Highlights, too many to mentions but they all have involved spending a fortune on summer berries and swimming. I guess my favourite time that was just for me was my ‘Tolberone naps’ Sadly I am down to my last few peaks of my 400gram Choocie mountain and now I feel like singing “Summer loving” to a tight black wearing bock of Tolberone. Every afternoon if I got the kids down to sleep I would go and read and nibble upon said chocolate. I could judge what sort of day I was having by the number of triangular goodness to required to rock me to sleep. Three was a good day a celebration.

Well I am dithering again as I really need to be starting at one end of the house and today I promised a drawing day to Ella as it is slightly overcast and I am crossing all fingers for rain.

Right lets have a good food day, hopefully no crap for the first time in nearly two months. I have the DT’s already.

tolberone)Summer lovin' had me a blast


(jody)Summer lovin' happened so fast

(tolberone)I met a girl crazy for me

(jody)Met a choccie as yum as can be

Summer naps driftin' away,

to uh-oh those summer nights
Uh Well-a well-a well-a huh

Tell me more, tell me more
Did you eat very much?

Tell me more, tell me more

I feel a bit left out as I have not one New Years resolution.

Here is one for the benefit of you poor buggers that wade through my rant filled drivel.

I will try to use spell check...........................no really I will

I just did!

Holy shite 2008 already

It surely would take hours upon hours to entertain you all with my tales of life since my last blog.

To attempt to give you the shortened version would be cruelty at its most wicked.

So I won't.

But hear ye this,

It could quite possibly be the best two weeks of my life......................

Love to you all but I will be not blogging terribly often until Feb as this Jan is my summer holiday. Life is grand..........................now where did I put down my glass?

Does it get any better than this?

The perfect day, low cloud and mist settleling in the valley around, smothering all brightness except the twinkle of fairy lights, snuggling under soft blankets with cuddly children, watching The Lion King while eating warm home made piklets with fresh cream and straberry jam.

This is my day no wonder I cannot think about New Years resolutions as honestly there is nothing I would change!

St Johns update

Oh did I mention that I have made it through to the first interview stage for becoming a paramedic? Interview on the 19th, how very exciting!

The day after the morning after

Monday.............................Baking day.....................................

I have that horrible niggling feeling that I have completely forgotten something very important.

Christmas lights on, electronic babysitter on, still in PJ's, chocolate within an arms reach(but not a chubby toddlers digit) Nope it does seem that everything is normal and well with the world. I guess it is just the after alcohol blues. I have no idea why I bother really, well yes I do as I am much better at it than CH. All of yesterday the self pitying sad arse vomited the whole day until his nose bled. Sad bastard.

I too was feeling poorly, as pale as alabaster, cold sweats and the near embarrassment of coming close to dropping draws and doing unspeakable things in a friends garden. Quite a good night, by all accounts, Looking fabulous in my casual attire, my new favourite dress. Although everyone kept calling me Dorothy and hiding their cigarettes in my pockets..............................I do not really understand, Dorothy never had a neckline as plunging!

I really feel like sulking and hiding today and I perhaps stay in my silky gown all day. I wish I could sleep some more as I am having really vivid dreams that I awake almost more tired than when I went to sleep. I do love dreams and especially love the haunting ones that stick with you all day. I am dreaming about having threesomes lately, what do you think that means? Last nights consisted of some middle aged sex therapist/hooker CH had invited into our bedroom to give me a good time! man alive I was so wild and angry in the dream I must have some suppressed rage somewhere.

The night before I too was taken over with rage and with pure eloquence and reaching booming voice with no mercy proceeded to tell someone what I really thought of them. That would never happen again as really it has only happened once.

The previous night yet another threesome with another fellow some I also love but never in this way........................................it was really loving and amazing. Super dream I need more of those. Is there a pill I can take? The most amazing part of the dreams as that CH will do anything and is self sacrificing to ensure my happiness. Perhaps that is it?

I must try and find a book to tell me what the dreams mean as I have no wish for threesomes, fantastic and fun when young, silly and single...........................I have enough past exploits to last a life time, so its not that.

In my dreams I always end up running and getting the hell out of dodge. Nearly always filled fear, murderers and being chased but always winning. I guess I can be thankful for that.

My own Cinema that plays just for me...................................quite cool really.

Yes you may have some cake and no driving afterwards!

Well I did it finally cracked the Playgroup I go to and it only took three weeks! I did have my doubts as the ladies were not the most welcoming but I finally wooed them with my winning personality and delicious skills on edibles and off I go to a coffee at someones place on Friday. Mind you I could be off to a tar and feathering for all I know.

It was my theory if I just kept turning up they could not ignore me forever. I swear it is much harder to get into a beach Mothers group than it is to get into our Army museum and steal millions of dollars worth of hard earned medals.............................if we go to war may god protect us as our men and women in green are unlikely to!

Oh my Christmas cakes are amazing, so blooming rich and alcoholic that once swallowed you would swear you had a nip if whiskey as the warming feeling is the same. I have indeed found a keeper recipe.

Oh yes off down to Ashvegus for Christmas and Christ on a scooter I am actually looking forward to it! I know!!!!! The devil must be skating on an ice rink, I knew I had gone soft but this is akin to Helen Clark singing "Happy Birthday to Mr President" while dressed as Marylin to John Keys.

Geez I hope I am not dying!

Behold!

My first ever iced Christmas cakes I am well underway to rival Martha. Actually I must say that I am quite chuffed as it took no time at all(under an hour) and look at the result imagine how cool things could look if.........................
#1 I knew how to ice cakes
#2 Actually planned and though about it.

I cannot wait for next year then!

Right I must go as we are having people over for dinner this evening and I am about to find if I can buy any canneloni in this meat and two vege town

Christmas at the langdons!

Would you believe at last count we have nearly 900 pretty lights scattered throughout our home! Feck I love Christmas! Right nearly finished my Christmas cake too!

Good things happen to good people........Good things happen to good people........Good things happen to good people........Good things happen to good people........Good things happen to good people........Good things happen to good people........Good things happen to good people........Good things happen to good people........Good things happen to good people........Good things happen to good people........Good things happen to good people........Good things happen to good people........Good things happen to good people........

Good always triumphs over evil. Things happen for a reason.

I have to believe, with the week news stories I am truly finding it hard.

May you rest in peace Emma, may people tread carefully where you are laid as buried with you are many New Zealander's hope.

Good ole St John

I have gone and been inspired again.

I am waiting on one more tiny detail and my application to be a Saint Johns volunteer will be underway. Provided I make the grade it will be a most exciting and rewarding experience. I not only get to give back and help my local community I also get the chance to study and learn on the job how to become a paramedic. It will take many years of commitment but it just feel right and I was like a swotty kid at the meeting, so very excited.

I am not sure if you realise this but when you are in need of a Ambulance you are mostly being attended by volunteers. There are few paid positions in Saint Johns as it is a registered charity and nothing to do with the goverment. It is a passion and they really are the unsung heroes, imagine if people stop giving their time, where will we be. Well this is one thing I am not prepared to leave it up to someone else, so hopefully all going well you will be able to join with me in my new adventure over the next few years and you never know you too may get inspired!

Monday a day of rest, relaxation and magazines by the pool. Yes I still have dreams.

Reality? Scrubbing all day for tomorrow we have a house inspection. My only hope is my children let me do this with as little whingeing as possible. I have never had a house inspection before and as it is through a rental agency past memories of other peoples horrific experience with said inspectors are coming to mind. I know it has to happen but lordy I feel it is such an invasion.

Today as luck would have it we are toilet training and have been for a couple of weeks and already before 9am I have cleaned up 2 accidents. I find it so hard keeping my cool and saying 'next time you will do it in the pottie won't you' When really I am chewing back a very different sentence.

Yes I know I am procrastinating by doing this very blog but let me delude myself for another few minutes.

I really am quite knackered and still recovering from the weekend. My fault really I went around to a girlfriends on friday night where I proceeded to drink far too much cheap wine. By 4am I was awake, felt like I had a mouthful of cornflour and there was no way I could get back to sleep with the pain throbbing behind my eyeballs. Stupidly I got up and within no time I was up too my elbow in mince making hamburger patties, icing cup cakes, making rainbow jelly..........oh it was a very long day. But damn it was cool, Ella had a blast!

Look at my girls........................................they are just lovely at the moment. Poppy is going through a very affectionate stage which means keeping a towel handy to wipe up the slobber from spontaneous displays of love. She is not walking yet but finds in immensely funny to try balancing 'no hands' she is a real parrot at the moment and tries to say things you say but mostly she is just saying the basics, Our names, Hiya!, yep! Ella is a complete chatter box and constantly amazes me with her observations. They are both completely different and really hard cases. I look at the photo above and I find it hard to believe they are my daughters, where the hell did they come from?

Ladybug ladybug fly away home

It is Ok to feel somewhat inadequate while basking in the glow of my Pattisserie prowess........................................here it is my first ever attempt at a Childrens Birthday cake and I had a really great time doing it. It may not be the most well put together cake but it tasted fantastic, was extremely moist and more impotantly was a bit of a hit with all the children. The best part of it is the little figures I made around the edge as I have packed them away in a special little box filled with cotton wool to go with Poppy's keepsakes. At this rate I am going to need two extra bedrooms for the crap I keep.

The party was fantastic and everyone was extremely well feed with lots of dancing children giggling their way around the house dropping feckin red and black icing on our carpet(which stains) We are already finding we are being surrounded by the most amazing people who willingly invite us in to share their lives

Lordy I almost cannot cope. Ever since I became a mother I am just a festering open sore of emotion. Missing Christchurch woman Emma Agnew has me in complete turmoil and was saddened by what I read this morning about her family given up hope of ever seeing her alive again.

You all know I am naive and like to think of the good in people but I just cannot believe she is dead for I truly hope and have to believe that good things happened to good people. I am already terrified enough of things in this world and most of the time you can put it down to thinking things only happen in the movies. When we are faced with blood curdling events in every day news it is any wonder we leave our windows unbarred or even venture outside the home for we truly do not know what is stalking us. I feel hunted and I am as unprotected as a turkey around christmas time.

My heart is truly exsposed for her family and should anything like that would happen to my loved ones, I really do not think I could ever breathe again. Absolutely horrific.

I am not a big talker to God but hell I am praying for Emma and her family.

Fucking Facebook

I finally gave in so I could view a couple of friends who do not blog and keep up with their lives and the next thing I knew I had wasted a whole morning. DO NOT DO IT!

Happy Bithday Pops

Friday, what a complete fabulous day. A day to celebrate the one year anniversary of welcoming Poppy into our lives. I love my children's birthdays, not just for the excuse to sprinkle the day with fairy lights, bubbles, cake and giggles, not to even mention chocolate for breakfast but reflecting on how we got here. I am sure friends of mine out there will understand as much as the birth of your child is your greatest physical pain but now that part is long forgotten and I take the opportunity to remember hour by hour what happened to ensure the memory lives. I loved my experience and thinking upon it only makes my love stonger, gosh I am just so in awe of my children 'LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE CREATED!'

I honestly do not know my arse from my elbow at present. I have been a solo mum for about three weeks now as CH works all the hours given then socialises the rest away, the girls only see him for half an hour in the morning, he is so knackered and still five weeks of busy times to go.

I have so many projects on the go that I barely know where to start, in fact the very act of writing this blog entry today is pissing about and in strong denial of the fact I have much to do.

I am making my fist ever Children's cake and am struggling with the looks V's taste debate. I am making a Ladybug cake and I can make it look fantastic in lovely rolled red icing that traditionally graces Christmas cakes but it will taste like crap or I can ice in it a incredibly yummy frosting and have it look 'rustic' but taste great. What is the point in having cake and not having it taste fantastic. I think I have just made my decision.

In the background you can see our outdoor Christmas tree, it does really look lovely and it night our garden is a twinkling wonderland, of course I got burned to a cinder with decorating and I am sure lucky not to have fallen off a ladder with my complete disregard for Occupation health and safety but I love it and I am sure I am the biggest kid around at this time of the year and will be so until my dying day.

This Saturday we are having a party a Christmas/staff party/Poppy's birthday which will be great, poor neighbours I must to some butt kissing. A few weeks ago we had a bit of a night and our small garden became a latrine, fecking filthy animals, two toilets in a house and still they piss on fences. Bloody men constantly like to display the fact they piss anywhere and not once wet their socks!

I so wish you were all here to celebrate with us and help me make colourful treats and rig up an electric fence in out garden area.

Right off to start my day...................................................................

iGoogle

iGoogle

She's all gone with her red shoes on.....................

I must admit I was a bit anxious about going out with the gals in Whakatane. As you know there is a wee bit of problems up here at present and many had filled my head with tales of violence, warnings of making sure I was home by midnight and other such that should really only be in the realm of campfire tales.

The only reason a little white girl should be home before midnight is utter utter boredom.

I truly expected good bands with lots of regge, dub, drum and bass for that relaxed summertime feeling. Boy was I wrong. All we could manage a shitty little bars and local bands, albeit really good covers bands but just not to my tastes as they belt out 'Mustang Sally' to the overabundant gyrating booze hags.

There was one glimmer of excitement which made me put my money where my mouth is, yet another shitty feet sticking to the floor bar that played host to the younger members of the community. Lots of retro 'rage against the machine' with hip hop mixes. Boy did I feel old being some 14 years senior to most of the bods busting a move there. I love to dance but in all seriousness I was pulling myself to go out and try to foot it with the young 'uns when having not danced in years.

Oh there was a time when I could really move, now its only when Nappies are on special.

I pray that I did not look to bad on the dancefloor..........................old white girls can dance...honest..............................................yeah right. Well at least no one put me in the recovery position.

All in all I had a cracker of a night with a real great bunch of women, admittedly most drink like men so I could never keep up on that score but I cannot wait to do it again. I recommend to one and all of you yummy mummies out there to get off your arse and go have some non family fun!

Friday

I really must lay off the ciggarettes.

I also could be said I should never have started again.

My current excuse seems to be a combination of relaxation and naughtiness. CH as most of you will know hates smokers and sees little point to it. If that is not incentive the I do not know what is.

Honestly there is not much better at the moment than making a good cup of coffee for morning tea on the deck by our bedroom, shutting the door, lighting a ciggarette and basking in the local birds morning chatter. It is a fantastic start for the day it is almost like my own wee motavational meeting.

I am off out tonight I KNOW, SHOCK HORROR! a group of gals who go out for a meal, drinks and a chat once a month. Also this week it may suprise you to know I went for a walk, yes a proper one, I sweated and everything! My neighbour and I have decided to go a couple of times a week. Her name is Jodi, which seems just wrong.

Also next week I have been invited to a Stationery party. Damn right I will go to anything that celebrates staying still. Instead its paper and things, a new one for me and hell its gotta beat a linen party. All I can say is that I better be home by Heroes!

The weather is fabulous here and we have been eating our own strawberries for two weeks now, Hmmn what shall we do today, we baked cool gingerbread shapes yesterday, I think the beach today, get your towel and hat and come with us.

A Family that plays together, stays together!

I remember once telling a lovely Scotish friend of mine about the state of child abuse in this fair country and cracking a joke similar to my title above. She was appalled at not only my gall to make jest but the fact that so many New Zealand families are riddled with child abuse.

The leading story when I hoped off the plane back in Christchurch was research proving that one in four New Zealanders experience sexual abuse before the age of 15, normally at the hands of a family member or trusted family friend. I know this to be true. The highlight of all this "research" for me was that they now attributed this terrible abuse to loosening advertising and veiwing restrictions, consumption of alcohol and the decay of morals. What a crock of shite, so are they saying companies that advertise a product using women in bikinis promote fiddling with children! You cocks. I do not think you can explain why this happens only that it does, I know it, you know it, it disgusts us as a nation. No one cares, I can prove it.

Heard any more on that story which broke more nearly two weeks ago?

Nope gone for another couple of months, lets help starving children in Chad instead. Its easire to digest. Perhaps somewhere down the track more advertising restrictions or some bullocks and the reason will be citied by the above research.

I have been thinking for some time now how to face this and how we as a community could make positive changes. One half of me cannot even believe we openly discuss this as really IT SHOULD NEVER EVER HAPPEN! But it does.

I think somehow somewhere firm lines have to be drawn while other PC ones erased. Our confusion with all this PC bullocks has clouded our judgement and made us doubt our abilities to parent. Ella ever since going to child care she has hated anyone changing her Nappies, I worry but yet she is most likely just being a prat. Ella the other night was playing with some little boys at a party and on the way hime she said "I touched a boy!" If they had not been in my sight the whole time, I would wonder. Is this not bullocks. I am scared for my children and it is perhaps expecting that everyone is a potential kiddy fiddler has given strength to the kiddy fiddler as we have set the expectation long ago.

How to change? I remember going to a play a few years ago and in it was a Man talking about getting a hard on while his child bounced about on his knee, my first reaction was like most and one of utter disgust but then he went onto say he felt terrible about it and how that must mean he was an abuser and it was not until he thought about it rationally that it was just the movement and not what actually what was on his knee that did it, I guess like some men get a driving hard on and that does not mean the want to have sex with the car!

It is normal natural things that happen that we cannot talk about anymore that we have created a monster, gosh when I think of all the things we did as children we would have been called sexual preditors by some as making poor little fellow from down the road play spin the bottle or flush his naked arse down the loo or fiddle with each others bits when playing doctors and nurses all harmless fun with complete lack of understading but now considerered taboo when really it was natural inqusitiveness.

Punishment is part of the solution, public floggings perhaps. Teaching our children common sense has to be another part of it as they need to know the difference between uncle playfully slapping them on the arse if given the opportunity to inappropriate behavior. We need to give them strength and courage to stand for what is right and nurture those parental bonds to ensure the lines of communication are open.

The past is gone and cannot be changed and tomorrow is not yet here so what we do with today really matters. Remember that.

24

God dammit I need some clarity in my life and one heck of an explanation!

As you know I have a nasty wee habit of tele watching and wait poised for the mind mushing return of the new series of my favourte TV programmes.

One of those is 24. I magine my surprise when trying to drag myself off to bed at 11pm last night when an episode of 24 that I have never seen came on! At that time of night, you bastards!

What the heck, is this a new series or another series I have never seen.

Can anyone clarify?

Melbourne the homecoming

Ella checking herself out in her halloween outfit complete with her highlight LIPSTICK look at the lush curls!

The girls at a Twilight county fair last week.

I must admit to sulking for almost a week upon my return. Do not get me wrong I love my life and my children are my reason for taking breath. Before I left I had huge anxiety about leaving especially my youngest but to my surprise It took me three days to miss them. It was a timely break and reminder that I am not just the Mother of Ella and Poppy or the wife of Jason. I drank, smoked like a train, took pills and giggled my way through the day without a shitty nappy in sight.

Girl power is what it was, no matter how close you are to your husband there are just things that you can do with your girl friends that you cannot do with your husband. Spending full time hours in shops, perving at eye candy all the while discussing female issues and most likely coming up with a cure for world hunger. I recommend to all my sisters out there to plan a similar gal getaway as it really gets you back to basics and fills you with the joie De vere once again.

By the fourth day however I really did long for my girls but was helped along by some lovely wee mothers helpers, I am not really into pills but these little cherubs are amazing they have a combination a herbs for general well being but they do contain some BZP, the effect was outstanding, I felt happiness like I have not felt in years, energy was just beaming from every orifice and they really made the holiday. Go figure! I now have a supply and will only use for special occasions as I can see now why thing like this were chewed on like candy for the Mums of the 60's, 70's and 80's.

CH was fabulous with the children and was the most amazing star and now I can see he understands what my day is about and how truly thankful and appreciated my Motherly skills are. The best thing for me is to see he truly has got to know Poppy and that is just beautiful.

Melbourne the shopping

Blessed are the visa card users for they shall inherit the world!

I was such a dithering mess when I left and although I had the blessing of my husband who constantly encouraged me to spend money, I really did think I would hold back a little on the spending. Boy was I wrong I shopped like I have never and will never shop again. I left NZ with 13kgs and returned with 51kgs of clothing and accessories, you will be pleased to know I got all on my wish list and then I got more. The prices choice and originality was gobsmacking and I truly nearly brought in every shop I visited. We spent the bulk of our time in Bridge Street which is quite like a much larger High Street in Christchurch and Smith street. We never ventured into one of those mammoth DFO malls as the prices of Bridge street was much cheaper. We also went to the Victoria Market and I was truly expecting to go nuts there but it was mostly junk.

Duty free I love it, I got three perfumes, skin and eye care, alcohol and most importantly the huge fuck off Toblerones, man I adore them and sadly I only have one left and it is on borrowed time.

Those who know me well we also know my aversion to exercise, well ladies I walked my arse off and every day my muscles were stiff and sore from lugging gargantuan bags of shopping, yes I had shopping injuries. My feet as you know are interesting in shape and tied to thwart my escapades at every level. Much to my surprise I bought a pair of Crocs. Now in the past I have cast scorn and made vomiting noises at those wearing the hideous summer gumboot and even as recently has a week before I left I giggled at the stupidity of my sister for spending $50 on a pair of Croc thongs. I now own a pair of croc thongs and I have to say that without these glorious plastic fantastics I would have had to stop shopping or go bare footed.

Favourite buys,
Transformers belt buckle,
Fabulous summer dress
and these forgiving denim Gripp 3/4's

Melborne the food

I have been home for well over a week now and my holiday still takes up much of my day.

Melbourne was without a shadow of doubt fabulous. Words could not ever convey how blooming ridiculously fantastic my time away was. For the entire trip I was a giddy little schoolgirl with eyes as big as saucers and a dorky grin to match!

The food was outstanding in every way and as much as it pains me to admit this but the culinary standard of most restaurants made their NZ counterparts look like Ma and Pa’s tuck shop. We only had five nights which meant cold and harsh decision making on what parts of Melbourne to explore, in China town I tried Peking duck for the very first time and I will just kill myself if that was the last time I will ever experience its succulent, bewilderingly tasty little packages.

We feasted upon much fresh prawn, squid, fish, exotic terrines, cured meats, mouth zapping relishes, amazing new season Queensland nectarines and fresh sushi but my personal favourite was Melbounians love of juice bars, Oh it is that orchard fresh goodness I miss most of all. I feel so isolated in a town where a juice bar is the local pub with raro on tap.


The best night by far was the Sunday evening, D and I were belles of the ball I cannot remember what the lane was called but it is only there at night and all of the tables were lit with candle light and the weather warm and muggy and a two piece jazz band played through our meal. At about dessert we started getting the glad eye from the band and before we knew they were serenading us in Italian with songs of our choice. I noticed the girl in the table next to us was having a birthday a pretty wee Malaysian girl celebrating her 18th. It ending up D and I dragged her up to dance and before you knew it we were having an amazing time dancing for the other diners. One of the partners of the jazz player a rather large Italian lady was up dancing first and man alive could this lady dance and she would severely put most to shame, what a love of life and younger men this woman had, the soles of my feet still bear some of the inground Melbourne pavement I got from dancing like a snake!!! I know it is what one of the old Italians described my dancing skills………………………………….. What a night but the merriment soon came to an end and about 3am I was cursed with having the dry horrors and not a drop of water to drink, painfully remembering why I do not drink often!

He He he he he ohhhh dear heeeee he

Three sleeps to go, I am so excited.

Not only am I going to spend loads of time with fav gal, go on a plane, stay in a hotel, Duty free treats, eat lots of fab food, drink bubbles, bright lights and big city, shopping from here to Africa and not a shitty nappy in sight.

I could just pee myself......................................

On to important matters.

THE LIST

What to buy................................

#Grey stuff, yes big next year I think

#Citrus shades, great for summer

#Gladiator Sandals, lots of strap and a bit of heel.

#Knee length shorts, hiding the bits I want disguised.

#Longish tops.

#Engineered suck me in pants.

#Tunics, Halter in style, sweetheart neckline to balance out arse with small shoulders and enhance bust, not too long.

#Capri pants, with very specific lengths

#Crop 3/4 only if firm around the hips and wide floaty legs to show pin ankles and perhaps give the illusion that my legs are like that all the way up

#Perfume, Hmmn I think I will have to get my stock standard Hypnotic Poison but I am over issey for summer so I need to do some testing.

#Facial products in particular micro dermabraison I still need to investigate that one.

#Casual shoes

#Casual and funky Hoodies

#Jeans!!! Hmmn or at the very least great casual pants

#Swim wear to cover wobbly bitsahh hell or perhaps a wet suit.

#Gorgeous Lingerie, lift and present boobies

#Dresses

#More handbags of course

Well thats the basics covered!

Hello poor house and beans on toast, still very worth it

The new Do

There we go, you asked for it one fabulous self potrait of new do, does not even resemble what I left the salon with as it has more of a just got out of bed look.................cos I have, minus the hooker lipstick. Hey you can even see my freckles!

Quite an interesting experience at the salon, not your normal bullocky converstion but more a course in local education as we spoke manly about gangs!

This is the unusual thing in living up here is just how much gangs are in the every day life, I decided to get my hair cut in Kopeopeo which is apparently a Blackpower haven but I love it for the people watching it is great. I toatally stick out like a sore thumb as most of the people I have met thus far would not think of shopping there. I find this whole gang relationship quite interesting as all of my experience which is few and far between is of White gangs. I guess more to the point I understand it on some level as most of you will know that I have no blood family I have not given birth too and little knowlege of my heritage so the idea of a bigger family is a little in the realm of hopes and dreams for me. I know that gangs are not really like this but the truth of the matter is there are good people and bad bastards everywhere and a patch does not nicely classify them as either. Many people have told me that once I live here a few years I will hate Maoris, I find this disturbing. I have always felt a real strong and emotional connection with Maori culture as if one day I hope to find that I am one so I no longer have to feel like a fraud. Just more of wanting that sense of belonging I guess.

I have met some really lovely women here, intelligent capable and with great jobs, yet their men are fully patched up members in the local gang. I do not know what I expected, more like toothless middle aged old hags with my hooker lippie on chugging back a cheap arse beer.

I think I should start my own gang and base it on more like a female Freemason to guard all our female secrets and pass on skills through each other and encourage learning and growth for future generations, a haven of sorts to give strength to one another and next step world domination!

Matriarch Misadventures

A huge Thankyou to the wonderful men of our All Blacks.

I and other rugby families will no longer have to put up with Rugby bullocks, late nights and early mornings and boring replays.

What if this whole thing was orchestrated and planned by the women of the world and put into action by the wives and girlfriends of all involved with the World Cup.

This could happen, or has it?

When I am Queen of this fair country, you Grab-a-seat bastards will be the first up against the wall.

You arse vomit sodden pricks, I am completely and utterly gutted with these sheep buggering bandit cheap fares. Every time there is a fare I could use, I wait, eyes glues, children abandoned and bawling, credit card poised, nose picking finger at the ready to punch in my details.

This time I got through with record speed, right through to punching in my credit card detail and giggling with glee and then flashing read meassage, " Sorry those flights are no longer available."

Who has my fucken tickets?

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I cannot use this site again, my temper will not hold.

Pledge Update

I never complain to manufacturers, even about important things. This time I was so wild that I did. Today I recieved a $15 voucher in the post with the advice that in future I should spray upon cloth instead of directly on to surface. So go fourth and spay.

Christmas Ahoy

It has begun, three days of prep and the result is the most weighty, decadent and rich, plonk swamped Christmas cakes I have ever made. These monsters will almost double in weight with their weekly feeding of port on the lead up to Christmas.

I love Christmas cake day it is a new tradition I started as my own Mother once made a christmas cake sponge mixture and fruit mix the night before and I still loved loved it, it was only the once and I remember it well. I always had this dream of a proper Christmas card family Christmas with all the family pitching in and making it a truly magical event, Christmas carols playing while all standing around the massive bowls of cake batter and each stiring the mix and making a wish.

In reality what a complete balls up it was to try to do with a baby and a naughty toddler helping you bake and who knows what my oldest minion managed to get into the batter when my back was turned. It would take a complete saint to enjoy this event and not come a sweaty scarlet bundle with gang banger curses. The buggers ground me down and pissed all over my Christmas card vision.

However I live to tell the story and will of course look forward to next year. Ella is already amped for Christmas, we have been doing some pretty instensive training but so far all she wants for Christmas is a Christmas Cake and a Christmas Tree, oh bless.

I must admit to being a little insular of late and I really do not have a clue about what is going on in the big wide world, I generally only get a small bit of down time to watch the first few items on the news, which is normally only National pieces and our reception is so bad that we cannot get any national radio shows. I am only getting wee snippets here just enough to peak my interest but does little to explain the full story. I am a bit lost really as I have no one worldly enough in my life that cares enough about world events to explain them. I must put that on my list for possible friend description. I already have Lucy who will help me with Te Reo, a good start.

I am quite interested in the chap Ahmadinejad I do not know what it is but I think it has something to do with how he looks and it does not really match up with what falls from his mouth. I do wonder how much is lost in translation.

As for this Myanmar/Burma conflict, how can I have any idea of what is going on if no one can seem to agree what to blooming call the country. I think it is something along the UN using Myanmar and Americans using Burma. Where do the people live Burma or Myanmar. 45 years of Military rule...........................the biggest uprising since the death of over three thousand over 20 years ago...............something has gotta give.

I need more time in my day, a stolen hour to read the newspaper everyday, right lets try to make that happen.

clean and dust

There in all its calming blue colours my destroyer of yesterday. Do not be fooled by the magpie catching colour, holographic sparkly bits, fabulous smell and smorgasboard of empty cleaning promises.

I am normally not one to shit on cleaning product, cos who really cares but on this one I am pulling my draws down and lining it up.

Yesterday three of my husbands superiors from head office were coming for dinner, I of course relishing the chance to fatten people up but thought I had best have a bit of a spring clean. Our Kitchen is only three years old, lovely new easy clean laminate. In the sunlight there was the odd mark on the doors around the handle so off I went with said spray and spot cleaned the whole kitchen. Once I finished I stood back to look at my work and FUCK A DUCK they looked ten time worse a big greasy patch where I had cleaned, I waited for it to dry. It did not. I then thought FUCK I was already late and now I had to clean the blasted everything from floor to ceiling.

Once finished I stood back and Mother of god I shit you not all surfaces look like I had smeared bacon fat upon it. To make matters worse I went to answer my phone and fell completely on my arse as I had got some spray on the floor and it was now a slippery surface, my daughter ran in arsed up as well and cracked her head on one of the fat covered doors. Screaming and tears reign supreme and Ella was upset too.

To further feed my fury, upon looking at the product to ensure I was using correctly and whom to complain to should I ever get the time I see what appears to be spelling errors in the contact details(perhaps I am wrong and it is correct in some language), which makes me think if they do not have the resources to get this little thing right then we are most likely pissing in the wind to hope they care about the integrity of their product.

I am hoping it was just a bad patch as I do use there other products, well I did.

Oh dear what have I become anyone seen pre child Jody?

Smelling of roses

Would you believe that this week I have stepped out of gumboots covered in Sheep, cow, pig and goat shit? Not quite the black farmers boots you imagine but a lovely little white pair covered in big red roses, and of course they have now been though the wash………………and disinfected.

The girls and I joined our daycare place on a bus trip to a farm. Granted it was not ideal that I had had a few beers and wine the previous night, as it just seemed amplify the high pitch screams and squawked versions of the “Wheels on the Bus” Bit the farm was fabulous and I was green with both shit and envy at their veggie garden the whole experience left a huge impression upon Ella in particular that “Cows do Pooooooooooos!” We also collected eggs from the chicken coops, bloody clever chickens up these parts as they lay them hard boiled (chas and dave you will have to lift your game). The downside of that is I have now have had to move our eggs at home as they are not hard boiled and do not bounce as well.

Thus far I have also had two coffees with some other Mums who I am testing out for the role of friend but I am still looking, I am guilty of still treating this place like a holiday and love getting up every morning and going exploring, I will settle down and create some routine once back from Melbourne…………….really.

We had three people over for dinner last and this house is great for entertaining and you all know my love of food and my overwhelming urge to feed everyone so book in to Casa Langdon as reservations are tightening up.

What I have under my bonnet

My child will surely question my grasp on reality when she gets an eyeful of what her dear old Mum used to dress her in.

Quaint, old fashioned, practical and blooming cute................much like me really. I came across this wonderful little community shop run by about 60 old ducks who all are talented at crafting and all profits go to charity. Lovely ladies and you really need to take an extra half an hour when you pop in for mindless chit chat but for handmade full of love products it is all worth it.

Melbourne Awaits

I am so excited, almost a year of planning and in less than one month I will be winging my way to endless shopping, eating, drinking with fav gal pal D. I even am in love with the new advertising Melbourne campaign, great dress and music. I have started the list on what to get but to be fair it is getting a little out of control. Research is what I need, NO what I really need is the Fashion Channel, god I loved it..................bring it back, it was the perfect couple channel, cutting edge designers for the ladies and Boobs for the boys, whats not to love.

Speaking of fashion, its bloody NZ fashion week and the coverage has really sucked just pathetic uncaring journos asking boring questions like "Whats your one tip for the general public to look good!" Oh the shame. I quite like runwayreporter.co.nz, but I need more more more!

Speaking of good websites, for all your nutritional supplements and general self help health, check out this fab site, great prices, prompt service, in fact the most pleasant online buying experience I have had. Healthpost.co.nz

Feck! Piss! ARSE!

On average I tidy the kitchen a minimum of five times a day. Brekkie, Morning T, Lunch, Avo T, pre dinner dishes, Baking and dinner dishes.

Why is it when CH has a day off during the week he chooses a non allocated eating time to bring out the largest, hardest to clean pan, fry off some stinking bacon that spews grease all over my sparkling ceramic hobb and splash back throws in an egg and gets half of it on said hobb. Then wonders why I say no to a fully cooked lunch at about two in the avo.

Mother of god I need to go back to work so I can stop obsessing and be cool about messy kichen all day.

Being cool now.....................................................

Pork crackle, jellied eels and pork pies STAT

It is often said you reap what you sow and could not possibly ring more true than with your own children. Ella at present is enchanting and just a little excretement rolled into one challenging bundle. Her ‘In’ words at present are “No worries Mama” after I have just told her off for something and the new and infuriating “But I am being funny Mama!” used in such occasions as she wears a Nappy on her head, legs through dressing gown arms and staying about a metre out of reach when we should have been at the doctors five minutes ago!

Given as parents are told countless times how their little brains soak up more learning in the first couple of years of life, I am now thinking I really should have vetted the TV programmes a bit more as I am sure they have helped shape her sense of humour. All her favourite viewing pleasures possess an all American twang with a side of apple pie goodness. My first thought was to dash out and copy all my BBC video classics onto DVD format and have Red dwarf, Monty Python, Black Adder, Smith and Jones all playing in the background. As of course my sense of humour leans more to British than American.

What a crock of shit. I have had that same British V’s American debate with many in the past and if I truly think about it can I name 10 current TV programmes that I love that are British comedy? 5? 2?!!!!!! No, However, I can say with hand on heart the only programmes I watch at present from that area of the world are Spooks and Dr Who, and not really comedies at all, well Dr Who loosely. The same cannot be said about American programmes as all my favs are from that side of the world. Dang!

As my mate David say “I afraid of Americans, I afraid I can’t help IT!” Why do I and others have I this thing against Americans? I mean recently I could have become quite good friends with some I have met, Oh actually……. one was a Canadian. What ever it is, it is fairly deep rooted as even when we speak of our time overseas one of the first things we say is that it was a fabulous time to travel as the war was on and there were no Americans travelling and the usual response by those we tell is a knowing nod and snigger.

Perhaps I just need to say it, “I love many American trashy television programmes” No let’s try that again.

“I love many American and Canadian Television programmes, they truly can make fantastic absorbing television, and I look forward to the day I can eat at an American smorgasboard and order one of those fecking fantastic looking pizza’s and dial a number that starts with 555”

Whale Island, that lump to the right, not the one directly below

Miles to the left and many more miles to the right. A soft sandy beach as far as the eyes can see and all just five minutes from our kitchen table. A truly beautiful day as warm as a Christchurch summer and all this months before Summer months hit. We are gonna fry our arses off!

Such a relaxing day, Ella built her first sandcastle and all I really could do was sit on my hands and watch as truly all I wanted to do was take over and build some Rococo masterpiece, next time I am taking my own bucket and spade.

Jason took this photo, one of the few I have with the children. We have decided he should take more of me and the children as should god forbid something happens to me the only proof of my existance is the odd fuzzy finger over the camera lens. However rules will have to be adhered to, photos will only be taken when I look completely hot(simmering not sweaty), have much makeup on to pull off that natural look, all bra straps should be hidden, legs closed and knickers or builders bum not showing, boobs as perky as a twenty year olds and lardy lunpy bits fully sucked in and who can forget a bloody miracle to make that all happen.

Whakatane

Well we have made it, settled and almost 80% unpacked. The drive up was really fantastic and catching up with a couple pals on the way was a mammoth bonus. The girls were great and oh my god what a beautiful country we live in (Bulls,Waiouru and Foxton excluded!)

Here is a photo of our new home, WE LIVE IN PLEASANTVILLE! For many years I would drive past these boring human boxed settlements and shudder and the thought of living in such a place. I now of course realise that was simply self preservation as I LOVE THIS HOUSE!. We have four bedrooms, our room has a ensuite, walk in wardrobe and concertina doors that open to a deck! The whole house has fabulous indoor/outdoor flow, heatpump, great chefs kitchen and all day sun. We live in a lovely wee valley on top of a hill, with a bird sactuary and many bush walks at the end of the street(our cat is rapt!) Five minutes to the centre of town one way and five minutes to the beach the other way.

FOUR DAYS AND COUNTING

Here we have it, a photo of my hotness, unfortunately next to a youthful glowing mum to be, my stark wartyness is very very clear, said youthful mother will most likely be rapt she is plastered on my blog...................rasp.

To all you lovely blenhiem gals, I will miss you.

For all those who have not seen my girls in a while, here they are in all their cherub glory as they will most likely be at school when I get around to blogging again.

Not the most glam photo of Pops, but does get her personality quite accurately. Ahh and Ella, she choose the outfit herself you know.

Righto catch up with you all in the next month

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Oh golly gosh

Slack, slothful, lazy, idle, sluggish..................................................to some.

I however call it complete denial. As of one week ago we decided to move to Whakatane. Should have been packing really.

We make the journey north on September 3rd and prepare for normal blogging and soon as I know which way is up.........................................................

Let the fun begin......................................

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Pum jam, preserved plum, plum tart, plum sauce, plum pudding

Just when you start to think that you ankles look pretty hot in these new parenting shoes some bugger tries to bite your nipple off!

Baby Bobbit we shall call the previously mentioned bugger. I have always been pro breast feeding in fact I even did a breast feeding course and even managed to get CH there(major achievement and to his credit he fully encourages other men to go). I will not even begin to tell you how hard I found it but the end result is I now love it and believe it nurtures an amazing bond between mother and child. Poppy has always been a shit to feed, always preferred the drive in option, no time for pissing about, used to clench and bite when the letdown was not fast enough, if I talked to someone, if the TV was too loud, if somebody moved……you name it. In complete contrast is Ella, whom I fed until she was well over one and only stopped because I was pregnant, she was a joy to feed. People often asked me how I fed through teething and how I coped with biting of a child so old. My face would cringe a little, grasp my boob and have that knowing look……..quietly thinking I must be a double hard bastard…………….I now know this to be complete Mock disdain. All those little nips and clenches were nothing.

Currently there is a nipple disguised as a ‘Nurple’ on my boob, Anyone missing a overripe plum? This is not mild discomfort, this so sore I cannot sleep on that side. The worst of it is, she has her favourite one to bite and as hard as it is to continues feeding, the little sod keeps doing it, I am almost in the fetal position just thinking about it. I now have to be vigilant and watch everything that little mouth is doing for the moment the milk stop flowing she eyeballs me adjusts her grip then CHOMP. It is like Russian roulette, can I get my finger in her mouth and release suction quicker than she can stay in for a bite to eat. The looks she gives is priceless.

She is feeding less and less and I do wonder if she is self weaning, I cannot say I am ready yet but in truth I do not think you ever are, I still give Ella a bottle at night just for the closeness and to have her stay in the one spot for more than a minute.

Well only a couple more hours until the next feed........................................cringe

oh well

Do a search on Whakatane, CH suggests.................................................. look what I found

Black Power agrees to ban patches in town
Photo : NZPA
Black Power leaders and police have reached a landmark agreement for the gang to "colour down" in an effort to reduce gang tensions in Whakatane.
The accord follows a violent street battle that erupted between about 30 Black Power members and Opotiki Mongrel Mob members in downtown Kopeopeo on June 28.
A sword, knives, wooden bats and planks of wood were used as weapons in the vicious all-in brawl, which took place amid crowds of schoolchildren making their way home.
It began after patched Mongrel Mob members gathered in Kopeopeo to await the release of a body of one of their members from a funeral parlour.
Local Black Power members took exception to their presence and display of gang regalia leading to a violent clash.
Senior Sergeant Bruce Jenkins, of the Whakatane police, said they were also aware of "further simmering of tensions" last weekend in central Whakatane, involving local and out-of-town gang members outside bars late at night.
Whakatane has for many years been known as a Black Power town, while outlying areas, including Taneatua and Kawerau, are Mongrel Mob strongholds.
Mr Jenkins said that following the Kopeopeo brawl, police and Black Power hierarchy had come together in an endeavour to prevent any more violence and quell tensions.
All members of the gang had agreed to ban the wearing of patches, bandannas and other regalia while in town.
Opotiki police had held similar talks with the Opotiki Mongrel Mob about the June 28 incident.
The agreement did not go as far as one in Wanganui, where the district council had moved to create a bylaw to ban gang regalia and colours from the central business district and all other public places in the city.
Mr Jenkins said the agreement to colour down would go a long way to making Whakatane a safer place, enabling Black Power to maintain a passive presence and be part of the community, without creating friction.
"This effectively means Whakatane is a patch and gang regalia free town, which outsiders also need to take notice of."
Police were also working to identify and address the underlying causes of last weekend's tensions and had called another meeting with local gang leaders to help speed the constructive dialogue between all parties.
Mr Jenkins said police had impressed on the gangs the need to take a more mature and responsible attitude and not resort to violence as a means of settling their differences.
"Things have been working well up until recently and we want to restore any mutual understanding or unwritten rules that have been in place, which has seen very little gang tension over the past few years.
"A gang war in Whakatane would have a huge social and economic impact. Both gangs need to step back and let the police do their job. This includes staying away from town if they can't help but taunt each other.
Police would also visit local bars and licensees, in an endeavour to identify and trespass any troublemakers.
"Both sides need to get a very clear message -- that anyone found stepping out of line will be dealt with very firmly by the police."
Four Black Power gang members were arrested following the June 28 fracas and charged with rioting, participating in an organised criminal group, possession of offensive weapons, obstructing police and resisting arrest.
They have appeared in Whakatane District Court and remanded on bail to July 17.

BUGGER

If if's and but were lollies and nuts it would be blooming Christmas every day.

Well no news is good news huh! Not fecking likely girls. All it really means is that someone somewhere is pissing about. I am lost again with no direction and we all know this means disaster for the next poor bastard I get ahold of.

This Whakatane business is driving me insane to the point of infiltrating my dreams. I give it so little respect I cannot even get the name right half the time and keep referring to it as Wanganui, which apparently is vastly different............................................ARSE. Fuckatane.

The round up

I perhaps have neglected to mention a thing or two.

Firstly I have been toddler free for almost a week as Grandma took Ella to Wellington. I with not a shadow of exaggeration have had a abslolute ball, loving every separated minute. That in itself has been the source of much guilt but to be kind to myself I really needed the break as the little bugger was wearing me down. It has taken a week to get back on track and it has been amazing just being able to focus on my little Poppy, we have had the most lovely time and she has made me smile all week. She is going through that incredibly cuddly stage and just looks at you with her big baby blues with unconditional love and smiles and giggles at everything you do.

I have also chopped all my hair off and dyed it black, to those who know me from old it is like welcoming an old friend to my new friends it is one hell of a shock. I think it looks quite good but more importantly I feel more like I am a new and improved, repackaged model of an old and warty mother.

What do you know about Whakatane? CH has been asked to consider transferring to the north island to futher his career and look after three stores in the Bay of Plenty. I have reservations.
I do not know what is more unnerving, going to The Bay of Plenty or the fact I have reservations. I never have reservations about moving. I love to move and change and have always looked forward to new things with excitement. This time however it is making my skin crawl. What to do, what to do. It could be not having confidence in myself, it could be some silly hormones running through my body, it could be being tired and anxious.

Which makes me wonder about when should our bodies be all systems running well after child birth and breast feeding? Is there a time frame? We are all told things about post natal depression and the like but is there other times you should know about when your hormones try hang you? I have not been very well for a few months now so I am looking at changing a thing or two to see if I can make a difference. Every morning I am having a fruit non dairy spiralina smoothy with flaxseed oil and attempting to do more exercise as well as a good womens multi and lastly a big increase of vegetables and whole grains. It has only been a week so very early days but a positive step none the less.

Sleep is also a big issue and until last week I had not slept more than three hours in one stint in well over16 months. I have had some really strange experiences of late and wondering if somehow I can put it down to not sleeping. Poppy as you know is an horrific sleeper and will cry all night, on a bad night every twenty minutes until about 3am. We have tried many many things. Last week we went to the Doctor to once again see if there is anything wrong or alternatives like cranial minipulation. We left like two stunned mullets as in our hands we had a bottle of sedative. We both felt a little unhinged about using it but decided that to keep our family stong we had to get sleep. That night we got it out and found a syringe to measure the appropriate amount and got ready to use it.

The little bugger slept through! only until 4am but SHE SLEPT THROUGH! and she has done so every night since! The best thing we ever did was threatening her with sedation. I am glad we did not use it but also wary and relieved we have it just in case this new wonder does not last.

Its a sign

31 years old, to some it would be a milestone they reached in their youth and to others an impossibly distant middle age, for me it will go down in my history book as the year my nasal hair kicked in.

I have often looked at my husband nose and more often that not there is a thick black hair trying hard to escape and I even thoughtfully purchased him a lovely matt silver nasal trimmer for christmas one year. Reminds me of one of my favourite childhood books 'The Twits'

I cannot even say my nose is even close to that but is it only a matter of time? You see I have bogey nose of late it could be the result of having a cold for nearly a solid two months but the other day I hopped into my car, checked the rear mirror and was something was grinning back at me from up my nose! How long had it been there? Why had I not felt it? Son of a biscuit I must have a bush up my nose to hold up something and defy gravity like that! am I now going to be the 'bogey woman?' You know we all make names up for others we do not take the time to learn their names, mostly unkind in nature like 'Smelly woman' or 'winge woman'

Nope...........................no................................OCD here...............................not a whif of it.................

Robots in disguiseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Autobots TRANSFORM! roars fricking master of all Optimus Prime,
Megatron and his mentalist Decepticons are in range of the Energon Cube, allowing said baddies to obtain the cube will mean genocide for mankind!

Oh my gosh I am such a geek, I loved this movie. The best action flick I have seen in sometime. Real apple pie and punch the air stuff, but fantastic. The CGI was amazing, really funny too.

You gotta go. Even just to escape the drudges of the everyday go and immerse your self in warm buttery popcorn goodness.